Invitation to the Self; journey with the star people

Invitation to the Self journey with the star people

Bonnie Jean Hamilton illustrated by Bonnie & Bryan Hamilton

Copyright © Bonnie Jean Hamilton, 2005 All rights reserved ii

Dedicated to those who live the Experience

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Those long years of waiting… Like wading through snowdrifts in wintertime, The cold wind blowing strands of hair across my eyes So I could not see What was hidden there Some Truth within myself… To only see a glimpse Of that radiating beauty and light. This is where I have been And what has driven me To Look farther And Find That which beckons me – My Soul.

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Table of Contents Introduction

1

About Me

3

Visitation •

Part One: operations

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•

Part Two: hybrids

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•

Part Three: implants

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Training •

Part One: testing

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Part Two: the secret government

111

•

Part Three: transitional phase

133

Graduation •

Part One: earth changes

149

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Part Two: psychic attack

165

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Part Three: the connection

181

Taking Control •

Part One: overcoming psychic attack

203

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Part Two: controlling the dream state

223

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Part Three: energy manipulation

251

Conclusion

265

Glossary

271

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Introduction My life has been a tumultuous upheaval of not knowing which world to focus on. Of being told that alien abductions are either hoaxes fabricated for the purpose of making money, or delusions emanating from insane people who belong in state hospitals. All my life I have wondered what was beyond the physical realm…because I knew there was something more. I have felt it with all my being since I was a small child. So, there I was, a young, impressionable individual living extraordinary experiences with no explanation given to me except, “honey, that was just a dream,” no matter how intent I was. I knew then when I was just starting out in life, that everything; all matter has a life of its own. Energy is Life. No matter what construct, no matter what dimension or plane of existence. Energy does not die; it merely changes form. There is no death and there is no way that an experience or life occurring on this plane or any other plane of existence, in any dimension, or any period in time, is not “real.” I did not give up. Even when I went to college I attempted to speak to professors about “star people” and they brushed it off. They didn’t understand what I was trying to say, and they didn’t care to take any time to try and understand. I actually took a class, during my senior year, in which the professor taught us about anthropological hoaxes, including the concept of visitors from other planets. Since I was born, I think I have had my feet in two worlds, my body being split down the middle. I have seen wondrous things in the physical plane and beyond, but whenever I open my mouth, I get shot down. These concepts are not welcome in the physical world; it is not 1

socially acceptable to push the boundaries of our fragile belief systems. Well…I don’t care anymore. Welcome to my book.

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About Me When I was four years old, my family and I lived in a small log cabin in the woods. Our nearest neighbor was at least a mile away. At the bottom of the hill we lived on was a lake and off to the side of the cabin was a small waterfall. Walking wooded paths lined with ferns and moss was a daily activity. I can remember sitting in the newly fallen autumn leaves, the warm sunshine embracing me. Life was good. I had a special feeling in my heart for every living thing. I talked to the Earth and the Earth loved me. My playmates were our two dogs, the ducks and geese, a few raccoons and, of course, the trees. There were a few kids that I played with occasionally who lived in the countryside as well. Needless to say, this was a peaceful existence, and also the only world I knew. I had a great respect for nature and all its beauty. I had not a care in the world, and that is how I had expected it to stay…. As I got a little older, I began to experience nightly "visions"; in bed at night when the lights went out, I would see pictures floating through the air in my bedroom. I saw animals, candies, ice cream, and toys. At times the images were not pleasant, like a blobby "whale" figure that kept bothering me - it never seemed to be terribly threatening, but would float amongst the pleasant images, seemingly out of place. I did not understand what was happening and would sometimes become frightened. I have since discovered that the mysterious blobby figure drifting amongst the enticing images of candies was a spiritual guide. I saw it again when I was older, at times during visitations. It assisted me in learning, helped me work through difficulties, and guided me through fear and sadness. It has taken the shape of a whale and also a dolphin. 3

However, when I was a child, I only saw it as a foreign anomaly and intruder. The blobby whale figure, however, turned out to be nothing compared to what was to come. One very early morning in particular, I recall sitting up in my bed and seeing two "stick people" with huge bulbous heads approaching the footboard. There were no discernable features, as they had no visible eyes or other facial features. They were holding hands, which made me feel as though they were friendly in some way (at least to each other), but even so, I was terrified. I screamed loudly and my mother came running. The figures vanished as she entered the room. I was clearly distraught, as I tried to tell my mother what I had witnessed. I had been wide-awake when this occurred. After that incident, there seemed to be a turning point in my young life. I became frightened of little things, for instance, two knotholes that were on the wooden door of my bedroom - I thought they looked like two big eyes. It troubled me so much that my parents painted the door in a vain attempt to try and cover the knots. On another occasion that I recall, I had curled up next to my mother in her bed while she was asleep. I saw the images of candies and a play tea set in the air, so I sat up and began grabbing at them. When that did not work, I decided to stand up for better reach, occasionally jumping. It was clear that I was awake, but I was able to see these images, regardless. I woke my mother with all the commotion. She stared at me and then looked into the air, trying to figure out what I was doing. I explained to her that I was trying to "grab those candies" and the tea set, but she could not see them. I wasn’t having any luck at physically 4

getting anything, and my poor mother seemed to be on the edge of hysteria, so I sat down. She questioned me for some time about that night, and I explained to her, the best that any four-year-old could, what happened that night and what happened to me every night. She listened patiently and lovingly advised me to get rid of the whale image by telling it to "go away," but she never fully understood what was going on with me. A few years ago, my mother informed me that when I was an infant/small toddler, I experienced "night terrors." According to my parents, I would begin screaming and crying during the night for no apparent reason that anyone could tell. They would hold me in an attempt to comfort me, but to no avail - they had to "wait for it to end." My mother told me, "It looked like you were awake, but when we brought you over to the light, your pupils were fully dilated," which led them to believe that I was actually still asleep and dreaming, with my eyes wide open. My parents tell me that I had no recollection of these "night terrors" in the morning and was a perfectly happy and spoiled child. And according to my conscious memory, this was very true. When I was seven years old, I dreamt that an alien was in my house with me. This did not scare me however, because he was my friend. For most of my adult life, I did not know how I went from being terrified of the bulbous-headed stick figures to being friends with this alien. I had no conscious recall of the events that occurred during that time period until just recently, and I will tell you about that soon. This particular alien showed a vague resemblance to the blobby whale figure. Even though I was only seven and not very tall myself, he was shorter than me. I also took note of his unusually light colored, 5

creamy white skin and lack of hair. In no way did his appearance disturb me or seem unfamiliar; in fact, I felt comfortable and safe being near him and trusted him like an old friend. In the dream, the alien and I rushed into a closet to hide, because some bad men were after us. I called these two men “robbers.” They were trying to break into the house. I remember standing side by side with the little alien, and I looked down at him as he looked up at me; we were both quiet and listening intently. After hiding for quite a while and determining that we were safe, my alien friend and I left the closet and walked out into the living room where we saw my father. Going to the front window and peering out, I saw a fox trotting across the lawn, approaching the house. It was trying to get in the door, but I didn’t let it in because I knew it was connected to the robbers. My father pointed to the set of encyclopedias on the coffee table and suggested I hurl books at the fox. I took his advice, picking up the books and throwing them out the front door at the unwelcome intruder, chasing it away. I then remember my alien friend and I going outside, thinking the way was clear. We were mistaken - the robbers spotted us and began chase. We knew that if they caught us, they would coat us with gold and turn us into statues. So, without looking back, we dashed across the street to the neighbor’s house. Running through an open door, we entered the kitchen with the bad men trailing too close for us to escape. They chased us around the kitchen table and I fell. As I did, one of the men rushed over to slip a tiny, rectangular piece of paper under my left side, just below my ribcage. I screamed and woke up. When I was nine years old, two years later, I had this dream once again. Everything happened the same way except that this time, I was 6

in the living room watching the fox out the front window and someone other than my father was there with me. This someone, whom I do not recall well, suggested that I “throw books” at the fox, like I did before. I quickly flung the books and, just as planned, he ran away. At the end of this dream, my alien friend and I were running from the robbers in my neighbor’s kitchen. I was running around the same table and fell, just like before. One of the bad men placed a tiny, rectangular piece of metal under my left side, just below the ribcage. I fell onto it, screamed, and woke up. Of course, the symbolism meant nothing to me at the time. I was nine years old, simply bewildered by having the same vivid dream twice. I knew it was odd, so I kept it in mind for future reference. It did not seem strange to me to have an “alien friend” however; in fact, it seemed quite normal. It was as though I had known him forever. Because I had previously been so afraid of the visitors, this made no sense…until my recall. I must have been about six or seven years old. As I remember it, I was lying in my bed, straining, through the darkness, to see my dolls lined up on a shelf on the opposite side of the room. As I stared at my favorite dolly’s face, trying to focus on the details, it slowly came to life. The eyes and mouth began to move as she swayed from side to side. Feeling a twinge of panic and hoping that my eyes were playing tricks on me, I quickly looked away and pulled the blankets over my head. The suspense drew me back. The doll was alive. Now for a bit of background information: Almost every night after my parents helped me into bed, tucked me in, read me a story and kissed me goodnight, they turned my bedroom light off and closed the door. It was always a little scary for me, and each night I asked them to 7

come back and check on me, which they did. Regardless of this fact, as I drifted off to sleep, I saw images floating in the air as I always had. In addition to this bizarre experience, another one developed: My dolls seemed to come to life! At times, it looked as though they were talking to each other, and that was okay, as long as they kept to themselves and didn’t bother me. I tried not to look at them, but it was difficult to turn away. On this evening in particular, I watched the dolls come to life, step down from the shelf and walk over to my bed, growing in size as they approached. Each step closer gave the dolls a more alien appearance until they reached the side of my bed and I saw them for what they were – my alien friends. Upon taking these forms, the dolls no longer scared me. I knew who they were. As if I had done it countless times, I knew to pull back my covers and slip out of bed. They waited patiently and made no visible effort to force me into going with them. When my feet touched the floor and I stood there with them in my dark bedroom, two of them, on either side of me, gently held out their hands. I placed my hands into theirs and we slowly and quietly walked past my sleeping parents, through the living room, and out the front door. I am now under the impression that this type of event happened quite frequently. The visions and images in the darkness continued until I was about nine years old or so. By that time, I was very open-minded to unusual events happening during the course of the night. I'd had a handful of dreams, which I recall at this point, that actually contained what I called "alien friends." My family and I moved to a new area and I met new friends to socialize with. We played together almost every day and had adventures ranging from goat herding to swimming in the bay. I 8

had no trouble learning new concepts and did well in school, but none of that changed the nightly visions. When I was 11 years old, an event occurred that made a strong impact on my life. It was late at night and I was lying in bed when a flash of light caught my eye. I quickly got up and went to the window. A UFO was landing in the large parking lot beside my house. Naturally, being the curious child I was, there was no hesitation on my part to run ecstatically through the house and then outside to investigate. Standing in a huddled group were five or six aliens, which I courageously greeted. They walked into my yard and we sat down together at the picnic table. We laughed and talked while sharing some type of snack they had brought with them. These aliens were new to me, but I was not completely unfamiliar with them, and they seemed to already know me, calling me by name. I was much more curious than I was frightened with these friendly people. I remember them being tall and thin with light-colored skin, but I do not recall anything unusual about their heads or eyes, as they seemed the normal size and shape of a human's. Before leaving, they made it clear to me that they would come back to see me again, and I was happy to hear that. I felt as though I had been through some sort of evaluation and had passed the test. The next morning I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and ran to tell my whole family, including my cousins who were there, about the dream. The adults just humored me and told me to go play, but my cousins were very excited about searching the parking lot for "UFO marks" and the prospect of actually finding evidence of a landing site. I was convinced from the vividness of the event that aliens had really come in the night - I think my cousins wanted to 9

believe it as well. We made a kind of detective game out of it, carrying notebooks to record our findings. We literally searched all day long, but didn't find anything more than a few oil spots from cars. It was truly disappointing. I watched the night sky for weeks afterward. Subsequently, the nightly visions vanished as vivid dreams took their place. I was apparently at a new stage of development, but although I experienced more vivid "alien dreams" throughout my teenage years, I barely noticed (or cared to notice, for that matter). I was doing well in school and had healthy relationships with friends. I was promoted directly from 10th to 12th grade and studied advanced English Literature classes. My daily life of school, marching band, majorettes, track team, guitar playing, talent shows, boys, etc. had taken all the excitement away from my sleeping moments. It was not until I was 19 years old, married and had my first daughter that I began to think about my own unusual experiences once more. Perhaps what triggered this change in consciousness was what occurred the week I conceived my child. My boyfriend and I had been out on a Saturday night, cruising the streets in his new black sports car. At around 12:30 a.m. we parked in a wooded area overlooking the water at one of those “lover’s hangouts.” While we listened to terribly loud rock music, watching the ripples in the dark water, a light caught my eye. I looked up quickly to see a rather large white light falling from the sky, like an enormous meteorite. I exclaimed to my boyfriend to look, but he missed it. The unusual sight intrigued me, so we kept watching the sky. After about five minutes, we both saw the same light – going back up. We slowly turned to each other, knowing that we had seen something special.

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That same week, we went on a little camping trip. Our site was in a wonderful, quiet location in the woods. The night was cool and clear, and the stars were absolutely sparkling. This would be the night I would become pregnant. I remember lying in the hammock we had set up, listening to the crackling fire, and looking up through the towering pines to see the stars lighting the branches like Christmas lights. I had never felt this sense of peace and happiness before. I was changed. My boyfriend and I married and moved into our own place. I felt the need for stability and comfort, as I was then responsible for a life other than my own. When my daughter was born, I spent much more time at home, feeling very attached to this beautiful little girl. I saw a great intelligence in her, and I loved to spend time with her. I loved to look into her deep blue eyes, those compelling portals of love and light. I had time to contemplate; to just sit and think about life. My thoughts eventually led me to questions that are not easily answered: How did life begin? Where did we come from? Does the Universe have a boundary? If so, what is beyond it? And my favorite: What does “nothing” look like? Being an inquisitive individual, I longed to know more about the mysteries of our world. I read books about the soul and about metaphysical ideas that are not usually taught in classrooms. I wanted to learn about the human spirit and its potential. I studied various subjects, but one in particular that captured my curiosity was that of dream interpretation. I picked up a copy of an Edgar Cayce book about dreams, their symbolism and interpretations. Cayce suggested that to record one's dreams every morning, whether on paper or on cassette tape and look back over it later, would be beneficial to the everyday waking life. 11

According to Cayce, certain dream patterns would emerge, allowing the individual to interpret his or her own dreams, making it easier to figure out daily problems of life in general. I took Edgar Cayce's advice and recorded my dreams almost every morning in a spiral notebook. I eventually began to recall more and more dreams each morning and was able to discover patterns and decipher them. I noticed a particular sort of dream pattern that seemed odd to me, that did not fit in with the other "normal" dream symbolism. I wrote these dream experiences down and made no judgement on them until a year or so later. When I was 20 years old, I received a copy of the book Intruders written by Budd Hopkins. The book tells the story of a woman who had horrible alien abduction experiences. I attempted to read the book, but I did not get far before I was so scared that I could not continue. At that point, I had no conscious preconceived notions of what an alien abduction was. Something in the book felt familiar to me, but I did not know how - I had forgotten all about the "alien dreams" from my childhood. It took many months for me to pick up the Intruders book again, but my curiosity kept me trying. I continued reading little bits and then putting it down. I tried and tried to read the book, unsuccessfully, until one evening when I read just enough to make the connection between the book and my dreams. Something in my mind clicked and a memory was triggered. A cold chill came over me as fragments of my own recollected dreams popped into my mind. The book fell from my hands onto the floor. My heart sank as my body went numb and my breathing became barely noticeable. I felt my mouth hanging open and hot tears streaming down my face, as realization hit hard.

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The next five years of my life would bring an "alien visitation" at least once a week, sometimes more, as I became enrolled in an intense training program taught by the star people themselves. What brought it on, I cannot say…perhaps it was my mind being triggered by the book, and the memories of previous experience returned to me. I would like to share with you some of the highlights and most meaningful experiences that have occurred.

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Visitation Part One operations

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Invitation to the Self In the beginning, there was the realization that things were not “normal” - but what were they? I knew I would need to collect as much information as I could and attempt to analyze the data. This is something I have always done; whenever I have a problem or a difficult situation to deal with, I try to look at every angle to find a solution. In this case, my recorded dreams were the first place to look. I examined what amounted to fragments of what my mind had recalled in those early morning hours following the visitations. Some words had been scribbled so quickly, they were barely legible. I began to recopy my notes into a newer notebook, to keep the records better organized. One thing I have noticed that makes my experience somewhat different than others is that I have been able to gain a certain level of control and have learned how to deal with the visitations. Obviously, when I was hit with the sudden realization at 20 years of age that I had been abducted by aliens, I lost all sense of direction. After reading Intruders, I had the immediate mindset of a helpless victim; however, upon seriously analyzing the data and becoming more consciously aware of the experiences, I realized there was not actually a threat. After becoming accustomed to the visitations, my typical reaction upon seeing a star person was to run up and say Hello, even if I did feel scared at the time. I wanted to be open to the experience, whatever came my way. Another book that opened my eyes to the world of alien abduction was Whitley Streiber’s Communion. My own experiences were so much like his, I felt like I’d found a friend. It seemed we both saw the possibility of the phenomenon being a spiritual learning experience, once we got past the initial shock.

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Operations My perspective over the years has come to be that these "aliens" are just people from another place. I began to use the term “star people” following an event in which a friendly visitor had a conversation with me about the connectedness of all beings. I had referred to him as an “alien,” and he seemed taken aback by that comment. In surprise, he said to me, “I am not an alien, I am your brother,” as if he assumed I had known that all along. And, putting some thought into it, I felt this was somehow true. So, for a while, all depending on how I felt about a visitation, I would either use the term “aliens” or “star people” (with “aliens” referring to a negative experience that I did not like). For matters of simplicity, I now call all the visitors “star people.” Just like with any people, I think there are a few bad apples in the bunch, and it is so difficult to discern who is who that I will use one term for the time being. I have always tried to wear a pleasant smile and, most of the time, simply attempt to “go with the flow” of the experience. Of course, there have been quite a few times when I did things differently than what the star people had expected, and I usually had the freedom to move about as I pleased. There were, however, those few rare occasions when I was paralyzed and taken against my will. And, every now and then, when I did not feel like dealing with them, they would simply leave and come back a few nights later. I have not always been cooperative with them, and I am known to be just as curious as they are. It would not be unusual for me to approach a star person and feel his or her skin, touch the face, examine the eyes, or wrap my hand around an upper arm and yell out, "Man, you're skinny!" Perhaps this is due to the fact that I had remembered the visits from childhood and had become accustomed to spending quite a bit of time with them from an early age in life. 17

Invitation to the Self My early dream record (from age 20 onward) is filled with the more typical aspects of abduction - operations, scars, implants, egg extraction, and hybrid children. This is where the stereotypical “going onto the spaceship and being examined by aliens” takes place. Unfortunately, many people who have only had sporadic abduction experiences a few times in their lives have never been able to make it past this point. Here is an example of an early visitation, confusing and filled with symbolism: This happened on a normal evening. I went through my usual routine of washing up and getting pajamas on. Not long after lying down and getting comfortable in my bed, it seemed as if I were suddenly on a train! Needless to say, my entire being was jolted with shock, as I felt wide-awake and aware of my surroundings. However, my thoughts quickly turned from, "Wasn't I just going to bed?" to "Boy it's crowded in here…." A large group of people surrounded me, including my husband who stood next to me. The idea that everyone agreed upon and chatted about excitedly was that we were all going to a rock concert. I didn’t know how I had gotten on the train; I did not recall boarding the train, and I did not feel like I was there voluntarily. I decided that something was wrong, regardless of the people trying to convince me how wonderful the concert would be. I desperately wanted to leave the train. Deciding to take action, I searched around and found an emergency cord, which I promptly pulled. The train came to a screeching halt. A small group of almost identical people entered the train car, rushed over and grabbed me by the arms. I was escorted to the front of the train (the engine room), while my husband was left behind in 18

Operations the car. The people in the engine room seemed to know me and called me by name. I did not recognize anyone. I did know at this point, however, that there was a good chance these people were not human not only by their odd facial features, but also by their mannerisms. At that time I was consciously aware that I was not in a normal dream state. I was unsure of what to do next, so I just stood there, trying to get a grip on the new scenario. Then, just as suddenly as I had entered the train scene, I was standing outside on the top of a hill, looking down at three "Indians" dancing around a fire at the bottom of the hill. For some reason, the sight of them made me feel more comfortable, and I let myself relax just a bit. I stood mesmerized as the wind carried swirling ash and smoke around my body. The crackling flames held my attention and soon filled my view, while the warm air lulled me into a trance-like state. I did not see the Indian approach from my left, but I was not afraid when I heard his voice. "Hi Bonnie, are you all right?" I turned to face him and cautiously replied with a "yes," managing to put a smile of greeting on my face. He promptly spun and jumped back down the hill, landing in the fire without getting burned. That was quite confusing to me, and I became entranced with watching him dance around in the flames. He stopped to look up at me with a smile, so I smiled back again, nervously. Another one of the Indians came up the hill toward me. He motioned for me to sit, and we found spots on the ground and sat together, facing each other. He was carrying what looked like a small bicycle air pump and a sewing needle. He noticed that I was staring at the instruments and, with a grin on his face, asked if I would like him to "zap the zits off” my face. I quickly, and quite seriously, exclaimed, 19

Invitation to the Self "No," and he threw his head back in laughter. Then he closed his eyes and began a soothing chant. I curiously watched his face and listened to the sounds he was making. I blurted out, "Why are you doing that?" and he opened his eyes, startled but amused with me and calmly replied, "Because it is time for it." He resumed his captivating chant, and I soon found myself in yet another new situation. I was just sitting upright on a hard, twin-sized bed that was positioned against the wall of a small, silvery-grey metal room. I didn’t have time to examine the bed, but since everything else in the room was smooth, polished metal, I believe it was as well. I barely recall a window next to the bed that looked into another room. What really grabbed my attention was a tiny, odd-looking person sitting near the foot of the bed. I could not tell if it was male or female, but it appeared to be smiling at me. Draped across me was the colorful afghan made by my grandmother and mother, gifted to me. This gave me some comfort, but certainly not enough to make me want to stay in that cold, sterile room. I was very nervous and wanted to leave badly. I woke in my own bed with a start and immediately sat up to look behind my right knee. There I saw a deep scar - one that was not there when I had gone to "sleep" the night before. It was lighter than the surrounding skin, and about four inches long, sunken in. It was fairly wide; not a thin line, but gradually thickening in the center to about half an inch. Consciously, I had no clues from this experience that would lead me to believe that anything had happened to my leg; Nonetheless, throwing the blankets off and hurrying to examine the back of my leg was the first thing I thought to do upon waking.

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Operations As you can imagine, trying to decipher the symbolism shrouded in cloudy memories was not a simple task. However, after years of record keeping and analyzing the data, certain patterns and symbols have become quite clear. My analysis of that experience goes something like this: Upon lying down on my bed to sleep, one way or another, I drifted into an alternate state of consciousness. Perhaps I found my own way there, but it seems more likely that I was taken from my bed by an outside force. I was purposely put into an immediate state of confusion by all the commotion and activity going on in the "train car." Trains have been associated with the symbolism some abductees/contactees have reported. The distraction of all the people and the thought of going to a concert should have excited me (I was a musician and a huge music fan) and kept my mind occupied, but it did not. I knew that something very strange was going on. I figured out a way to stop what was happening - by pulling an "emergency brake." Whether this was an actual object already there, or something I created on my own, it proved to be effective. The "train" or UFO or "alien situation" came to a sudden halt, and some clearly perturbed star people came to haul me off. They apparently hadn’t been planning for this. I was then separated from my partner, which is typical in a visitation setting. I was singled out from the rest of the group, which seemed as though it were just a type of background setting (a prop); the other "people" in the train car seemed empty, like false images. Now…how the "Indians" came into it, I am not sure. The reason I called them Indians was that they appeared to be of a Native American Indian descent; they were tall, about 6 foot, with dark skin, dark eyes, and long black hair. The event was almost like an interruption of the 21

Invitation to the Self alien visitation. What I do know is that I would see them again, usually when I was in trouble and in need of help. The “Indians” have always been very friendly towards me, and have given me aid on numerous occasions. The scar that I quickly discovered on my leg upon waking is a physical mark, placed there by either the Indians on the hill or the small star people that were with me in the metal room. I found it very hard to believe that I was physically taken from my bed and out of my house without disturbing anyone else. What was actually much more believable to me was that some part of me, on some conscious level, in some dimensional space, was taken out of bed and had a chunk of flesh removed. The physical body was directly affected by what occurred on a different but parallel level of conscious existence. Living day-to-day became quite interesting and difficult. I did not feel that I could speak to other people about the visitations, and they were becoming more and more frequent. They started to dominate my sleeping and waking moments. I found myself meeting various types of star people, all different shapes, sizes, and mentalities. Some came to take skin samples from me, some did psychic testing with me, and some just came to have a look, which was actually the strangest of all. I was getting implants, having "operations" and, I would soon discover, bearing children. In October of 1988, I had an experience with some creatures I called "blue robots." They were living, sentient beings, wearing blue overalls even, but their movements were robotic in nature, and I was under the impression they were acting under orders, doing what they had been told by someone else. I went along with what they wished,

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Operations knowing what was expected of me without the use of speech. I had total freedom of movement. I was inside a circular metal room, about 20 feet in diameter, aboard what seemed to be a spaceship. I stood still and watched while the little blue robots swarmed all around me, only as tall as my waist. There were approximately six beings in my immediate vicinity and others running errands in other parts of the room. They were communicating with one another and very busily running back and forth, doing their work, which somehow involved me. I knew they wanted to “operate” on me, and even though I couldn’t be sure, I assumed it would be an easy, outpatient type of procedure. I had picked up this bit of information by listening and observing. I remained calm and patient, more curious than afraid. I had been standing in what was an information area - there were no seats or operating tables in this section of the room, so when they were finished with that "information gathering" part of their work, they escorted me to a place on the opposite side of the room. There was a circular indention in the floor, about 6 inches deep. They asked me to step down into it and stand there. Two of them helped me step down and turn so I was facing a wall. I had free movement of my body; they were just leading me. I asked them why I needed an operation and the response was that I had "pain" and they needed to fix it (this is a typical response that I have heard over and over again, and it is obviously not the whole truth). I was staring at what looked to me like the back of a television set, which they had asked me to "keep my eyes on." At that point, things became confusing to me; my head became dizzy and my vision was out of focus. What I saw was a tool that was drilling into the back of 23

Invitation to the Self the supposed television set. There was a loud BANG and a flash of light, and the operation was over. I then realized that the hole being drilled was not into the back of a television set, but into the back of my head! Within the week, I had developed a lump in the same location on the back of my head. I went to a local doctor (a general practitioner) who said I had a cyst that could be removed with surgery, or I could just let it sit there and, if it bothered me, he could prescribe pain medication. As I was saying, I did not feel comfortable in telling anyone about the visitations, and as you can imagine, I would have felt pretty stupid walking into the doctor's office and saying to him, "Hey Doc, I was abducted by aliens about a week ago, and they drilled a hole into the back of my head. I've got a lump there now - can you take a look at it?" What I really wanted to say was, "Could you please cut this alien implant out of my head?!" Unfortunately, that's how life goes - people are ruled by their fear. I didn't tell anyone except for my husband. He tried to understand, and I have to give him some credit, he was open to my experiences and, sometimes, we could talk about them until he became too uncomfortable and wanted to drop the subject. In the near future, I would contact a magazine called Venture Inward published by the Association for Research and Enlightenment (the Edgar Cayce Foundation). The magazine had a pen pal section, which I sent a short letter to, hoping to hear from other “experiencers.” I ended up hearing back from about 25 people who had either seen UFOs or had what they thought might have been an abduction experience. I finally found some others to communicate with who made me feel a little less lonely. I answered every letter and, as time 24

Operations went on, the numbers dwindled and I was left with about five consistent pen pals. The more contact I had with the star people, the more I tried to control my fear and collect information during actual visitations. It took a good amount of willpower to stay calm and observe what was happening around me and to me. Because I was able to do this, I could better analyze the situation at a later time, enabling me to understand the best that I could what was occurring. Of course, I was not always able to keep such calm control in circumstances when control was taken away from me. One night that summer, I went in and out of an alternate state of consciousness three separate times before the night was over. I was confused and frightened, as I helplessly slipped from one strange scene to another. I had gone to bed that night with no problems, with no worries in particular. I woke in an alternate reality, although not realizing it right away, in my living room. I thought I was still in the physical world. My bed was in there, with my entire family sleeping on it. I looked across the house and saw that the front door was wide open. This immediately alarmed me, as I could see that it was very late at night, and I was concerned that someone might walk in. I also noticed that all the lights were off, which was not normally the case, as I always kept a night light on. I got up and flipped the light switch, but none of the lights worked. I suddenly thought to myself, "This happens all the time when they're here," and I felt aggravated. I abruptly found myself "waking" once again, this time standing in the center of the kitchen. I looked down the hallway to my bedroom and saw my bed sitting where it should have been. But now, ALL of 25

Invitation to the Self the lights in the house were on, and I could see every room's light, which should have been impossible from where I was standing. I then realized that someone, an individual probably two foot shorter than me, was holding a sort of "mirror" in front of me, which I was looking into. I knew then that this was how I could see every room at the same time. Once again, for a third time, I woke with a start (although I had never gone to sleep). The front door was wide-open and all the lights were off again. I was standing in the kitchen and distinctly felt a presence in the room, although I could see nothing. My heartbeat accelerated as I felt someone move close to me and I panicked. I screamed and began swinging my arms to hit whatever was near me. My husband suddenly appeared, saying, "There's nothing there!" but I knew there was, I felt it moving around me, silently. The next thing I remember is actually waking up the next morning in the normal, everyday waking world. That type of visitation was frightening and bothersome - having no control and feeling as though I had been violated in some way, but never really knowing how. This time however, I knew right away that something had happened to my eye, which was very sore, like I had an eyelash or something in there for a while and had been rubbing it. I tried unsuccessfully to rinse out the foreign object, but nothing ever emerged from my bloodshot eye. I could barely even open it enough to see. The pain persisted, and I paid a visit to the family doctor. I can clearly recall the doctor’s concerned words, "What the heck did you do to yourself?! There's a gouge taken out of your eye!" And all I could reply with was, "I don't know…I did it in my sleep." I had to wear an eye patch for a week or so until it healed. 26

Operations Recalling my dreams was a practice that I had become rather good at after a few years. I was able to discern which dreams were simply normal, subconscious images and symbols aimed at the day’s events, and which dreams were not actually dreams at all, but different states of consciousness or levels of reality. Most of the experiences I have recorded are not my typical, normal dreams – the recorded dreams are what would be unusual for me, something that really stood out in my mind. So many of the visitation experiences had to do with egg extraction or pregnancy “testing” that they actually became “normal” events, which I recorded, but not in great detail. For the most part, those times remain hidden in my mind. Even during events that revolved around psychic testing and warnings of Earth Changes, it was not unusual for something related to pregnancy to be thrown in. One of the first “pregnancy events” that happened went like this: I found myself floating through the air with a star person beside me. He was a friend of mine that I had known for a while. We floated past some stone buildings into a small town where other star people and humans were walking down a street and relaxing in a lush, green park. Some looked up and waved, and I had the feeling that I knew some of them. My friend suddenly asked if I would like to be pregnant. I quickly replied, “No thanks, not right now,” nonchalantly brushing it off, hoping the subject would never come up again. That answer seemed to be okay with him, as he smiled and we flew further. I also recall having ovum removed from my body in more hospital-like surroundings. Some incidents were tolerable while others were unbearable.

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Invitation to the Self I recall an event in which a bunch of “little kids” were running around my house. For some reason, they were all spending the night. There were about 20 of them, and they were wreaking the place. They were running around, looking at things, grabbing things, and knocking stuff over. I walked into the living room and was watching them when I noticed some very intricate patterns on an object resting on the coffee table. I really wanted to remember the patterns, so I focused on them as long as I could. Then I suddenly became aware of a stinging sensation on my right hand – I had been given a “pregnancy test.” The next thing I knew, I was hearing someone run across the roof. In a confused moment, I went to the door and let whomever it was in, but I do not recall what that individual looked like. When I woke up the next morning, I had a new scar on the back of my right hand. It was a straight, thin line almost an inch long, and quite visible. What I could not figure out was why I had to get a scar on the hand for that…I mean, I just happened to be on my menstrual period at the time. Was that not noticeable to them? On another occasion, I was in a mountainous area standing on a curvy, dirt road. I was watching flashes of light in the distance and then UFOs flying over. In this alternate state of consciousness, I made a visit to a doctor who told me I was pregnant. He said that I had been pregnant for 14 days and that I would have the baby in another 14 days. The reality of this event scared me and made me wonder if I may have actually been pregnant, but there were no physical signs of pregnancy. I began to question how the star people go through the process of creating hybrids; children of a human and star person genetic makeup. I do not feel that there is anything beautiful about the way they create children. The picture I get is not of a warm, fertile, 28

Operations glowing pregnant woman overjoyed about the life growing inside her; the picture I get is of a cold, sterile environment where a woman’s uterus is implanted and the child kept secret from her. The fetus is taken away shortly thereafter when it is “ripe.” It is certainly not a method our human culture would find comfortable. I did not always recall events immediately. Sometimes it took a few days to remember them. At times, I had flashbacks of a previous night's experience later in the day, perhaps the afternoon. For example, one day while I was at work, standing over the cash register, I felt a sudden sharp pressure in my left ovary. An image of lying on a cold table while three star people stared down at me popped into my mind. My lower abdomen felt as though it had filled up with air and then all the air was sucked back out. It was quite uncomfortable, to say the least. So, there I was, standing behind the counter of the art gallery I worked in, having a memory triggered by the pain in my ovary. I kept quiet until the only customer left the gallery; I then locked the door, went to the bathroom, and cried. The triggered memory led me to recall this event, one in which the local doctor lived nextdoor. I woke and hastily scrambled from the blankets to join my husband, who was running through the house in terror, locking all the doors and windows. I anxiously followed him, confused by his fear. “What’s wrong?’ I asked. “I don’t want any company coming over! It’s your fault!” he turned and glared with hurt eyes. “You invited them!” he screamed. Well, I really didn’t know what he was talking about, and I was trying to understand, but he was hysterical. At that point, I briefly woke up and wondered how it was possible that I just woke up twice! I sat up in my bed and looked down the hallway leading off from my bedroom. At the far end of the 29

Invitation to the Self hallway was a chair. Sitting on that chair was a figure in a black trench coat and hat. Now, I must have been seriously “out of it,” because I was not alarmed whatsoever. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, it's just a star person," as if that were perfectly acceptable, and I lay back down, immediately losing consciousness of the physical world. I have no more recollection of what occurred that night. My best guess as to what actually happened was that the star people had taken eggs from my ovaries. Lying on a hard, flat, metal table having eggs sucked out of me by three star people was, strangely, not terrifying. I don't really know why, I just seemed to be rather calm and quiet about the whole thing, or at least what I remember of it. Perhaps they used some type of calming technique to prevent me from kicking and screaming at the top of my lungs. Unfortunately, all experiences were not so easy to deal with. On a few rare occasions, there were actual "abductions" where I was forcibly taken from my house. Here is one example: This event was very real and considerably traumatic for me. All night long, I slipped in and out of an altered state of consciousness that mirrored my normal, waking world. At first, I was looking up at the night sky at what appeared to be a triangular-shaped UFO. It looked like it was filled with numerous small, bright white lights. It started pulsating, and the movement reminded me of a swimming jellyfish. As I watched the pulsating of the lights, my legs began to feel tingly and sore, as though there were a connection between the movement of the lights and the soreness in my legs. I was unable to look down for further analysis. I briefly left the scene, going in and out of waking consciousness. I returned to the altered state, this time lying on the front seat of a car, 30

Operations looking up at the night sky. The triangular-shaped light was still there and once again began pulsating. With every movement of the light, my legs were slowly pulled away as though they were being stretched from my body. They were so tingly and sore, I started to cry. I had no control over the situation. The light pulsated in time with the yanking on my legs. I instinctually knew that I was not seeing the whole picture, no matter how hard I tried. The pain became greater and I prayed for the ordeal to end. My legs were pulled farther apart as the pain became more intense. I felt that I could barely stand it. I was completely paralyzed, and the throbbing pain was spreading into my lower groin area. This time, I was terrified. I quickly slipped from one situation to another. What I saw then was a screen memory (a false image used to cover up what was really happening) of a spider, then I saw myself lying on my own bed and then sitting in a bathroom. I reentered the original state and found myself in an underground building, walking around hallways and deserted rooms. I was hurt from the previous episode, both mentally and physically. Tears were fresh on my face as I rounded a corner and saw a human woman seated behind a desk in one of the small rooms. She asked what was wrong and what had happened to me, in a mocking, false sympathy. The woman was not truly concerned about me; that was clear. Her motives were malicious in nature, not helpful. I looked over to one of the empty rooms across the hallway from her to see a large hand pointing to what appeared to be ancient writing on a stone wall. It said DECEIT. I never saw a star person in this entire experience, and not seeing one during an extremely vivid visitation like this was very rare indeed. Why were some visitations peaceful and interesting while others were 31

Invitation to the Self purely terror? Well, in that experience there was absolutely nothing to feel good about, nothing to rationalize the actions of whoever did that to me, and the sign on the wall makes me wonder even more – was my subconscious mind trying to tell me something? The idea of being forcefully abducted by aliens was bad enough, but to have another human being treat me in such a fashion…. The thoughts made no logical sense, but it was just the beginning. Sometimes, an experience occurs that is quite terrifying, and nobody can say anything to make it any better. This is the type of event that one puts away in the back of the mind, hoping to completely forget. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy. I have one of those horrors that I’ve tried to bury, but it comes back to me now and again, and I’m going to look at it now and share it with you. It is another event that was very frightening and left me feeling helpless. It started out at a party, like the one on the train that attempted to keep my mind occupied. This gathering was in my own kitchen, filled with strange faces and the clamor of many voices. My husband was near me, and it seemed we were both a bit perplexed about what was happening. My eyes felt strange, like there was a pressure building up behind them, pushing them forward, and my vision was off as well, which prevented me from focusing properly. I said to my husband, “Something isn’t right – I don’t feel like myself.” As the party continued, the bad feeling became more intense. I stood motionless, and partygoers brushed by me, dancing and mingling as if it were quite normal having a dance club in my kitchen. I became totally confused. The party scene changed a number of times, moving from one location to another, until I had gone to three or more different parties. All the while I was standing in one spot, held in place by my confusion 32

Operations and despair. I was becoming quite distraught; afraid of what I was feeling. I kept saying aloud, “This isn’t me…this isn’t me,” over and over again, to anyone that walked by and to myself. My husband was now gone from the scene and no one else listened to my cries. I was with strangers in a strange place, and my vision was blurry and my eyes were sore. I suddenly became aware of standing in my own kitchen once again, and all the party people were still there. My eyes hurt terribly and I was scared, not understanding what was happening around me. I vaguely recall deciding to walk into my bedroom, in a vain attempt to escape the noise and confusion, but when I became fully conscious of the situation, I was lying on my bed surrounded by three star people. A female sat next to me on the bed. I looked up at her, hoping to finally receive some sympathy. She was pale and thin with comparatively small black eyes that focused on me with a sense of pity, as if they were examining a frightened animal. One male was standing near the foot of the bed, and another male was guarding the bedroom door. They were a bit taller and wider than the female. This is the only instance that I can recall being in a situation where the door was guarded, and I got the impression that it was meant to keep others out rather than keep me in – it wasn’t like I was struggling, anyway. In the rest of the house, the “party” was still in progress. As the female made eye contact with me, a form of silent communication took place. I felt that she needed to do something, a job of some sort that I would not like. Knowing that she felt empathy for me, I confided in her, “This isn’t me; something is wrong with my eyes.” She appeared to be concerned and somehow sad.

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Invitation to the Self She did not answer my plea for help, but instead went forward with her task. She held a long, thin “probe” in her hand. Well, I knew what was coming and I hoped it would be over with quick. She gently inserted this probe into me, swiftly felt around for something, and then pulled it back out. The specifics of this event are not clear to me, maybe because I do not want them to be…. This happened over 14 years ago, and I still have trouble thinking about it. The next thing I knew, two male star people were dragging me into the bathroom. They were quite tall, about 6-foot-5 or so, and I believe these were the same two from the bedroom. They were very strong, standing on either side of me, gripping me tightly by the arms. Now, this part was even worse than the bedroom scene, if you can imagine that. The two star people forced me to look into the mirror. Normally, this isn’t difficult to do, but it just so happened that my eyes and the rest of my face appeared to be melting off. I screamed at the top of my lungs, like I had never thought of doing before, and never even knew was possible. My eyes were becoming very “alien-like” – it appeared as though my face were transforming into a new shape, and my eyes were becoming huge, slanted, almonds. They were as bloodshot as they could possibly be, with warm liquid flowing from them like someone had turned on a faucet. I cried and wailed as my eyes widened and stretched, taking on new form…growing, bulging from their sockets. Screams of horror filled the tiny room as my grotesquely misshapen face bled into a new, elongated shape. Fear gripped me as I wondered somewhere in the back of my mind where human nature still existed…. “Will my face run off onto the floor? How will I breath? Or eat? Will I stay this way forever?” Afraid that my eyes would stream out of my head like 34

Operations punctured egg yolks, fear flowed from my very pores and turned to anger. I thrashed wildly as hatred jumped the 12 inches from my face to the mirror, bouncing back and forth until I had no strength left in me. Still, I kicked and screamed, lashing out to make those two let go of me, but they would not. I hated them and I hated myself, and I know I kicked them good, but they held on, forcing me to see myself in the mirror. I screeched and wailed, “That’s not me! That’s not me!” as my face and eyes became so ugly, so grotesque. The more I screamed, the worse it became. I hated seeing that face so much, that as I screamed, I poured all of my hate into the mirror. I fought with reserves that seemed unreal, so far past my normal boundary of strength that I was now on autopilot. There was no more rational thought, as my soul piercing cries shattered the glass and I woke in my bed, trembling. I lay there, almost lifeless, for some time. My pillow was drenched, and my eyes were sore. I was crying and shaking when I woke up, and I kept crying for a while. It took about an hour before I could get up and bring myself to look into the bathroom mirror, and when I did, I was very cautious, as though my reflection might jump out and grab me. I was relieved to see that my face looked normal except for being red from crying. When I look back at this information, I try to find something that makes sense. During the mirror trial, the two male star people were not trying to be mean to me. There was a silent communication that told me they were doing this for a reason, possibly for my own good. They were not happy about holding me and making me face myself in the mirror. Just as the female star person felt empathy for me, so did 35

Invitation to the Self these two. For a long time, I couldn’t understand why the star people would feel concern for me and at the same time put me through all that emotional turmoil. Then I thought about wild animals that scientists capture, do tests on, tag and let go, and this is supposedly done with good intentions. Well, what are the helpless animals thinking and feeling after being shot with tranquilizers and dragged around in a strange environment? I believe this is a similar situation and one that I can use to help me understand my experience better. If I look at the overall picture of that night, it was emotionally draining, but I managed to live through it. New thoughts have recently come to my mind about this incident. One thing that happened for sure, whether it was planned or not, was that I faced my fears that night. I saw something in that mirror, some part of myself that I did not like. I tried everything to avoid seeing it, and I hated confronting it. The following day, I felt like an angel. I had poured out so much anger and hate, there was an emptiness that needed filling – and I filled it with love. That experience was a rare one where I was forced to do things I didn’t want to. As I have already mentioned, my relationship with the star people was interesting in that I usually had my own free will and could basically do what I wanted. Whether this was due to their friendliness toward me, or my own ability in making it so, I am not sure. Here is an early visitation in which I did have control and had the option of having a visit or not: In one of the earliest records, I have an intriguing occurrence that needs telling. Please keep in mind that I had been seeing the star people since I was a young child, but I had blocked that memory from

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Operations my adult mind for some time. In this experience, I seem to have recalled my connection with them and actually called them to visit. Early in the evening, I felt a longing to see my star friends. I was standing in the hallway at the time, thinking about what I could do to call them to me. Figuring that anything was worth a try, I spoke out loud to them, hoping they would hear. I went to bed as usual that night, and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary (so far, anyway). Around 5 a.m. I woke to hear my cat meowing loudly. She was sitting in the hallway, staring at the backdoor, so I got up to let her out. As I opened the door, I saw a tiny white light in the sky above the house. I was still groggy from sleep, and I thought it was probably a plane, but I waved just in case it was the star people. I crawled back into bed, got under the covers and just lay there. I couldn’t get back to sleep. Shortly thereafter, I started hearing extremely bizarre noises. At first, I thought it was the cat jumping around or possibly raccoons getting into the trashcans, but the more I listened, the more “cartoon-like” the noises became. It’s rather difficult to explain, but I’d heard these sounds before – the star people sometimes make them. I listened carefully to see what I could make of it, but I could only hear the sounds every now and then, and they happened so quickly, it was hard to decipher. After lying there for a while, listening intently, I heard a voice whispering to me. This startled me quite a bit, as it seemed the voice was inside my head…so I wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me or if I was just making it up, but the voice kept talking. I did know that telepathy was a form of communication they used. I began to wonder if the star people were trying to contact me, and I thought to myself, “Maybe my friends actually came to see me…I can’t see them 37

Invitation to the Self while I’m awake…can I? No, I don’t want to, I’d be too scared for that.” Then the voice said to me, “You have to go to sleep.” I thought about what was occurring and weighed my options. Either way, whether it was my own subconscious mind or if there actually was a separate entity involved, someone was speaking to me, possibly the star people that I had spoken to earlier in the night. I replied, “I know, but it’s hard to sleep when you guys are making all that noise!” I had my eyes fixed on the back door, ready for it to fling wide open, thinking they were getting ready to walk right in, my muscles tense, heart pounding. The voice asked, “Why don’t you look out your window?” and I replied, “Why should I?” There was a brief silence and then, “Are you scared?” Then I felt like I was being put to the test so I bravely said, “No,” and forced myself to sit up and look out the window. I saw nothing unusual. I came to the conclusion that if someone was out there, they could see me, but I could not see them. Then I suddenly went into a state of denial and thought, “I’m just making this up, those noises came from the cat.” So I went to the backdoor, opened it and called the cat. She came running in. I scanned the yard and sky, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. I went back to bed and soon the weird cartoon noises started up once again. At that point I just wanted the noises to stop, so I could get some rest. I couldn’t make any sense out of it anyway. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I was wasting time with voices in my head. I tossed and turned, tried every which way to get comfortable and sleep, but I was unsuccessful. In a feeble attempt to acquire some peace, I directed another thought to the voice, “Please help me go to sleep.” The voice was still there and it replied, “I will try.” I made a sincere effort to let 38

Operations my muscles relax, think of something soothing, and permit myself to drift off, but it wasn't working. There was just too much anxiety at that point. I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking that I might as well just get up since it was almost morning anyway. Then, without warning, my body seemed to be dozing off…the only problem was that my eyes were still wide open! I didn’t feel tired at all; in fact, I was very alert. I felt as though I were going into a trance-like state, as my arms and legs began to lose muscle control and my body went limp. Being the inquisitive individual that I am, I let the experience take me instead of fighting it off, which I could have done. I kept my eyes open to watch the amazing transformation. Sirens began to wail in my mind. They got louder and louder, and all the time I knew that I was the only one who could hear them. I turned my head toward the window and saw little red lights. I thought to myself that the star people were trying to help me go to sleep, but they were not getting it quite right. I WAS NOT ASLEEP! What I did not realize at the time was that I was being pulled into an alternate reality. Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly I might add, I felt myself being pulled out of the bed, dragged by my head and shoulders toward the floor. Three small star people were pulling me out of bed. I did not see them with my eyes, but could feel them there; However, I must have glanced at them at one point, because I remember seeing that they were a glowing yellow color. I was moving my head, looking around the room, thinking that it was absolutely crazy, being wide-awake while this was happening. I looked toward the bed and saw myself lying there…I was no longer in my physical body, but I was consciously aware of my surroundings. It felt so real to me, and the room was just 39

Invitation to the Self as I had seen it through physical eyes only moments before. “What’s going on? Why are they pulling me out of my bed? I don’t like this. I don’t want to go! I’m bringing myself out of this!” I pushed so hard, by sheer force of will, to speak aloud. I yelled at them, “You know, you guys are pests!” I immediately snapped out of the “trance-like state” and was once again lying in my bed. Everything seemed to be back to normal for a few minutes, until I heard strange sounds again and a voice that asked, “What is a pest?” I saw a vision of their craft in the sky above the house as it was flying away, and one of them was waving goodbye to me. I answered, “One who pesters! You were bothering me!” The rest of my sleep time was quiet and restful. I came to the understanding that I always had a choice. No matter who it was, if I could harness my own inner will and strength, I would have complete control. And the star people also came to know this of me, and I was respected for it. Every now and then, I was fortunate enough to know about a visitation ahead of time. I would find this information in dreams and visions, and sometimes from spirit friends who guided me. On one of these occasions, when I knew the star people would be coming weeks beforehand, I decided to set up my video camera and tape myself sleeping throughout the night. Not only did I want to see if my physical body moved from the bed, I also wanted to capture the star people on videotape! I prepared the equipment, setting it up at the end of the hallway, pointing directly toward where I would be lying in the bedroom. I had great expectations and was fairly nervous, but I managed to get to sleep that night.

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Operations The star people actually showed up on time. Judging by the way I felt and how aware I was of my surroundings, I believed myself to be coming into consciousness. I was cognizant of numerous small beings running through the front rooms of the house. They averaged a height of 3-foot and prominent black eyes. At that point, I glanced toward the foot of my bed and saw little yellow sparks and heard what I termed a "magic wand" noise (maybe something I'd heard on a cartoon). I sat upright in the bed and looked down the hallway. A small star person came up from the back of the video camera and promptly turned it off! I then heard a loud banging sound on the roof, which brought me to a full waking state. After a few minutes of being awake, I slipped back into the visitation. As I became refocused in the new state of consciousness, a thought came to mind - the star people had come for a visit, but I had forgotten most of the event. I decided to look out the window for any sign of unusual activity. When I pulled open the curtain and peered out, I saw three red, V-shaped craft flying upward, away from the house. Dejectedly, I slumped over on the bed, disappointed that I had not gotten a clearer look at the star people, and I felt a cold chill run up my spine. Suddenly, two of the V-shaped craft turned back to land in the yard. A knock sounded on the side door, close to the bedroom. Apparently still in the alternate state of consciousness, I tried to wake my husband, to tell him there was someone at the door, but he grouchily said, "so what"…so I got up by myself and answered the knock. I was not scared at all, just curious. When I opened the door, a lovely older star lady stood before me. She was like no one I had ever seen before. However, I felt as if I had 41

Invitation to the Self known her forever, and her bright smile gave me comfort. She was short and chubby with small, jet black, almond-shaped eyes. She was clothed in loose, cotton-looking robes of various colors, with a matching cloth scarf wrapped around the top of her head. She told me that she'd heard me thinking and knew I was cold, so she came back to see me. She went on to say that she was “very proud" of me. I was popular with the star people because I had a certain type of energy. She went on to talk about electricity and how I had affected some of the things in the house with my energy. I was not clear on what she was saying, but she seemed to be very pleased with me, and I was sorry to see her go. Okay, now to the part I'm sure you are wondering about - did the video camera catch anything? Not much. In the morning, I sat down in front of the television and watched the videotape nonstop. This is what I witnessed: every now and then I rolled from side to side, just as if I were sleeping normally. There was no activity on the tape except for one small spot that lasted roughly 30 seconds. At that point on the tape, there was a kind of "wet breathing" sound that lasted approximately five seconds. The camera went dead, and the screen filled with static. After 20 seconds or so, the tape resumed and the sound of my neighbor’s barking dogs was heard in the background. I never saw myself sit up on the videotape. What I can deduce from this is two possibilities: either I sat up while the camera went to static (which really wouldn’t have given me enough time), or my sitting up happened in another state of existence in which I was very close to waking consciousness. This was a groundbreaking event for me. It made me question how it was that I could consciously recall sitting up during the night, but 42

Operations the videotape did not show any evidence of it. It really made me start to wonder about the possibility of how I could wake up in the morning with physical scars on my body, if the star people had not physically taken me out of bed and put the marks on me. That was just the beginning of my query, and believe me, it has not been an easy one to understand. Our Western culture has been conditioned to believe that if an event does not happen physically, then it is not real. I have come to the understanding that reality transcends the physical; events that occur in other levels of the conscious mind have meaning and worth just as material events do. These events that occur in various levels of consciousness are very much as real and valid as any material event. In order for me to comprehend what was happening with the star people and the visitations, I had to come up with a term for where the events were taking place. I have named the multitude of non-physical levels of conscious awareness the “alternate reality.” The alternate reality is a general term for various levels of consciousness and states of mind, other than the normal physical consciousness. It is a spiritual concept that transcends space and time. Whatever happens on these other levels of awareness affects the physical world and vice versa. This is so for everyone. For the most part, this is where the visitations take place – in the alternate reality. There were many, many things that happened during the visitations that were difficult to explain. Besides the fact that translating an experience from the alternate reality into physical terms is quite difficult, the encounters have been shrouded in symbolism and filled with what can only be termed “alien culture” recalled in fragments.

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Invitation to the Self Add to this the fact that many experiencers are disoriented when near the star people, and they are unfamiliar with the territory. Sometimes it can be difficult enough to recall visitations at all, but when they are remembered, the memory does not always bring the order of events back right away, either because a traumatic event was too much to handle and purposely buried by the self, or because the star people covered it up. Then there are "screen memories" - images or thoughts that are remembered instead of the actual event. For me, some screen memories have been small animals such as cats, rabbits, owls, and even larger animals like deer. The most frequently used false image (over-used to the point of obviously being fake) is the spider! In other words, when I dream of a bulbous-headed deer with large black eyes or a two-foot long spider, I get suspicious! Owls have made a huge impact on my life, not just by appearing in screen memories, but by entering my waking world as well. I have come to find that when I hear an owl in the evening, there is a good probability I will have a visitation. I do not know what the connection is, but it is there. On more occasions than I can count, owls have “alerted” me to the possibility of visitation. In many ways, I consider the owl to be a helpful guide. Sometimes, however, I am not pleased when all I remember from a night’s experience is the vision of an owl…but this also alerts me and tells me to look deeper for hidden memories. For example, one evening I heard two owls hooting outside my bedroom window, somewhere very close by. I thought that I might look out the window to see the owls, but then I thought better of it, not wanting to “bring on” a visitation; some nights I longed for regular sleep. So, I didn’t look, but that did not prevent the event from 44

Operations occurring. The next morning, my left arm felt sore, like I had a bruise. I checked it out and found a brand new scar. I had no recollection of any dreams that night, which was quite abnormal for me. I realized there must have been something going on, but I never did figure it out. That was not always the case. One morning in particular, I could recall no dreams whatsoever upon waking. This of course, was unusual for me, so I tried to remember anything at all (a feeling, a fleeting glimpse of a memory, etc.). I suddenly recalled waking in the very early morning, about 3:00 a.m., and hearing owls hooting outside. I looked out the window and saw a huge owl staring back at me. I am talking BIG, like 3-foot tall! Not only was it enormous, it had large, slanted eyes, which were glowing yellow! For some reason, probably because it just didn’t compute, my mind quickly tried to analyze the picture, and the idea I came up with was that maybe it was just a big cat…. Well, I was a bit confused. In the end, I recall thinking, “It’s just an owl,” and that was it, no more recollection. The more I thought this over the following day, the more and more I came to realize that I had experienced a screen memory. This made me quite upset, much more than usual, for some reason. Perhaps I was becoming tired of being “lied” to. I decided to let those star people have it. I began yelling at them, hoping they could hear me. “I don’t appreciate having screen memories!” I told them that they no were no longer allowed to take eggs from me, and if they did, the whole universe would know about it, and they would be held accountable for their actions. I went on to say that if they were going to visit secretly, to not come at all.

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Invitation to the Self Two nights later, a UFO flew slowly across the field toward my house. I watched as it approached, noticing that the movement was slow and deliberate. I could see two star people standing inside the ship in front of a large window. My whole family and I were sitting in the living room of our house, waiting. The room filled with an orange glow, as the two star people instantly appeared standing side by side in my living room. These were “representatives” sent to apologize to me. They said that they did not realize I was uncomfortable, and they were sorry to have made me feel that way. These star people were tall and slender with fairly normal (human-sized) heads and eyes, and lightcolored skin. I have built a friendly relationship with this “species” of star people, and I believe these are the same ones that came to see me when I was 11 years old. I can remember thinking that these two were very “clean and straightforward.” After apologizing profusely and making sure that I felt better, the representatives took off. From that moment on, the extraction of ovum halted and the screen memories became few and far between.

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Visitation Part Two hybrids

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Invitation to the Self One of my first conscious experiences with the hybrid people occurred when I was 21 years old. When I say hybrid, I am referring to a person who has a mixture of human and star person genetics – it does not always seem to be a half and half mix, but more like some DNA got switched around here and there. In fact, it would not surprise me if a hybrid was created with a conglomeration of genetic material from a number of different entities. So this gives them an interesting and varied look…. I was consciously awake for a good part of this experience, but was disoriented at times. What happened that night would set a precedent for visitations that followed - the sheer reality of it screaming in my face, telling me to rethink my whole worldview. I found myself in a place that I called "home." I believe I referred to it that way because of the strong feelings of love and family I was immersed in. I started off standing on a wet, muddy mountainside not far from the summit. It was a clear night, stars shining, all five senses working overtime. There were other mountains close by, all covered with tall clumps of grass and trees. As I stood there on the slope, two UFOs slowly flew over. One was a small, light-colored disc with multicolored lights encircling the edges. The other one had no visible lighting and was larger, probably about 20 feet in diameter, with black and grey coloring, looking surprisingly like a hard plastic. That one in particular seemed very familiar to me, so much so that I knew I had a connection with these star people and had definitely seen them before. I smiled and waved as the ships flew over. They both tilted back and forth onto their sides slightly, I suppose to say "Hello." I got a warm, friendly feeling from them. They quietly flew up to the top of the mountain and out of my sight. I excitedly took off after them, slipping 48

Hybrids and losing my balance in the mud, landing on my knees. I grabbed a clump of grass and caught myself, managing to stumble my way over the top. Now I could see that the two ships had landed, and beyond them stood a white, one-story building made of brick. Breath came in short spurts as I ran for the parked UFOs. Their doors opened and an array of people came out: humans, star people, star people that looked like humans, and the hybrids. They all seemed to be friendly, and smiled and greeted me as they passed. I was completely in awe, standing there with a gaping grin on my face, hands and legs covered in mud. It must have been a fascinating sight for them as well. A third UFO landed nearby. I stood and stared open-mouthed as a star person exited the craft and approached me. He smiled and said, "Do not worry, soon we will be introduced to the Earth." He invited me to the white building, in which there was a "party" of some sort going on. I gladly accepted the invitation. We entered the building together, but then he turned right and I turned left as we went our separate ways. The party was more like a family reunion boasting all shapes and sizes of people. It was truly amazing. I didn’t know what to do, and there was no one guiding me, so I looked for a friendly face. I briefly sat at a table with a male hybrid who had striking green eyes and jet-black hair. He looked almost completely human, but I could sense that something was different. I wanted to stay and talk, but someone was calling me from a side door. They kept coaxing me to "come on, come on!” so I ended up walking toward the voice and leaving the building. My memory blanks out there. I already had the knowledge of the existence of hybrids, but I had never seen one face to face. From the reading I had done, I expected a 49

Invitation to the Self hybrid to be a small, frail, weak-looking, generally unhealthy child. The hybrids I have seen, however, have all been strong and healthy. The first ones I met were already strong adults. These were not deformedlooking, grotesque monstrosities. They very much had the appearance of being human, but some with larger than normal eyes and paler skin. Light colored hair seems to prevail, but I have seen dark brown and black hair as well. Also, every hybrid I have met has had a pleasant demeanor. This experience, however, being the first one of its kind, was a real shocker for me – during the event, I was completely aware of my surroundings, and I was free to explore. I gawked openly as people of various sizes and colors passed me, casually talking and strolling by as if everything were normal. What really scared me was the idea that it WAS normal. The thought that I had some type of connection with these people was frightening, even though it felt good to be there. I had that feeling of being in a loving environment, and nothing that I experienced or witnessed made me feel otherwise…it was just the fact that I was mingling in a crowd of interplanetary guests! Many of the people, whether they were star person, human, or hybrid already seemed familiar to me. How could that be? I didn’t remember them, but I had a feeling I had been around these people before. I was confused and amazed and left to ponder the possibilities over in my mind. No one was offering any explanations and I, of course, was too dumbfounded to ask. I have the feeling this was my introductory experience with the hybrids because, after this, I would see hybrid people again in group settings and one on one. While I was just beginning to develop some sort of a sense of where I stood with the visitations, a new pattern of events came 50

Hybrids flowing out of my mind to fill the pages of my dream journal. These new experiences involved the government and, strangely, the government having some kind of connection with the star people. Many times, during aware states of consciousness, I was in the presence of military personnel including Army and Air Force. One night I had a vivid dream about a nearby NASA base swarming with activity. Airplanes and helicopters flew across the sky, all headed for the base. There were so many, I knew something must have been going on. Being the inquisitive individual I am, I got in my car and started driving over that way to check it out. The road was filled with heavily laden Army trucks. I turned on the car radio to hear some tunes. All the local people wanted to know what the commotion was, so a conference was held at the town hall, and an announcement broadcasted over the radio. The public was informed that the Army trucks were simply delivering toys to the elementary schools in the area. The people accepted this ridiculous explanation and went about their business. I, however, did not accept it because, for one thing, they were headed in the wrong direction. I drove over to the NASA base and went inside the gates. I parked the car and walked through airplane hangars and other types of buildings until I came to a structure that seemed to be the center of attention. Trucks pulled up and soldiers were walking about. I carefully snuck inside and worked my way into a back room. I was looking for any information I could find. As I was snooping, a man in uniform walked in and found me there but was not really surprised to see me. He smiled and said, “Come with me,” so I followed him. He led me outside to a cleared field that was surrounded by trees, hidden from view. 51

Invitation to the Self A UFO had landed in the field and brought “babies” with it. Why the UFO came to the NASA base, I have no idea. At that point, my attention was completely drawn and focused on the little newborn star people. The man escorted me over to an area off to the side that I can’t remember too well. What I do know is that he placed a baby in my arms and then backed off. “Oh my God, what is this thing?” was my first impression. I thought it was going to bite me! I was scared but intrigued at the same time. I decided to give it a chance. The baby appeared to be human, for the most part, but I could tell without the shadow of a doubt that something was not right. There seemed to be little claws growing from the fingertips, and the teeth were definitely sharp, not flat-edged. As I held the child in my arms, I quickly noticed that it was growing! I started to panic, but then thought, “Well, it’s not human, so maybe that’s how alien children grow…really fast,” convincing myself that this might be normal in some fashion, in some reality. I walked over to a swing set that had been built just for the arrival of these babies. I let the child walk over and climb up onto the swing. I stood there in sheer disbelief, completely dumbfounded, as the child grew from an infant to about seven or eight years of age. It went from lying in my arms and not being able to hold up its own head, to walking, climbing, and swinging! I heard rumbling coming from the sky and looked up to see dark clouds approaching. I knew there would be a bad storm and that I would have to get the child and go inside. I woke up. I did not particularly feel a connection to this child, just a responsibility for it while I was there, as if I were babysitting. It had never really and truly occurred to me what the ovum extractions had been for…actually, the fact of the matter is, I did not want to sit down 52

Hybrids and analyze that data. Of course, I knew what the star people were doing, but I did not permit myself to think about it. How could I let myself ponder the idea that I was producing offspring that were automatically being taken away from me and brought to some far away place? Let alone, being raised by people who were not human? I did not often bring those thoughts to the surface of my mind. How could I ever imagine that I had children living among the “stars,” someplace that I didn’t even understand, or know how to get to? These were not rational thoughts, and they were not something that I could deal with at that time, having no support system. Unfortunately, I could not completely block these thoughts from my mind, even though I wanted to. There was no escaping it, because I was living it! During one visitation, I was standing on a wooden deck attached to the back of my house. My memory picks up with soapy water spilling across the wooden planks, bringing my eyes to rest on a large washtub filled with bubbles and containing one chubby baby. I instinctively looked up to see a UFO hovering above the tree line, watching me. One thing is for sure – the star people are relentless observers. My hands held a washcloth covered in warm water and bubbles that dripped down my leg. Apparently, I was giving this baby a bath. The strange thing was, I was under the distinct impression that this was supposed to be MY baby. It appeared to be completely human, but I had been thrown into this setting quite unaware of anything, especially having a baby. I woke from the scene and recorded the experience. It was as if they wanted to set this impression in my mind and leave me with it. I did not, however, feel a connection to the child.

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Invitation to the Self Two months later, an extremely disturbing visitation occurred. Going into what I can best describe as a consciously aware state of alternate existence, I became cognizant of the fact that the star people were very closely watching me. I could feel them all around, so close that it seemed I could feel their breath on my skin, but I could not see them. As you can imagine, it scared me. I woke myself up, but quickly fell back to sleep. I did this over and over again, and each time I found myself in the same alternate state, lying in my bed. The last time I entered this state during the course of the night, there was a tall, slender, star person standing in the bedroom doorway. He said to me, “You and your family are very important to us.” He nodded toward the bed. I turned to look behind me and saw the baby boy lying next to me. I screamed and woke up. It was about 3 a.m., and I stayed awake for the rest of the night, terribly frightened. It was the same baby from the previous experience! I later got the impression that this was a child of mine, one that lived with the star people. I still really do not know for sure. You might be wondering where my husband was during these times of duress. Well, most of the time he was sleeping on the couch, or had not gotten home from a night out with his friends. Sometimes he was there with me, asleep. I just didn’t wake him, because when I had before, he did not want to be bothered. It was not a good relationship. I suppose the fact that aliens visited me didn’t help matters, but it certainly was not the only reason behind our eventual divorce a year later. At that time in my life, I worked a full-time job at an art gallery, cared for my young daughter, took care of the house, and was a charter member and vice-president of community development for the 54

Hybrids local Jaycees. I lived my daily life as normally as any person would, except for the fact that truly weird stuff happened to me at night. My way to deal with it was to record the data and attempt to analyze it, to try and make some sense of it. One evening, after a Jaycees meeting at a friend’s place, I began to make the trek back to my house. I had been offered a ride, but it was a nice night in a quiet neighborhood, and I lived right on the other side of the thin woods. I wanted to take my time and enjoy the evening air. I believe it was around 9:30 p.m. It was a cool autumn night and I could make out houses through the leafless woods as I approached. As I jumped the ditch and stepped into the wooded area, I began to hear dried leaves rustling nearby me, so I stopped to listen. I heard nothing, so assumed it was just my own feet lumbering through. I continued my walk and heard the sound once again, at ground level on both sides of me, now clearly not my own feet. My first thought was that two frogs were hopping alongside, but I couldn’t quite tell if it was an actual hopping or a dragging sound. I picked up my feet and looked closely to see if I was dragging something with me – perhaps a small branch. My next thought was that perhaps there were two snakes flanking my sides. Okay…the explanations I was coming up with were not making much sense; I realize that. I stopped once again to get a better listen, but when I stopped, so did the sound. I proceeded forward and the rustling of leaves on either side of me was quite loud and obviously not my own feet. I strained to see in the darkness, but it was fairly black. I halted in my tracks and said, to the invisible whatever, “I don’t mind if you walk with me, but I am afraid I will step on you.” Once again I resumed my trek and the noises were no more. 55

Invitation to the Self Shaking my head in wonder and giving a short laugh, I left the woods and came into the clearing where my house was located. At that point, there was a bright flash above the roof of my house. I stopped to look at the sky, to see if there was any other information to be gathered, but I saw nothing else. I went into my house and related the episode to my husband, who listened in awe but had no explanation. I do not recall a visitation that night. After separating from my husband in 1990, I spent a good deal of time alone or with my parents and my daughter. I had plenty of spare time to sit and think, and having no one else to talk to, I finally brought myself to tell mom and dad about the visitations. They listened intently and tried to understand what I was going through. I can never thank them enough for the support they have shown me. At first, they had no concept of what I was trying to say. My father’s biggest question was “How do you know they’re aliens?” I attempted to explain that they definitely were not humans; they didn’t look like humans, they didn’t act like humans, they just were not of this planet! I didn’t even try to go into the possibility of them existing in another dimension. Calling them “alien” was just the easiest way to get the basic idea across. Regardless, my parents concluded that I was having a “metaphysical experience,” which was okay with them, and that was good enough for me. While I was in the transitionary phase of not having a male partner, a pre-cancerous condition was discovered in my cervix. The gynecologist sadly gave me the news, suggesting an immediate hysterectomy. I broke down crying in his office. After many tears, I explained to him that I desperately wanted to have another child. He tried earnestly to console me, asking personal questions about my life, 56

Hybrids hoping to come up with valid suggestions. I was 23 years old at the time. I had no partner and no hopes of reuniting with my former husband. The doctor and I decided to try a simple surgery that would attempt to remove the abnormal cells from the cervix, hoping to catch it before it spread any further. He was not very hopeful however, and in all seriousness advised me to find a man and get pregnant within the next six months. The first surgery, which took place only a month later, was unsuccessful. A second operation was attempted a few months later, and then a third, also without positive results. The condition was becoming more severe and was spreading rapidly. The surgery date for the hysterectomy was set. I spent a good deal of time crying and praying. I was still alone, and had almost given up on the chances of having another child, when I met Bryan in 1991. From the start, Bryan was thoughtful, loving, and caring. I told him all about the visitations right away and he was very accepting of the whole thing. It was like a miracle. He was very interested in metaphysical experiences and the paranormal, having done quite a bit of research and study on the subject already. We have always discussed my visitation experiences in-depth, and he has always been understanding and supportive. I did not want to waste any time getting into this relationship, if you know what I mean. I desired to give birth to my second and last child, and I had to do it in a hurry, preferably with a man I was in love with. Luckily for me, my wish came true. After being together for a mere two-month period, Bryan and I decided to commit to each other and make this dream a reality. We had discussed the details in-depth, both knowing that neither one of us was financially stable. However, what mattered more than anything at 57

Invitation to the Self that point was bringing my second child into the world. During our weeks of discussions, I experienced a visitation. I came to consciousness in a small, shiny metal room, accompanied by my new partner, Bryan. There were a number of “nurses” preparing instruments around two tables that had been pushed together. I was approached by who I assumed to be the head nurse. She asked us to climb onto the tables and lie down, side by side. We did this, and she proceeded to wrap cloth straps around my right leg and Bryan’s left leg, bringing our legs together as one. Bryan was quiet and cooperative, and I wasn’t sure if he was fully aware of what was happening. There was no threat of harm, so I went along with what was asked of us. The head nurse looked familiar, and she apparently knew me already. Smiling, she looked over toward me and said, “Don’t worry, this will be just like last time.” What I vaguely recall at that point is Bryan and I both having a small slice of skin taken from each of our legs. The nurses performed a short procedure with these skin samples to test our “compatibility.” With a very delighted tone of voice and a smile, the nurse relayed to me that the results were positive. A few nights later, Bryan invited me to his house for dinner. Being the excellent chef that he is, he had whipped up a wonderful dish of Chicken Parmesan that we enjoyed thoroughly, seated at a round, candlelit table for two. He had decorated the room beautifully, with candles glowing in all the corners and soft music playing in the background. We looked dreamily into each other’s eyes, thinking about the conversations we had been having of spending our lives together. This would be the night I would conceive my second child.

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Hybrids I cannot accurately describe the energy created that evening; I can only say that when I walked out of that house, I felt as if I were drunk. I did not consume any alcohol during the night, but all the same, I was laughing heartily and swaying back and forth on my feet. Spinning around me was a “tornado” of spirit friends, congratulating me and encircling me with a protective energy that would remain throughout my pregnancy. The night was beautiful and new, and I felt reborn, like I had never felt before. Happiness was bursting from inside me, and it was most definitely contagious, as Bryan and I walked down the street laughing together. The doctor considered my pregnancy to be “miraculous,” since three large scoops had already been taken from my cervix, making it difficult for conception to take place. Everyone was happy and looking forward to a healthy delivery. Nine months later, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl - my miracle baby. I immediately underwent a hysterectomy, my uterus ridden with full-blown cancer. I have often wondered what caused this condition to begin in the first place. Did it have something to do with the visitations and the alien experiments? I am sure there was more activity going on than I was able to consciously recall on my own, but I do not know the answer to that question. What I do know is that during my pregnancy, the visitations had practically come to a halt. According to my dreams, I was given a rest and was being protected from any negative experiences. As soon as the pregnancy ended, so did the rest and relaxation. The visitations resumed as usual, but I was growing and learning, therefore, my experiences were changing. Eventually, I became used to being around the hybrids and different types of star people. It was not uncommon for me to be in a 59

Invitation to the Self large room filled with a conglomeration of people, young and old, going about their business or just getting together for some kind of “social.” I met so many people in so many situations, that nothing really surprised me anymore. I came to understand that all these people were somehow related and were part of a family. What I did not fully realize yet was that I was also part of this family. During an exceptionally vivid encounter, I entered the alternate reality and walked outside to my backyard. The grass was wet with dew, and it chilled my bare feet. I looked up and, not surprisingly, saw two UFOs. I walked around to the side yard and saw the sun just coming up above the horizon. It was lovely. I was so accustomed to seeing UFOs that I had taken the time to stroll around the yard and check on my flower garden before giving the star people any further attention. One craft floated off to my left in the distance, about onequarter of a mile away, and the other was hovering about 40 feet in front of me, 20 feet up. There were two people standing not far from the craft to the left, in the distance. They were holding each other closely and silently observing the UFO. I wandered closer to the nearby UFO and it slowly began to descend. A door on the bottom of the ship opened as it neared the ground. Having a mischievous thought, I decided to have some fun with it. You see, I figured out that when I got close to the UFO, it would descend and the door would open…if I backed up, however, the UFO would ascend and the door would close. I repeatedly walked toward the ship and then backed off. Forward. Backward. Forward. Backward. The ship went up and down in the air, the bottom door opening and closing, and I was laughing to myself like a kid testing its parent. 60

Hybrids I wanted to see what the craft would look like from a distance, if it landed with the door open. Cupping hand to mouth, as if I needed more volume (when they could probably read my devilish thoughts), I yelled out, “Keep the door open!” and a voice sounded in my mind, “We can’t keep it open. We can only let YOU in,” which I thought was ridiculous…I was only standing about 30 feet away – would somebody please tell me – WHO is going to see a UFO in my backyard and madly dash into the opening before they can shut the door? I laughed and shook my head and then decided that I’d spare them any more grief and just go in. So, I finally went inside the ship. A male star person was there to greet me. He looked very familiar to me and was quite friendly, but I was more interested in checking out the room. This area appeared to be like a garage! I was surprised to see familiar tools – I’m pretty sure I saw a shovel hanging on the wall and a garbage can in the corner. The bottom door drew closed, but the ship stayed on the ground. I knew this because whenever I wanted to, I just had to think about looking outside and the walls would become transparent. The room had a pleasing blue tint to it, and the walls looked smooth. It felt pretty nice to be in there, but I wondered what they had come for. The cream-colored male, about a foot shorter than me, followed behind and watched my every movement. As I was examining the room, I noticed a table piled with loose pictures. I walked over and sat in a chair in front of the table. Surprisingly, I saw baby pictures of myself. I was confused and wondered how they had gotten them. I examined the photos closely. Some of them looked familiar, maybe because I remembered when they were taken or perhaps because I had not seen them in a long time. From what I recall, I was the only person in the photos, and I 61

Invitation to the Self was just an infant. I looked through them for a few minutes and then noticed baby pictures of both my parents as well. “How the heck did they get these…? Did they steal these from us?” I started to feel a little angry. A star lady had entered the room while I was looking at the photos. I turned around to see her. She was tall, about 6-foot. She was thin, with light-colored skin. Her hair was a light blonde color and was cut very short, above the ears. She looked like a hybrid to me. The male said to me, “This is your mother.” I did not turn toward him when he spoke, but kept my eyes on the stranger…or should I say imposter? This made no sense to me and made me even angrier. I rose from the chair, shoving it backwards. I walked by her, indignantly sticking my nose into the air as I went by. “You aren’t my mother. I already have a mother,” purposely turning my back to her and then returning to the pictures. Feeling dejected, she and the male went to an upper floor of the ship and watched me from there. All together, there were about 10 star people on the upper floor. I could feel them examining my every move, wanting to see my reaction to the pictures and perhaps to my so-called “mother.” No matter how much my interest was drawn to the photos, I was not going to give them what they wanted. I was disgusted. I got up and left. I woke to a seriously tingly body, especially my feet, which was a typical occurrence for me after a visitation. I lay there, still and silent, thinking about the star people. Why did they have those baby pictures? Why did they want me to know they had them? Why would that star lady say she was my “mother?” I knew what they wanted; they wanted

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Hybrids me to accept them as my “family”…but why? I already had my real family. Boy, oh boy, was I in for a rude awakening. A few months after the encounter with my “mother,” I was once again making that familiar trip into the alternate reality, and found myself sitting up in the bed. Bryan was trying to get my attention, yelling excitedly from the back porch, “It’s red, it’s red!” My two daughters were in the bed next to me, and we watched in awe as a red glow filled the room, and a UFO with red lights landed in the yard right outside the windows. Somehow, I instantly knew they had come to help me. They were my friends, and they wanted to give me some type of protection. In fact, this unspoken knowledge was understood simultaneously by my entire family. I didn’t have time to wonder what, exactly, I needed protection for, but I wasn’t going to turn it down! I was excited and scared at the same time, as my husband ran into the room and jumped onto the bed to join us. Using a new skill I had learned from the star people, I focused my thoughts and used subtle energy to create knives for each of us. I handed them out to Bryan and the kids in case we needed them for defense. Even though I felt that these particular visitors were friends of mine, I did not want to take any chances with my family involved, and I knew the star people would understand that. I had dealt with negative experiences enough to know that it is always wise to be prepared. Leaving the bedroom by myself and walking out toward the living room, I peered nervously toward the front door in anticipation and saw small, dark figures approaching the house. Three dark grey star people slowly made their way up the porch steps and entered the front door, then began to glide into the living room. They did not appear to be dangerous. Smiling, I went to greet the three, striding toward them 63

Invitation to the Self saying, “Hi, come on in.” They jumped in fright, quickly turned, and ran the other way. I was confused. I stopped in my tracks and looked behind me to see if something scary was back there, but there was nothing. Then I looked down and saw a dagger in my hand…oops. I opened my hand and willed the knife to disappear. Running to the front door, I stuck my head out and called to them as they were running swiftly toward their ship. I did not want them to go. I showed them my open hands and they cautiously, reluctantly returned. Three little girls stood before me. The oldest one examined my open palm, which I held out to her. She then took my hand and I led the three of them to where my family was sitting in the bedroom. I took a seat next to my husband and kids. The three girls stood near the bed, waiting for me to make the first move. I stared at them as hard as I could. I wanted to see everything about them. I thought they were so beautiful, and I was intrigued. Their fingers were webbed, the backs of their hands had small bumps on them, and their skin was a shady, greyish color, almost black. Their heads were large, and so were their deep, jet-black eyes. I looked into the eyes of the oldest one and asked, “Why do you look like children?” and she replied, “We are children,” apparently not understanding my confusion. For some reason, I just couldn’t fathom the idea that these highly intelligent individuals were actually kids, even though that was the feeling I picked up from them. She explained to me that their fathers were outside in the ship, and there were three of them as well. They had sent the little girls in because I would not be afraid of them, but the fathers might be terrifying to me. I needed to choose names to give their fathers; a way 64

Hybrids for me to label them, to recognize them in some way. This would allow them to make contact with me in a way I could understand, and I would be able to go aboard the ship. So, we made a little game out of it. My family helped me come up with the names. One of them was “Old MacDonald” – everyone thought that was funny, including the star children who laughed when Bryan and my two daughters started laughing. I could see the amusement and fascination in their eyes. They liked being near us. As soon as the three names were chosen, I was immediately transported inside the ship. What I first recall onboard is just gaining consciousness; I had apparently gone through a transition moving to the craft. My vision was beginning to come into focus. I felt disoriented, but was waking and starting to think more clearly. I didn’t realize where I was right away. Then it dawned on me - approximately one foot in front of my face was a star person who must have been 15 foot tall. Standing behind him were two others. These were the fathers the children had spoken of. One of them was finishing up some type of “work” on me, something done to my head, for protection. The room seemed foggy, but perhaps it was my just my vision. There was definitely a soft, white glowing light that filled the room. I felt like sleeping, but I forced myself to stay awake and watch, at least for a few more seconds (which is what I was thinking as I desperately tried to retain consciousness). Fortunately, I had learned to control my fear with the help of past teachings of the star people, so I stayed calm. Regardless, I could feel my heart about to jump out of my chest as my mind came to the abrupt realization that I was standing upright in front of this star person, only coming up to his KNEE!

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Invitation to the Self Even so, no matter how scary, he had done something to my “mind,” a good thing, to give me protection. He treated me with kindness and was very gentle. I was standing so close to him, I think my head was almost touching his knee, and it was awfully frightening. The mere height of him scared me, but I tried to think of watching what was happening instead of being scared. Then…he picked me up in his hands. He was actually able to pick up my entire limp body in just his hands. He brought me up toward his chest, as my heart and mind were both racing like some scared animal. I felt warmth emanating from him as I once again left conscious awareness. My next memory is of standing in the bank parking lot downtown. It was raining. I briefly looked around to see the town that I knew very well covered in the quiet darkness of night, raindrops hitting the pavement. I instinctually began to walk home, my mind filled with thoughts and images. The rain was cold and drenching. I didn’t even pay attention to where I was stepping; I headed home like some zombie just brought to life. The next thing I knew, I was just waking up and was unable to move for a few seconds. I quickly grabbed the dream notebook and began writing as fast as my hands could go. Tears were streaming down my face, spilling onto the notebook and blurring my vision. It was then that it struck me – the realization that the star children I’d just met were my children. MY children…. These children were precious. They were highly intelligent, with a beauty that shone from within. When I met these three daughters of mine, I had no clue who they were, and I am grateful for that. I do not know how I would have reacted, had I known. One thing I do know is 66

Hybrids that I would not have wanted them to leave. I would have held them close to me, in my arms, and soaked in as much of them as I could before they were taken away. I was so impressed with the way they held themselves, standing tall with a sense of self-confidence. There was an air of calm intelligence, as I knew they were observing my every move, and I felt their curiosity perk up when I asked them why they looked like children. They were the same size as many of the adult star people, so it was hard to tell the difference! I finally figured out for myself that they were children by empathically picking up feelings from them. There is a child-like innocence that is apparently universal. When I sat down and looked into the eldest’s big, dark eyes, holding her small hand in mine, I felt a closeness and a compassion that I could not explain. I did not yet know this was my own child. I only felt how attracted we were to each other and how I could have held her hand all night. This is a fond memory that I will never forget. I hold hope in my heart that I will meet with her again. I do not know why the hybrid children are being created. What I can say is that the ones I have been fortunate enough to meet have filled me with intrigue -–their beauty and intelligence, human and star person combined is compelling. I have seen various degrees of this “mixing”; some looking more human and others seeming more like star people, but the underlying theme is of a calm and self-controlled intelligence and inquisitiveness combined with the beauty of human emotion and feeling. They came to me that night as part of a plan to protect me, and they were very brave taking the chance of entering the house on their 67

Invitation to the Self own, with no help from their fathers outside. I have nothing but love and respect for these children, and I see their futures as being very promising, whatever world they live in.

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Visitation Part Three implants

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Invitation to the Self Not long after I began recording my dreams, the conscious recollection of implants surfaced; I remembered having little, metallike objects inserted into various body parts. I became familiar with the star people implants but was never exactly sure what they were for. Don't get me wrong - I am not saying that it was ever a comfortable experience; it was just something I got used to over time. At times, the memory of being implanted was vague and well covered up. For example, in one alternate reality event, I woke, sat up in my bed and noticed that all my bedroom windows were open. I realized immediately it was a visitation – on occasion this happens, things like all the windows being open or all the lights being on or off. I ran out of the room to find help. This is where it goes blank, and the only other thing I could recall in the morning was that "someone was taken out in the woods and implanted by the aliens," which was most likely myself. Of course, at other times, the implantation was very clear and straightforward, and well remembered. The implant would be in place the next day, actually physically present. The most remarkable and clearly recalled implantations were not conducted by the star people, but by U.S. military of some sort. On a night in the early summer of 1992, I gained consciousness on a dark, country road. I was being led by the left arm into an area that contained mobile trailers set up alongside the road, near a large ditch filled with overgrown grass. I saw telephone poles and trees nearby. There was a helicopter flying above me, and a few vehicles with red flashing lights were parked along the roadside. I was led to one of the trailers at the front of the line. Then I saw the man in charge of this operation: a "Washington Official," as I referred to him, in his late 50’s, hair turning white with a reddish tint, skin also had a reddish tint, 70

Implants with lots of wrinkles. His build was medium with a height of about 5foot-11. I knew by picking up feelings from him empathically that this man had done the job many times before, and was actually becoming bored with it. He spoke with some soldiers about my procedure, and I learned that they had no idea how I had been able to dislodge the previous implant from my body. This was information I had not previously or consciously known, but they conversed plainly and openly about it in front of me, as if I could not hear them. The job he needed to do now was to put a new "bug" in my nose, since I had somehow managed to get the "last one" out on my own. What was so insane to me was that I was wide-awake, or at least very consciously aware of what was happening. None of the people around me, all military personnel, seemed to realize this. They must have seen that my eyes were open and I was looking around; truthfully, I felt quite alert and aware of what was happening. They seemed to assume that in my altered state of consciousness, it would be impossible for later recall. I attempted to remain calm and let them drag me around – that’s the way I am of course, have to get that information. I didn’t want them to realize I was awake, so I pretended to be oblivious by letting my eyes glaze over and not look at anyone directly. The man in charge took my arm and led me into the trailer. He sat me down in a swivel chair next to a counter that held a computer. The whole trailer was filled with military personnel working on computers and other types of electrical equipment. He took a seat in the swivel chair beside mine and began to gather the equipment he needed from the counter. It was a little "kit" that contained the tracking device. I was surprised to see

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Invitation to the Self that it was like a standard issue type of thing. He pulled the little pieces from the plastic baggie and positioned himself to begin his work. Leaning toward me, with a concentrated gaze, he used a long, thin tool to push the bug far up into my nose. My eyes began to water, and I wanted to scream so badly, but I dared not let them know I was conscious. I forced myself to remain stationary even though I felt like jumping up and ripping the thing from my nostril. All the while, this guy was talking to the others, joking about something, and so sloppy with his work. He only looked at my nose and did not bother to check anything else about my condition. When the implanting was complete, he casually stood up and grabbed my right arm, still talking to the others in the trailer. I was screaming inside, longing to run out the door, wanting to run into the field and toward trees, wanting so badly to run. I kept my cool somehow, I don't know how, but I did. I acted as “zombie-like” as I possibly could. He slowly led me out the door, down the portable metal steps, and into the road. I looked around slowly, not wanting to attract any undue attention to myself. He let go of my arm and began to walk away. It seemed to me as though he were just going to let me stand there, or just let me wander off, and I didn't know what to do. I scanned the area for personnel. Everyone appeared to be busy doing something else. The guy that had me by the arm was now walking away. This was my break. I carefully stepped off the road, watching them as I took each step down into the ditch, feeling the cold, wet grass on the bottoms of my feet, with the tall plants reaching my knees. I took off. In one quick leap of faith, I charged into the open field, headed for the group of trees, a forest to hide in, I thought. Somehow, 72

Implants I knew I would have to make haste if I were to remove the new implant from my nose. I ran so hard, not looking back. The muscles in my legs burned as I reached their limits and pushed farther, at the same time attempting to hold back the tears enough so I could see and concentrate on escape. Listening all the time to hear their shouting, but none came. I reached the tree line and kept going, soon realizing there was a small town on the other side of the thin wood. I emerged into a quiet area, and of all places, an old gas station. On the side of the building I approached was an open door that I quickly entered. This was a bathroom and, of course, I didn’t take time to think about how fortunate this was. I looked into the mirror as I began blowing my nose harder than ever, directly into the sink. I knew I had to hurry, and I blew with such force that I was getting dizzy. Every now and then, I caught a fleeting glimpse of my face, red and wet with tears. My clogged up nose and uncontrollable sobbing made it difficult to breath. Eventually, a slimy, mucus covered string began to emerge from my right nostril. Gathering up a great amount of courage, I held my breath and grabbed the string securely. With a firm and steady grip, I gently pulled, knowing that the implant was attached to the other end. The string kept coming, as I shook and cried. A white plastic piece appeared, and I could feel something larger approaching. What looked like a knot of stitches was connecting the small white plastic piece to the actual bug. The whole thing, covered in blood and mucus, plopped out of my nose into the sink. In a brief moment of overwhelming curiosity, I became quiet and studied the object. Had the stitches dissolved, which they were doing rapidly, I would not have been able to remove the bug myself. You 73

Invitation to the Self would not believe how grateful I felt at that moment, as I looked down at the device and then at my disheveled reflection and burst into tears once again. As though it wouldn’t be bad enough to experience strange and terrifying visitations from people of other worlds, I was now subject to an intense scrutiny by what appeared to be U.S. military. This wouldn’t be so difficult if I felt they were on my side…you know, the government protecting me from aliens. Quite the contrary, I felt even more afraid of the government visitations than those of the star people. I have never been able to come up with an alternative word for the term “government” during these odd visits. It has been the best way for me to describe these people, all the years of my experience. There have been different branches of the military represented, and possibly some type of secret groups within the government. These were clearly not alien visitors, their actions were human in nature; star people do not normally do sloppy work. They focus on a predetermined task and complete it. So why did they want to keep track of me? Good question. On my birthday that year, another metal object was implanted inside my nose during the course of the night. This is the way I remember it: I was standing in an empty, dark area, staring at two rooms that were situated side by side. They were identical in size and shape. What made them differ from each other was the right-side room being filled with “aliens,” and the left-side room being filled with beautiful flowers. The aliens laughed at me and asked if I would stay with them. What was truly strange to me was that the aliens were all identical, standing in single file, and their movements were precisely 74

Implants mirrored by one another. It was like I was actually looking at one alien in a fun house mirror. He was almost transparent, quite like a projected image. At the time, I had nothing but bad feelings and did not try to piece anything together. I just wanted to get away. In the morning, the right side of my nose hurt terribly. It felt like something was lodged in there, but it hurt so badly that I could not touch it. I could barely move my face without having shooting pains run into my right eye and sinuses. For some reason, I did not go to the doctor; perhaps because I’d never really gotten results from a doctor after visitation before. Instead, I told my parents that aliens had abducted me and shoved something up my nose…. The pain was excruciating for two days, and then I was able to stick my finger in there and feel around. There was a small, pin-like metal object about one-half inch in length just on the inside of the skin. It was easy to reach, not far up inside my right nostril. I kept feeling it everyday, as it slowly turned and worked its way toward the tip of my nose, and then I lost track of it. When I told my parents about my experience, they just kind of looked at me. I know they were attempting to understand, to put some kind of meaningful, rational explanation into the picture, but they couldn’t. They just did not know what to say about it. Then about two weeks later, they watched a television show about two men who were abducted by aliens and had their noses implanted with “bugs.” Then my parents had a visual to go by. Soon after, I came to the realization that there were no star people involved in that particular procedure at all. It occurred to me that no matter how many encounters I’ve had with the star people, they have never mirrored each other’s actions, and they have never stood there 75

Invitation to the Self laughing at me – why would they? Sure, they might tell a few good jokes now and then, but they’re always too busy completing some procedure to just stand around and laugh. Even in the experiences I’ve had with negative, mean star people, they had better things to do than spend precious time taunting me. There is also the fact that similar events transpired during future government visitations - they like to use holographic images. This is apparently a technique used to distract people and lead them to believe that the star people are responsible for these events transpiring, not the government. Well, after seeing the holographic images a few times, I caught on. Unfortunately, I was not the only person in my family, besides my parents, who was dealing with the issue. One morning when I got out of bed, I felt a pain in my forearm. I checked it out and found a pinlike metal object about one-half inch long just under my skin. This was very familiar, and my first thought was of another bug from the government people, although I had no memory of it from the night before. The next evening, my little sister came to see me. We both already knew that we were having similar experiences, but this time I was very surprised to discover that she had the same type of object in her arm that I had in mine. We compared lumps. The swelling and redness around mine had already gone down considerably, but hers was really swollen. When she pushed on one end of the pin-like object, the other end would pop up just underneath the skin on her arm. It was truly disgusting, and this angered me – I could deal with my own situation, but knowing that it was happening to my kid sister hurt me beyond what I can describe. She proceeded to tell me that she had dreamt

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Implants about a “mean government man” coming into the house. He chased both of us and did something “bad” to her arm. Well, she was at the point of cutting the thing out. I had thought the same about my implant, but decided not to chance hurting myself further, and I definitely wasn’t going to slice her arm open. You may be asking yourself, “Why didn’t they just go to the doctor?” You have to understand that it would be difficult for us to explain what had happened to our arms. Even if we did know for sure, explaining it to the local family practitioner would be quite a task, and neither of us wanted to be considered mentally unstable. Even talking to our parents would be hard; I had done it myself, but they did not know about my little sister’s experiences. I’m sure that hearing about it from me made them feel bewildered and helpless enough. What we did instead was to take the problem into our own hands, literally. Using our hands to gather subtle energy, we directed large amounts of it into the bugs, overloading them and causing them to short-circuit. If we had to have little pieces of junk in our arms, at least they would be no good to whoever put them there. How did I learn to do this? Well, I’ll tell you. It wasn’t instant knowledge popping into my mind. At the same time I was going through visitations, the star people were teaching me what you might call “psychic skills,” which did involve energy manipulation. I knew the implants were energy based, and it didn’t take long to figure out that anything running off energy could be overloaded and broken. I will talk more about this in a later chapter. One suspicious incident took place over a weeklong period, ending with what may have been an implant. It all began with a vivid dream. My eyes opened sleepily as I heard repetitive knocks on my front door. 77

Invitation to the Self It sounded like someone was anxious to get in. Perhaps, I thought, it was an emergency. I ran to the door and quickly pulled it open. I saw a strange man standing there. Oddly, as though I would not notice, he kept changing his appearance. He took on the form of my very first boyfriend. I squinted my eyes to try to gain a better focus, noticing that the head didn’t quite match the body, as he slipped into the form of another boyfriend. I suppose he was trying to see which one I liked best, but I did not favor any of them. He just kept blinking into new bodies. I was a bit bewildered by that, and he managed to walk right into the house. Then I saw a bright flash and heard a loud noise before I woke up startled. Four nights later, I saw the same man in the house again. He seemed to be here and there throughout many dreams that week, and a few of those incidents were close to waking reality. On the seventh day, I woke to a strong burning, itching sensation in my left arm, near the elbow. Of course, my first instinct was to analyze the situation. Looking at the clock in my room, I recorded a pulsing sensation every six seconds. The burning was so strong it made me jump and almost cry. I tried to scratch the spot, but it was so far underneath the skin that I could not reach it. I got up and walked across the room to the clock and the pulsing sensation stopped. I lay back down on the bed again, and the sensation returned, this time every 17 seconds. I have no idea what made the change occur. It didn’t make any sense, but nonetheless, that is what happened, whether it made sense or not. I suspected a possible implant, so Bryan helped me right away with energy manipulation. He held his hand over the burning area and pushed energy into it. The spot suddenly became very cool and had no 78

Implants more burning pulsations. During the following night, I felt a few very weak impulses, but then it stopped forever. Of course, I had no memory of receiving an implant, but it never hurts to try. Whatever it was, the added energy stopped it from throbbing. Unfortunately, implants got to be horribly normal and regular. Why did they follow me, relentlessly persisting on tagging various body parts? I do not have the answer. One night, a government psychic chased me from one scene to another. I was quick, having learned many tricks of evasion and ways to hide. He followed me through neighborhoods, countrysides, and even different dream states – and that is saying something; the skill of deftly tracking a soul from one state of consciousness to another is rare indeed. I had him on a wild goose chase, but, surprisingly, he managed to keep up with me. I wasn’t ready for this new maneuver, and by the end of the night, I was completely exhausted. I had used all my energy trying to avoid confrontation, and he had used all his energy trying to catch me. I ended up in my grandmother’s backyard near the water. For a moment, I thought I had actually lost him. I slumped over in exhaustion, not caring anymore, because I didn’t have anything left in me. Then he appeared. He arrived in a helicopter. I could see, as he stepped from the craft, that he was exhausted as well. He almost lost his balance, wearily trudging toward me, holding a silver gun down by his side. I was startled by the sight, and sat upright, debating whether I would keep running or not. He saw the urgent look in my eyes and bent his head to the side with an imploring glare, silently begging me to not run. I decided to give in. He gratefully and slowly made his way toward me. I sat and waited for him. He reached me, leaned over and consolingly 79

Invitation to the Self said, “Okay Bonnie, just hold still now. This will be quick.” He gently pressed the gun tip into my right ear and pulled the trigger. I did not feel any pain. I knew he had just inserted an implant. I learned that some of the implants run off the body's own electrical system. Most are small, metallic-like objects that act as radio transmitters or "bugs." Just as many contactees have said before, it makes one feel like an animal being tagged by scientists for research purposes. Some of the implants, however, are much more complex. It is not an easy idea to discuss, but some of the implants seem to be organic; alive. They exist separately from the body’s own energy. I get this information from my own experience and from energy healers that have worked with abductees, removing implants. My husband is one of those people. I sat down with Bryan and we talked in-depth about his experience. He believes there are different types of implants, and for simplicity, he places them in two major categories: government implants and star people implants. According to his research, the government bugs are more technological, yet less sophisticated than those of the star people. “The government implants have been recognized as mechanical devices. The implants of the star people, however, are organic in nature, appearing to be more like fatty cysts when removed.” He went on to say that the star people implants resemble insects when in place, with outstretched “legs.” The majority of implants Bryan has encountered have been government made. They are mechanical devices that are easily overloaded with energy and short-circuited. These are the implants that run off the body’s energy. The star people implants, which seem to be organic, have their own energy fields. How they exist in the 80

Implants body, he does not know, but imagines that a parasitic situation takes place, with the living implant absorbing needed nutrients from the human body. How do you get rid of an implant? If it is a government implant, you can push subtle energy into the spot until the implant shortcircuits. As Bryan says, “An electrical device can only sustain so much energy running through it.” The star people implants need to be dealt with in a different fashion. Since the implant has its own energy field, you have to disrupt that barrier and break it apart. Once they cease functioning, both types of implants can be absorbed into the body. When asked what type of material the government implants are made of, he replied, “Even though the government implants are mechanical devices, they do not appear to be made of pure metal. The body is able to absorb them. Either that, or the body will reject them and push them out through the skin. It is also possible that a cushion somewhat like a cyst will form around the area.” He went on to say that the body treats the implants from the star people as part of itself. “Most doctors would view these implants as cancerous cells.” Understand that when Bryan does this type of procedure, he is working with energy fields within and around the body. When he “sees” an implant, he is seeing the form that the object takes energetically, not physically. Although the implant IS physically present, he works with it on a different level, which enables him to destroy it more effectively, with no injury to the abductee/contactee. If you believe you have an implant, first try to find an experienced “energy healing practitioner”; someone who works with techniques such as Healing Touch, Reiki, or Qigong. This person needs to understand the subtle energy fields of the body and how this energy 81

Invitation to the Self works. If you cannot find that kind of help, you can manipulate the implant with your own energy or with help from a friend. Try to practice using energy by moving it up and down your arm. Just hold your arm out in front of you and imagine the energy flowing from your elbow to your fingertips and back. Continue moving the flow of energy back and forth until you can really feel it. Then take that energy and bring it all into the palm of your hand. Imagine a ball of energy forming, particularly a ball of white light. You also need to visualize where the implant is. Let’s suppose it is in your leg. Examine your leg and try to see the energy of the implant. There should be a slight distinction between the normal energy of your leg and that of the implant. If you cannot see it, just try to feel it there, and focus on it. Now you can take that ball of energy in your hand and send it into the implant area. Put your hand over your leg and direct all the gathered energy into that one small spot. Keep doing this over and over. If you have a friend to help, it won’t take as long. If not, keep repeating the direction of energy into that spot. Visualize the implant getting hotter and hotter, and the light of its energy getting brighter. See it “explode” or burst open and then suddenly grow dark. That is how you “kill” it. This really works. I don’t know anyone who feels comfortable about having an implant in his or her body. No matter what type of energy it has, I certainly don’t like to think about a foreign object living in my body. If I suspect that I have an implant, Bryan and I use focused energy to overload it. This does not take it out from under the skin, but it at least causes the implant to become inoperative. There may be some of you who wonder if the implants are always bad things. Some contactees may feel that the implants from star 82

Implants people are a way for their friends to find them, anytime, anywhere. Well, it really is a personal decision. At times, I have felt that perhaps my star friends needed the implant there for this reason, but then after thinking good and hard about that concept, I decided otherwise. I certainly didn’t have any implants when they first contacted me at age four…at least, I don’t think I did. I believe that if someone wants to see me bad enough, they will find a way. I don’t need to have a foreign object taking up residence under my skin. Like I said, it’s a personal preference. We all have different perspectives on life. You should hold to your own and be true to yourself.

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Training Part One testing

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Invitation to the Self Hybrids, operations, and implants were not the sole activities of visitation. In between egg extractions and scary episodes of poking and prodding, there began a teaching. I cannot explain the “why” of any of it, but I can tell you what happened. When I began to consciously recall visitation experiences around age 20, most events dealt with some type of biological manipulation. Slowly, a new experience came into play – one of psychic teaching and testing. It involved using senses outside the normal range of our regular five and functioning in environments not found on the physical plane of existence. Since the star people have been working with me, I have become more empathic toward others. I am open to other people’s feelings, meaning that if someone near me feels sad, I will feel their sadness. If a person is angry or upset or anxious or nervous, I can feel it. The best part of being an empath is feeling the glowing energy of happiness flow from an individual who is nearby or, better yet, being part of a whole group of people who feel happiness. That type of situation creates a wonderful, life-giving, supportive energy that we all thrive for. The star people also wanted me to learn more about the Earth, so I regularly joined them on short excursions around the planet. The usual routine was: boarding a craft, walking into a dark, quiet room accompanied by a star person, and lying on a table or sitting in a chair to get comfortable. In front of me was a large screen that may have been a window. Sometimes I put on headphones to hear descriptions of what I viewed on the screen, and sometimes a star person stood next to me and spoke. Either way, I was learning about the Earth as we flew over the mountains or seas or wherever. I spent many sessions

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Testing doing this; they apparently knew a great deal about the Earth itself and wanted me to learn these things as well. If I did not understand what I was seeing on the screen, I would ask the star person standing near me to explain, and he or she would do so. It was usually the young male whom I had come to know during these classes. He ran the equipment and helped me make any adjustments I needed. He was like an apprentice or teaching assistant, learning as we went along, so I felt at ease with him, knowing we were learning together. He stood around 5-foot-2, and his slim, white figure was clothed in cotton-looking shades of blue. He wore a matching vest that I thought was so cute. His features were quite human in nature, although his skin was a bit pale, his eyes were a bit larger and blacker, and he had no hair. This became so routine that one day I said to him, “Hey, I know what – let’s switch today! I’ll run the equipment and you lay on the table. It’ll be fun!” He hesitated momentarily, eyes downcast toward the floor, clearly weighing in his mind what consequences he might face, and then slowly looked up at me and replied, “…okay.” Trustingly, he hopped onto the table and lay back just as I had done so many times before. Like a kid set loose in a candy store, I excitedly ran to retrieve the headphones, tripping over my own feet. My hands went flying out in front to stop my fall and, in one befuddled movement, hit the counter, catching the headphones and myself. Not even waiting to regain my composure, I sped back to my willing, timid friend and helped him adjust the apparatus to his head. “Okay, get ready!” I said, as I moved to the controls and, not wanting to spend too much time figuring it out and seem like I didn’t know what I was doing, briefly examined the equipment. Needless to say, I was being impatient. 87

Invitation to the Self My ignorance was quickly revealed as sound blared from the headphones, causing the star person to jump up and swiftly remove the offending gear. “Ohhh,” he moaned, “maybe we shouldn’t do this.” I agreed completely and quietly took my place on the table. The teachings consisted of a wide variety of topics. To name a few: geography of the Earth, people and cultures of the Earth, government documents about extraterrestrials labeled “Top Secret,” different types of star people, their pets, agriculture, mating rituals, the design of countless UFOs, mental telepathy, telekinesis, moving through various energy bodies, absorbing and pushing out energy, sensing the presence of spirits and other entities, and aspects of energy manipulation. I learned how to manipulate energy in alternate states of consciousness. This became necessary if I were to spend any amount of time in those other places. Just to be able to move about and function freely required a new set of skills – I was not in the material world that I was used to. There were new rules that had to be mastered. Even though many of the teachings were apparently planned out ahead of time, I also learned quite a few things on my own. This happened just by observing and copying, something we all do from the beginnings of our lives. Along the way, I saw and learned amazing things, some about myself, that were not always things I wanted to know. One evening I was standing alone in the woods. I had just become aware of being there and assumed that once again, I was in the alternate reality. It was quiet and still. I don’t even remember feeling a slight breeze, which made the scene pretty eerie. I looked around me, but all I could see were the black profiles of trees, and it was very dark so my vision was impaired. Soon I noticed a faint glowing through the 88

Testing trees, which seemed to be at ground level. I walked steadily toward the light, keeping my eyes and ears open for any movement. It was a yellowish color that became clearer to me as I approached. I soon realized the glow was in the shape of a pyramid. As I got closer, I saw another glow; this one was a light blue color. I entered a small clearing and saw numerous glowing pyramids of different colors. They were beautiful but supernatural looking, floating out there in the middle of the woods. The pyramid shapes were probably only 3-foot tall, hovering just above the ground. It was a magical feeling to be among the glowing shapes in the night. I wondered how they could have gotten there and, as the thought came to my mind, a thin, light-colored star person appeared in the clearing next to me. He escorted me to a small “house,” which happened to be in the woods not far from where I had been standing with the glowing shapes. Inside the house were other star people who asked me to hold my arms out, so I did. They performed a few tests on my skin, which I do not recall in great detail. When they had finished, I had a look for myself. My hands and forearms had become red and swollen. There were many, many scars that appeared as my veins swelled and I got a bad feeling in my stomach. Pyramids and other geometric shaped scars began to appear all over my body. The test was to show which star people had been in contact with me. Apparently, they each left their own kind of mark, and every scar I had showed up during this test. I was positively horrified. They said that one star person in particular had left a “trace” on me three or more times, and something about a “sliver.” I walked back through the woods to the pyramids where I was supposed to wait for someone, but I do not remember anything beyond that. 89

Invitation to the Self I felt sick the next morning. Perhaps it was the idea that my entire body had been manipulated and scarred that made me ill. Think so? There were no visible scars on me in the morning, which was a good thing. I was beginning to get the idea that I had been in the presence of quite a few star people, and from the looks of it, it had been longer than just a few years. I knew I had been visited since I was a young child, but I never imagined they had been hurting me like that. Would they cut and operate on small children? Did they take skin samples and do testing on little kids? It was apparent to me at that point that they did. Testing was such a favorite thing for the star people to do. I was either being poked and prodded or placed in some maze to find my way out. Why oh why did they need to know what I was capable of? On one occasion, I was lost inside a “strange castle” (which was my label for it). The structure had very tall ceilings and was filled with sparkling lights, which I think I associated with precious gems something you see in every castle, right? Inside this place was a maze; a labyrinth in which test subjects were to fumble around aimlessly. Well, they placed me in the maze, of course. The star people told me that if I passed the test I could “have the castle.” As it turned out, I did great. They all sat around the sidelines watching me, and I made my way out fairly quickly. What I want to know is when I’m going to get my castle…. Among the many lessons, I was taught about various types of UFOs and some of their passengers. I was also shown other planets, some in our solar system and some elsewhere. On numerous occasions, I was taken to a “top secret” class where I learned about star people, their ways of life, language and writing. And during one 90

Testing visitation, I went on a tour of their living quarters. I got the impression it was on another planet, but I’m not sure; it may have been on a very large ship. A very friendly and hospitable star person handed me an old, thick book that told about life where some of them lived. On the tour, I even saw a bed that had a headboard made out of seashells. He seemed to be proud of that one, as though he’d made it himself. It was interesting to me because the shells looked like the ones we have on Earth. I wondered if he had picked them up during a visit, like souvenirs. As I was standing there, admiring the headboard, three more star people entered the room. They were interested in showing me other, smaller objects and, then, the infamous “chocolate shake.” My family and I joke about this incident of which I have told them repeatedly. I presume these star people had, at some time, tasted a chocolate milkshake and wanted to copy the recipe…well, their version of the drink was pretty horrible. There was definitely something resembling chocolate in it, but no sugar. To me, it tasted like lumps of dry cocoa floating in tepid water. They were thrilled to have me there to test it out. I took a gulp, held my breath and swallowed, knowing very well from the appearance and smell that it was not up to par with the chocolate milkshakes my dad makes. I held back the grimace that wanted to surface and instead smiled and pretended that I liked it. The star people happily looked to each other in acknowledgement. One even gave a little jump in excitement. They were so pleased with themselves. On another occasion, I was taken to a remote part of some planet. I was standing inside an elevated glass “booth,” that could very well have been a ship, with a star person, looking out across the dry and 91

Invitation to the Self dusty landscape. I could see scattered rocks, but nothing more than that and dirt. Everything had a pinkish tint, the ground and the sky too. I didn’t know where we were. I had the impression it may have been Mars, although we could see a smaller planet in the distance, which was supposed to be Mars itself. So, not all of the so-called learning experiences were understandable to me. The best I could do under such circumstances was to take in the information and store it subconsciously. On many occasions, I did my own investigative work, sometimes with the aid of the star people. They wanted me to learn as much as possible – that much was clear. This time, they even gave me my own video camera to catch UFO footage. I was standing in my backyard, letting the camera hang down by my side, watching two lights floating far above me in the night sky. I waved my open hand to them, motioning them to come down. That must have been the signal they were waiting for, because they came down and brought friends with them. So many UFOs flew over that I couldn’t focus on them all. They intentionally crossed over my yard so I could get a look at them, but it was overwhelming. The different sizes, shapes, and colors were great. I’m not sure how they expected me to take all the data in, because it happened so very fast. I was so dumbstruck by the enormity of the event, I did not remember to use the camera I held in my hands until many UFOs had already passed by. Finally, I came to my senses and turned the thing on. As I watched the sky through the camera, an absolutely gorgeous UFO came into view. This craft reminded me of the colorful artwork created by many Native American peoples. It made me think of beadwork and also of 92

Testing Navajo sand paintings. There was a rainbow of colors covering this ship. Long “tentacles” hung from the bottom of the craft, as though it were a jellyfish. It landed in the field near me, and I was allowed aboard to videotape the inside of the ship. Unfortunately, all I consciously recall of that part is descending, watching the ground come closer to me, and exiting the craft along with four human children and my camera. I was told that these children were special and had been taken aboard the craft because one day they would be “president’s aides.” Three more ships, which were almost identical but smaller, hovered in the sky above the larger one that had landed. They seemed to be waiting. I watched in awe as the children walked around my back yard. The beautiful jellyfish ship took off, and my memory becomes blank. That experience has been one of the more memorable, beautiful times with the star people. I felt privileged to be allowed to witness the beauty and serenity of the colorful rainbow craft. I have wondered if that ship was actually connected with the “Indian” people that have helped me on occasion. I hold Native American Indians as well as the alternate reality Indians in high regard. I participated in a number of group learning activities with other humans. At times, we sat around a teacher of extraterrestrial origin, intently listening to lecture and taking notes. Our level of awareness was enough to focus on the teacher, but not enough to turn to each other and converse. The star people were quite interested in testing our psychic abilities. During one event, they passed around a flat, plastic-like pad formed in a diamond shape. This could easily be held in one hand. It had sections on it that lit up and made musical tones when touched. The test was to push the correct sections and make a 93

Invitation to the Self song. Everyone tried it as the star people looked on. The stronger your psychic abilities were, the louder it sounded. I’m not sure how well I did, but I was able to play a little song and the sound was louder than anyone else’s. That seemed to be good enough for the testers. During the human group activities, I believe that since we were all in an altered state of consciousness we did not speak amongst ourselves, but listened to and focused on the directions given by the star people. During a visitation experience one evening, I saw two extremely large mother ships let out 10 “baby ships” each. The large ships were light colored and the smaller ones black. These all came down near my yard and several star people emerged. We were having a conversation, but I kept forgetting what we were talking about, possibly because I was having trouble keeping focus in the altered state of consciousness. They gave me a sheet of paper and a writing implement so I could write down what they said. At one point I looked around and realized there were more humans present, and they were also writing. I had written something about medicine and also this: “It is not the actions in your past that make up who you are, but the actions you take now that make up who you shall be that really matter.” The unfortunate part about experiencing time with the star people in another state of consciousness is that it is difficult to recall many details. I have been given much information over the years, but only bits and pieces come to the surface, and that could be years apart. It takes patience to put the puzzle together. They did want me to remember certain things, obviously, if they had to give me paper to write it down or a video camera to record the information. I was so happy when they did that; I figured I could bring the paper home with 94

Testing me and read it in the morning…but then when I woke up, it would be gone. It was so disappointing, and I wondered why they even bothered with that. One entire week, I experienced a brand new type of visitation. Yep, the whole week. It all started out early one morning when I was feeling restless and couldn’t sleep well. I got up around 5 a.m. and went to the bathroom. When I returned to my room and climbed into bed, I tried to get comfortable facing the wall, with my back to the open room. This did not prove to be helpful. I distinctly felt an unusual presence. I was accustomed to knowing when spirits were nearby, and that was normal to me. This, however, made me very nervous. I felt as though someone were observing me from the far corner of the room – and that someone had an odd energy pattern. I tried to ignore it, wanting to believe I was just making it all up in my head. Once again, I attempted to relax and clear my mind so I could go back to sleep. The strong feeling of being watched came back to me, and I could not ignore it. I turned to look across the open room, but saw nothing. My youngest daughter was sleeping with me that evening, and I checked to make sure she was all right and sleeping soundly. Quite suddenly, an impression came into my mind. I envisioned a very tall, skinny star person standing in the center of the room. He had large, slanted, black eyes and a long, thin face. His skin had a dark tone to it, possibly some grey. He was unusual looking to me; nothing like the others I had seen. I felt him watching me like a hole was being drilled into my back. I turned around and looked, just so he would know that I knew he was there. I didn’t want him to think I was scared of him – but I was. 95

Invitation to the Self Again, I tried to forget him and go to sleep, but I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I felt him moving closer. I could imagine him now, standing right behind me, staring at me. At the same time I felt bothered and irritated by this situation, I also felt fear. Suddenly, my daughter burst into tears. That was it! I spun around quickly, so as to startle and scare him away, but I saw no one. I held my daughter to comfort her, kissed her, and told her that everything would be all right. She said “okay,” stopped crying, and went back to sleep. I was getting very frustrated. This thing would not give up. It was still in the room, although it had backed off and was no longer near the bed. The only way I would possibly be able to sleep would be to turn and face the menace. So I did. I rolled onto my opposite side to face the open room. Upon confronting the invisible tormentor, and giving a few warning glances in his general direction, I felt more relaxed. Within a few minutes, I had gone into the alternate reality. It was night and I was standing at the edge of the ocean, the incoming waves almost close enough to lap at my feet. A small white light flew down to me from the sky, waiting for me to hold my hand out for it. Initially, I was glad to see the shining object and was going to touch it, as I would normally have done, but then stopped myself. “No, it’s that alien!” I was mad at him for being in my room, staring at me and giving me so much trouble. I was not going to let myself give in and be nice to him after that, so I made myself wake up, quite forcefully. I found myself lying in the bed, my body all tingly and unable to move. I swiftly lost waking consciousness. Still feeling that prickly, almost needle-like sensation, I knew this had something to do with the intruder. Even though I had not yet entered any type of scene, and I was shrouded in darkness, I quickly 96

Testing recognized that feeling. Since I was still angry with him, I woke myself yet again. I stayed awake until the tingles were completely gone. Then I let myself sleep, as I was very tired and knew I couldn’t stay up any longer. The next thing I knew, I was riding in a truck with my mother. I sat in the passenger’s seat as she drove down the main street of our town. A small white light drifted down from the sky to the truck. I pulled myself up and halfway out the open window. The light brought balloons and pretty clothes for me. I knew the stranger was desperately trying to be nice, so I grabbed the items and woke up. It reminded me of what used to occur when I was just a toddler, reaching for toys and candies in the darkness above my bed. Always luring me…. The next night, this star person was still in my room. In fact, he had followed me throughout the day, wherever I went! Talk about freaky. He followed me around for an entire week, night and day. I just could not get rid of him. I felt him there every night, though he did not bother me again like the first night. He did not approach my daughter or me; he just stood and observed from a distance. I started to get used to him and almost forgot he was there. After a week had passed, I was not afraid of him anymore. I sat up in my bed and I told him just that. He gave me a big smile and disappeared, and I never saw him again. One of the biggest lessons I learned from the star people was to face my fear, release it, and control it. There were many, many lessons on this subject and they tested me to the extreme. They put me in situations where I was scared to the point of almost breaking down. I had no choice but to find my own way out. They created scenarios in which I fought psychic attackers, people chasing me with guns, even 97

Invitation to the Self aliens coming after me. I eventually became used to their false backdrops and fake lighting in the test scenarios. It sounds strange, doesn’t it? But it’s no stranger than anything else that went on. They wanted me to be prepared for anything. The testing with the golden sphere was an extraordinary event. This was a ball of gold that made a fine humming vibration, allowing it to float in midair. It was being manipulated by a rambunctious group of miniature individuals that reminded me of a kid’s soccer team. The golden ball was a device they used often, and I assume they thought it would be fun to see what I could do with it. The ball was solid and about the size of a grapefruit, but when I threw it into the air, it floated there. It glowed as it emitted an intensely compacted energy. As the ball floated before me in mid-air, five humans entered the room in what appeared to be a trance-like state. Instinctively, it seemed, I clapped my hands together and the golden ball emitted waves of energy, sending ripples across the room as if a pebble had been tossed into a pond. The five people were lifted into the air by this energy, drifting into horizontal positions. Without warning, they began to spin – a spinning motion that caused them to become even more dazed than they had been. A memory was triggered in my mind and I then realized that this trick had been used on me many times before. It had, at times, been connected with the transitionary phase of traveling from the physical dimension to the alternate reality. The tiny, mischievous star people standing around me were getting a big kick out of this. Not happy at all with the results of this test, I grabbed the ball in discontent and dashed into another room. I looked back while I was running and saw the humans stop spinning and settle

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Testing back down to the floor. The star people ran after me to see what I would do next. Quickly forgetting about the people and everything else around me, I attempted to learn the other powers of the ball - I had just learned one of them on my own. I played around with the glowing sphere using my thoughts only. I decided to do this by trial and error, as long as there were no other humans present. Noticing a houseplant sitting on a counter, I focused my energy on it. Through the use of the golden ball, my concentrated energy was amplified. The plant began to grow. I watched the stem lengthen and leaves sprout on all sides. Becoming excited, my attention quickly turned to other objects in the room. I focused on a small radio that was sitting on the table, with the power turned off. With help from the ball, I focused my energy on the radio to turn on the power and then some music. I raised the volume and stopped for a moment just to take in the information. All this had been done with thought energy amplified by a sphere of gold. At that time, I released the golden ball and started flying around the house; the anxious star people were a little overbearing for me, so I wanted to get away from them. These star people were new to me, and reminded me of devilish children – I hadn’t met anyone as curious as me until now! I sat down on a couch to rest, with my back to a window. They had all run outside with the golden ball. I felt like I was babysitting a class of hyperactive elementary students…and I was definitely not in control! I listened as they played a raucous game of ball. The next thing I knew, they had broken through the window and glass shards flew into my back. They were laughing and having their fun, oblivious to the trouble they were causing. They said to me, 99

Invitation to the Self “Don’t worry, you won’t feel it,” when they saw the glass stuck into my back. However, even though I was not on the physical plane, I felt the density of the glass, which caused discomfort, but not pain. I ended up delicately pulling glass shards from my back with no help from them. I think the weirdest part of this experience was waking up. When I woke up in my bed, I had the feeling I was in the house I lived in when I was 11 years old. I felt excitement, as if school was out on a holiday, particularly Thanksgiving. I even smelled pumpkin pies baking downstairs. I realized I was not really there, but I enjoyed the memory while it lasted. There is a possibility that I had seen these star people before… perhaps a subconscious memory had tumbled around and reached the surface of my conscious mind when I woke, triggering the feeling and smells. I have to say that probably the strangest and most unexplainable experience during my testing was meeting the giant eyeball. Yes, an actual eyeball, about 10-foot wide. How ridiculous is that? For quite some time I really hadn’t a clue as to what the image meant, and now I have theories, but nothing concrete. It showed up now and then, quite unexpectedly, during visitations and even when I was on my own, flying through the astral plane. It did not appear to be directly associated with any star people, but had an agenda all its own. One night, a group of star people casually floated over to my bedroom window. It was curious, as they did not appear to have a ship or any other type of transportation. They just floated over from the neighbor’s yard. They were tall and dense, thick – not like the typical skinny star people. Their body shape and size indicated a need to float, as though walking might be too much of a hindrance. In that way, they 100

Testing seemed almost like sea mammals, which made me think of the blobby whale figure from my childhood. They also had sharp teeth and claws, which may seem intimidating to some, but what I felt from them was an outpouring of love. They approached the window and peered in, a little hesitant to make a move. I stared back at them in wonder, and my curiosity took over. I smiled and held my hand out in greeting as they pushed each other aside to be the one to grab hold. The largest and most fierce looking grabbed my hand with awe, his arm reaching right through the glass window – keep in mind that visitation is taking place on another plane of existence and physical laws do not apply. His sharp-nailed, rough looking hand felt surprisingly smooth, and it was clear that he made a special effort to be gentle. I got the impression they were not often met with such acceptance, and this was a wonderful experience for them. They were very happy, even elated to see me. I felt so much love coming from them and I thought to myself that their looks were deceiving; these were gentle beings. We were exchanging feelings of love and happiness, when quite abruptly, their gazes shot out towards the backyard, and I watched their peaceful smiles turn to expressions of terror. The being dropped my hand and they instantly fled. I jumped from my bed and ran out the backdoor to see what had happened to scare them away like that. Boy, was I surprised when I saw a giant eyeball staring at me from above the trees! This eyeball was not a spaceship. It did not appear to have any connection with the star people I had just seen. It stared down at me, and I stared back at it in defiance. How dare this menacing monstrosity scare away my new friends like that?! I could remember seeing this ridiculous image before…but where? How strange it was, almost like it was alive. I 101

Invitation to the Self picked up feelings of strength, like there was some kind of power behind that eye. I knew I had seen it before. We stared at each other like old enemies. I would see the eyeball again, sometimes chasing me, but it could never catch me. I also saw it during a frightening government visitation, which I will relate in a later chapter. I came to associate the eye with negative feelings. It seemed a formidable enemy, but not quite quick enough or smart enough to catch me. As I dealt with the new experiences of being chased or bothered by unwanted visitors, I was learning how to protect myself. The star people taught me about energy - how to use it for protection and for defense. As you may know, our bodies are controlled by an intricate electrical system; a subtle energy that sustains life. All forms of matter are created and controlled with energy. Without energy, there is no life. Another very important fact to remember is that energy does not die; it merely changes form. In the alternate reality, I have been able to manipulate energy in various forms, depending on what the situation called for. I previously gave an example of creating knives when I felt threatened. The idea is to be able to consciously focus your thoughts. In the case when I felt the need to defend myself and create a knife, I first concentrated on my hand. I looked down at my hand, and when it was in clear focus, I opened my fingers to reveal my open palm. Once I had my hand consciously locked in focus, I imagined a knife resting in the palm of my hand. I focused my thoughts on the formation of the knife, drawing energy from around me, pulling it into a new form. The same can be done for any object. I have also created flowers.

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Testing In order to create objects by reforming energy, I first had to learn about the movement of energy and how to control it. This can vary in different realities, but basically, I had to draw energy from around myself when I wanted to create an object. When I short-circuited the “bug” in my arm, I was pushing energy into it. When I overloaded that bug with energy, it became defunct. Just think of when we have a thunderstorm and your television is plugged into an electrical outlet. If lightning strikes and a sudden rush of energy enters your television, well, you may not have a television anymore. That is how I killed the bug – I hit it with an abrupt overdose of energy. I used energy manipulation in different ways. One of the most important was creating a barrier or force field of protective light around myself like armor. This is actually the first thing you should do when going into a situation you aren’t sure of. It is a basic foundation of psychic self-defense in the physical world and one of bodily protection on the other planes of existence. With all the activity going on, being in close contact with the star people and dealing with government visitation, I managed to draw yet more unwanted attention. At times, I encountered beings that were not friendly in the slightest. There were entities that merely wanted to draw energy from me, and then there were others who wanted information about my star friends. Since I was some sort of oddity, beings were drawn to me for various reasons, and I did attract these negative entities from time to time. On one occasion in particular, I was in the alternate reality walking down a dirt road when I spotted some non-human entities in the distance. There were some flying, some standing. As I got closer, I heard a deep, rumbling noise and felt it pass through the ground under my feet. The beings were emitting 103

Invitation to the Self deep sounding vibrations from their chests and throat areas. Then I saw humans lying on the dirt road, as this sound was making people keel over on the spot. They spotted me and quickly attacked, and I was not prepared. I tried to leap up and take flight, but they swiftly and easily grabbed my legs and pulled me down. I was not killed, but captured and taken to a “building” in the sky. They were interested in me, because I was the only human that had tried to fly away from them. They wanted to know what I was all about. I was very nervous, not so much about them, but about the guns they were waving around - the ones that shot yellow lasers. They had different types of weapons; some suited to kill humans, other life forms, and diverse species of star people. I knew the creation of these weapons had a great deal to do with varying energy vibrations or frequencies of different life forms. I feared for my life, as I also knew that being hit with one of those lasers would end it all. Since they took an interest in me and I was not to be killed immediately, I had the opportunity to worm my way out. I made my way back outside, and saw their ships floating nearby. They were small metallic discs that actually looked like they had smoke coming out the bottoms – very mechanical looking, unlike other ships I had seen. The beings sighted me and began to take chase. I ran away without looking back and found my house, quickly scrambling inside and running for the bedroom. However, the creatures were right behind me. The most conscious part of the event came now, as they began to shoot yellow lasers into the room. I was scared out of my wits, very aware, close to normal consciousness, dodging from lasers. Screaming uncontrollably, I tried to hide in the far corner of the room, covering my head and hoping for the best. I was able to wake myself once I 104

Testing found my concentration. As I woke, I could hear the lasers still shooting. They made a horrible, unearthly noise that shattered the quiet of my bedroom. I was terrified, lying there stiffly, all muscles tense as I woke. They had tried to kill me. I kept trying to tell myself, “It’s okay, that was just a nightmare. That doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over with.” I would tell myself that when I had an extremely difficult night, but I knew deep down that it had been an actual occurrence. I knew that, and I tried to stuff it into the back of my mind and cover it up with other thoughts. That worked for a while, but not forever. Those thoughts ended up coming back to haunt me. You know, you can only let bad things build up for so long in your mind and then you have to face them. There is no escape from yourself. Why were there strange beings trying to kill me? I did not know, but the star people were aware it. They intensified my training. I was thrown into constructed fights and psychic battles in which I was forced to find creative methods of defending myself. Fortunately, this was training. I was scared a lot of the time, but if it got to be way too much for me to handle, the star people would intervene and stop the lesson. At times I might be running all night, trying to escape from an attacker and just get worn out. When this happened, I would either be “captured” or the star people would gently take me out of the scene. In those training days, however, there was not a whole lot of that gentleness. I was given lectures on how fear controls people, and how it was a problem for me. They showed me things that would scare me, and I had no choice but to face them and deal with it; there was no way to avoid the situation. For a long time, there were spiders practically 105

Invitation to the Self everywhere I looked. It got to the point where the spiders were obviously rubber or plastic; they had never been a real threat to me, I had only perceived them that way. So when I saw that they were just toys, I laughed at them. After that, I did not see spiders anymore. I learned how to consciously control my fears. It isn’t always easy to completely get rid of a fear, but you can learn how to manage it, so it does not inhibit your thoughts or actions. One evening, going into the alternate reality, I found two men in the living room of my house. It seemed they had been watching me for a while, and when they saw that I was in the alternate reality with them, one of them rushed at me to attack. He crashed into me and I fell backwards, hitting the floor, feeling that my breath had been knocked out. I quickly realized that I did not need to breathe here. I simultaneously jumped up and created a dagger in my hand. His face became angry and he swung at me. I swiftly stabbed him in the abdomen. He disappeared. I ran out the front door and into my yard. I looked up and saw a familiar group of stars. Suddenly, they whooshed away, and I realized it had been another test. In the early days, it was not easy to tell what was an actual attack and what was just a lesson. After quite a lot of fighting, however, I was able to spot the fake settings instantly. The star people tried to make it look realistic, but they did not quite have the hang of creating sunlight and landscapes inside of UFOs. Of course, it did have something to do with what my perceptions were becoming. It took me a few years to be able to distinguish, and I was not about to be slack because I suspected it was just set up. All this nightly activity happening in expanded levels of consciousness really got my curiosity up. Being consciously aware in 106

Testing new and strange places has drawn me into some bad situations where I have wandered into places where I just wasn’t welcome. One night I went into the alternate reality and flew around until I noticed some human-looking life forms walking around a complex of buildings. The buildings were all connected like a big maze. I was curious. I thought it would be interesting to meet these other humans. Unfortunately, as soon as I landed, I realized they were not human at all. Their intelligence was greater than mine, which was very clear. Another thing that was all too clear was that they used humans like me as a food source. I immediately turned and flew off. They had seen me, but did not come after me, so I assume I did not seem threatening or worth the effort to go after. But of course, I couldn’t stop there. I circled back to the outer edge of the complex where I landed near the backside of a building. There was a window about six feet up. I jumped up and looked inside. There I saw a terrible sight – a girl, probably teenaged, human. She was huddled in the corner near the window. I anxiously burst through the window and climbed in the room to help her. She slowly looked up at me. She was extremely weak, but very happy to see that someone had come to rescue her. I tried to lift her, but she was so heavy…she could not pull herself up. Then I heard someone coming, so I reluctantly jumped out the window. One of the beings spotted me, so I took off running. Here is where I got scared and lost my concentration. Why didn’t I just fly away? Because I forgot I could. Why couldn’t I lift the girl and bring her out with me? I could have done it if only I had remembered there is no weight in this alternate reality; at least, there does not have to be. The mind can do amazing things. Whatever you believe to be true, can be. 107

Invitation to the Self Instead, having lost my concentration, I started to run away from a highly intelligent creature that would have liked to eat me for dinner. The maze of buildings was difficult to navigate. Luckily, being on the outside edge, I was able to work my way out to a wooded area. No matter where I went, the creature was right behind me. I could not outrun him. I was panting now, and the weakness in my leg muscles almost pulled me down. We were soon in a place outside the complex, a place that seemed to be wilderness. I began to see shadows of other creatures moving about, some of them rather large. I was desperately trying to think of what to do, when I realized the being was no longer behind me. I got the distinct impression he had turned into someone else’s dinner. I stopped running and woke up. I cried for so long. I cried all day. I felt so guilty about leaving that girl behind in the complex. For days, I could not stop thinking about her and the look on her face. I wanted to go back again, and I did try, but I could not find my way. I felt bad about myself. What good was all the training I was going through if I could not use it properly? What I did not know at the time was that I was wandering into random levels of reality, ones in which I had no business going to, simply because I did not know what I was doing. I ran into these types of situations way more than I wanted to. I also experienced more visitations from star people that were not interested in being my friends. One evening, I had a vivid dream in which I looked out my bedroom window and saw a red light in the distance, zigzagging across the sky. I climbed out the window and onto the roof. It was raining, and the roof was slippery. I was scared. I made it to the chimney and tried to hold on. People were standing below me

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Testing on the ground, trying to help me. They were shouting at me and throwing things onto the roof in an attempt to aid me. I woke up. Exactly two weeks later, I slipped into the alternate reality. I was outside on my roof, and it was raining, as it had been in the dream. The roof was slippery and I was scared. The situation was exactly as it had been previously, except this time a UFO hovered directly above me. It was dark and gloomy looking, with a few small white lights that encircled the midsection. The lights were spinning, but the rest of the craft sat stationary. At one point, I saw a flash of light and the UFO looked like a meteor, full of holes. I picked up a nauseating feeling of dread and hopelessness. The UFO observed me and then flew upward. At that time, the experience changed and I found myself hostage. I had been thrown into a large prison cell. I was confused and unable to focus clearly, wondering what I had done wrong and why I was in prison. I was lying on a “hospital bed” in this makeshift holding area that actually appeared to be some sort of study, with bookshelves lining one of the walls. There were two other humans in the room, also on beds. They looked as though they had been drugged and were very groggy. There were guards in the room who seemed to be star people, but I did not have a very clear focus on them. For a while, they just watched the door, but then they turned on us. They grabbed one of the other people and dragged him out of the room. They were very rough with him, and I felt that his future was grim. The guards returned shortly thereafter and went over to where the other human was lying. I could not believe the things they were doing to him. I realized they were hurting him on purpose... torturing him. This was not something I was used to seeing star people do. I was not aware at first, because I was groggy as well; nonetheless, I jumped up 109

Invitation to the Self to stop them. I was weak, but I made it over and fought with the guards. Their attention left the man and focused on me instead. I fought them off, not very well, but enough to make them leave the room for assistance. My energy was very low, and I knew I had to get out of there fast. I quickly managed to escape and find my way home. I wondered if the man left in the cell had been able to wake up as well. I felt so bad that I could not have done more to help him. Once again, I cried.

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Training Part Two the secret government

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Invitation to the Self With all the teachings going on, I became more interested in trying new things on my own. My inquiring nature was captivated with fresh ideas and possibilities entering my awareness. I wanted to explore and discover even more than what I was being taught by the star people, and I knew I had the means to do so. Whenever the opportunity arose, I would fly. My favorite thing to do was jump into the air and fly straight upward toward the night sky. I was so curious about what was out there in space. Actually, I was curious about everything. When I first started doing this, I would get so far up and then get yanked backward into my body. It was as if an invisible rope were tied around my body, preventing me from going beyond my limited range. I was not able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere. After numerous failed attempts, it occurred to me that I was out-of-body and my “silver cord” was pulling me back. If you have not heard, the silver cord is what connects the spirit body to the physical body. Every person has one. When you die, the silver cord breaks. Sometimes, when you have a very vivid dream, you are actually out-of-body; your spirit has left the shell of your physical manifestation for a short time while you are asleep. You can also leave your body while awake, but no matter when it happens, it can be a wonderful feeling, if you are aware enough of what is happening. When you realize you are more than your physical self and you become free of the boundaries of physical law, it can be a liberating experience. Apparently, I had some type of safety net installed in my system. With my curiosity getting me into so much trouble at night, I’m sure it was a good thing – that way, I couldn’t go too far before I was ready

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The Secret Government to. One night however, after many years, I managed to extend the boundary of how far my cord would let me go. That night, I entered a vivid dream state where I was in my backyard, just walking around and focusing on random objects. I would chose an object, such as a watering can, and focus my eyes on it solely. I was able to see great detail. I also noticed that my concentration stayed on the watering can until I consciously turned it away – quite unlike a normal dream, in which fleeting images may come and go. Then I let myself wander over to the clothesline. When I had it clearly in focus, I grabbed onto it and hung on. I brought my feet up from the ground and pulled my knees toward my chest, allowing my weight to hang from it completely. Obviously, I was in a reality where gravity was not an issue. I enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness, as I began to swing myself back and forth. At that point, quite suddenly, I came into full consciousness, and boy, was that a surprise! It was certain that I was no longer in my physical body, but regardless of that fact, I was fully aware of my thoughts and actions and the surrounding environment. I began swinging myself head over heels around the clothesline, slowly at first, then faster and faster. It was so thrilling and new, the laughter came spilling out in a nervous, yet excited fashion. I soon found myself leaving the ground and, finally, flinging myself upward, uncontrollably hurdling through the night air toward the open sky. This was truly exhilarating. I had never done anything quite like this, especially on my own. Shooting into the starry sky, I spun out of control, topsy-turvy and felt a twinge of panic begin to overtake me. With great effort, I curled up into a fetal position as I spun. I wrapped my arms around my knees to pull them in close. My head was tucked 113

Invitation to the Self in to my knees, and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly in fear. I began repeating to myself, “It’s okay, it’s okay,” which calmed me a little. I slowly opened my eyes. I could see from brief tumbling glimpses that the Earth was getting smaller; I was flying at an accelerated rate of speed through the upper levels of the atmosphere. I knew I had to take control of the situation. Slowly, with concentrated thoughts, I was able to stop the hurdling motion. However, I wasted no time in flying headfirst toward the heavens – this was my big chance! I did not look down anymore. I didn’t want to chance losing the experience. I knew I had left the Earth’s atmosphere and was heading into new territory. I was so happy. I had never made it this far on my own; in fact, I hadn’t even imagined making it this far. I opened my eyes as wide as they could go, attempting to take everything in. I couldn’t chance coming this far and missing something! I was still moving at an extremely fast speed. I saw streaks of light blurring past and assumed they were stars. I instinctively slowed myself as I advanced upon a humongous cloud shape. The image was absolutely breathtaking. I stopped to take in the awesome sight and ponder its existence. It appeared to be a line of cumulous clouds floating in deep space. I then remembered my friends speaking about this cloud formation before. They treated it as a landmark while journeying. I realized I had also seen it before. The term “Ocean Cloud” came to mind. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it resembled a huge rolling wave. I continued my flight toward the Ocean Cloud. Clusters of stars were streaking by me, but I was more interested in examining the cloud. Traveling at the tremendous speed I was, it did not take long to reach the cloud and, surprisingly, pass right through it. It was not as dense or thick as I had expected it to be. 114

The Secret Government I came out the backside and kept going. I could always go back to the Ocean Cloud – now was time to go forward as far as I could! I went further and further until I saw yet another cloud and flew through that as well. Then, suddenly, I was still. I was kneeling on a polished pebble surface. This was the ground…of what? I had left Earth long ago. I looked up and saw the skyline of a city. There was a dark orange glow behind the silhouettes of tall buildings. There seemed to be a bubble protecting the city, as the orange color took on a round shape that was enveloped by a dark purple extending and growing darker until the night turned black. My location was within the darkness, a good distance from the enclosed city. I could not believe my eyes. I was fully conscious, sitting on the ground of a strange new place, far, far from home. I kissed the ground and thanked God for bringing me here, wherever here was. I looked down and immediately saw two flashes of light in my mind. I was shown an image of two books. One was entitled Earth Life. Looking back down at the ground, I saw what appeared to be a set of comic books, but they were written like newspapers, containing the daily headlines of news stories. I frantically searched the papers for the name of this location, afraid this state of consciousness would slip away from me at any moment. The title of the newspaper read “JjAjR.” I flipped the paper over and looked at the back cover, which, at the bottom in small print, read, “as portrayed in Southern California.” I quickly turned my focus back to the city, examining the skyline again. I saw no stars in the dark part of the sky, and I thought that was odd. I felt as though I were inside a huge bubble; that the whole place was. With hot tears streaming down my face, trembling nervously, I 115

Invitation to the Self looked down at the paper I held in my hands. Wanting to save it, I attempted to stuff it into my back pocket. I was hoping that it might work, and I would have it when I got back to Earth, even though I knew that was a long shot. Suddenly, someone approached the area. I was still on my knees staring in awe. The being that approached – you’re going to love this one – looked like a “storm trooper” from the Star Wars story. It was wearing a white armor suit, and was speaking into a walkie-talkie type object. It said, “I am scanning the area.” Before I could even think about what to do, two others arrived in a flying car, just like I had seen in the Star Wars movies. It was too weird. Overcoming the initial shock, I noticed a low-lying spot nearby. I jumped heavily into this part, actually hoping to jump off the space cloud through which I came and out of this place. What happened instead was that my state of consciousness changed, and it turned into somewhat more of a vivid dream. I was under a dock area, near the water. A young boy came running under the dock, trying to escape someone. The next thing I knew, one of the beings in the white armor rushed under and killed the boy. Luckily for me, I was not completely conscious any longer. Otherwise, I really would have been in shock. I was very scared, however, and took a leap into the air to fly off as quickly as possible. A “white suit” yelled out at me, “Hey! We don’t need any astral travelers here!!!” I woke up and began to write. I looked for the paper I had put into my back pocket, but there was nothing, of course, and I was disappointed that I could not have brought back more evidence. After recording the experience, I went back to sleep and into this realistic experience: I was in a government building, sitting in a room 116

The Secret Government filled with what looked like airplane seats. A lady in uniform was sitting there with me. She had pen and paper for taking notes and remarked that she wanted to ask me “a few questions about the aliens.” She waited patiently for me to say something, but I did not speak. A voice called from another room, and she got up and left me sitting alone. I went over to where she had been, and I saw papers spread out on the desk. I was amazed by what I saw: "alien this" and "alien that," and The Guide Book to Alien Species. I thought it was crazy. I sat back down as she reentered the room. She wanted me to tell her about some of my dreams. I acted like I didn’t know what she was talking about – then she showed me! She had a copy of one of my dream records! In my own handwriting! I was disturbed by that, but did not want the lady to notice. With a calm expression, I told her that I did not remember that dream. So then she asked about my “most recent experience.” I replied with, “I have to go now,” and I got up and walked out. The growing visitation from the star people seemed to be drawing attention from different directions. Interesting and strange creatures came to observe me, seemingly just to get a look, and sometimes to take a skin sample and then leave, never to be seen again. I began to feel like a circus sideshow. Not all of the visitors were foreign either; the government people were also beginning to show more interest, and I began to understand what a “government psychic” was. On occasion, after experiencing a visitation, I found myself in various government installations being questioned. One evening, after witnessing a small UFO land in my yard, my mind quickly switched to an alternate state of consciousness where I was standing inside a very large building, made almost completely of windows. This seemed to be 117

Invitation to the Self an earthly building near the ocean. The room was filled with humans, mostly military personnel. For the most part, I was simply ignored, as everyone watched an unusual looking jet fly past the windows and crash into the ocean. I had never seen an aircraft like it before; at least not on Earth with a human piloting and all the American markings on it. I got the distinct impression the pilot wasn’t really sure how to fly it, but was testing it out. I had quickly grabbed a lifejacket and was heading outside to help rescue the crashed pilot, but he had been pulled out of the water already, and was being brought in the building. I kept watching jets fly past the large windows, and I saw another jet like the first one, but a human was not piloting. This jet also crashed into the ocean, and a being resembling a 3-foot tall humanoidtoad crawled out. He nimbly exited the water and entered the building, proceeding to lie down on the floor near the far wall. I went over to see, carefully kneeling beside him and looking at him from above. I could tell he was not from Earth and, trying to be friendly, I said to him, "I am friends with the star people,” and he smiled and replied, “I know, I can see it all around you.” His skin was a greenish-brown color, very rough looking. His eyes were like little slits. I got the impression he was a soldier. Almost immediately, I was in an Air Force building. This was a large office space with an arrangement of small rooms. I was sitting in a conference area with a big screen television and rows of seats, waiting for someone. I did not have a good feeling about the situation. A woman in uniform came into the room and said that she would like to speak to me before the others arrived. I had the feeling she was a psychologist, but unfortunately, this was not going to be a pleasant

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The Secret Government therapy session. I managed to talk my way out of the room and wake myself up. Whenever I ended up in rooms with people wearing government uniforms that wanted to question me, the outlook never seemed to be positive. They mostly wanted to ask questions about the star people and my experiences with them. They wanted to know everything I could tell them about the star people. Eventually, after they figured out that I was not going to talk to them voluntarily, they started sending trained psychics after me, to forcefully attempt to get the information they sought. Perhaps this is partly what my instruction with the star people had been for. It was not unusual to see black helicopters in the alternate reality and even during the day. One night during a vivid encounter, I walked out of the house and into the backyard to see three helicopters hovering in the sky above. Well, I was pretty surprised and stopped in my tracks. I lowered my head in thought for a moment. I glanced back up to see what they looked like. One was black and two were green Army helicopters. The black one had its side door fully open, and standing inside was a man wearing all black, pointing a rather large gun at me. I lowered my head in thought again. I decided to try and be nice to them, to see what would happen. I started walking forward, looked up and smiled, then waved at them. They hovered motionlessly, watching me, and no one waved back. “Hmmm…not very friendly, are they?” I addressed the man pointing the gun at me, “Hey you!” and promptly gave him “the finger” and proceeded to run across the yard. Two shots were fired at me as I picked up speed and raced toward my parents’ house, just across the field. I jumped onto the steps, flung the backdoor open, and 119

Invitation to the Self rushed into the house. I met my father in the kitchen and breathlessly blurted out, “Dad, I think the government people are here and they’re going to take me away.” He hesitated and then said, “Why? What did you do?” “Dad, I told you before…I have star friends.” He replied with, “So? What did you do wrong?” and I sadly answered, “I know things the government doesn’t want me to know.” From the kitchen, I could see a large green Army truck piled with soldiers pull into the driveway, and I woke up. At times, the situations were hard to handle and even got to the point of being thoroughly depressing. In this alternate reality event, the government people brought me out to a quiet, wooded area. An older man, in what appeared to be an Army uniform, held me by my left arm. At first, we stood on a hill and watched from a distance. The government had captured three star people who were putting up quite a struggle. A group of soldiers, all dressed in green uniforms, were dragging them along. A helicopter hovered above, and I heard the order to “take out the aliens” if they put up too much of a fight – they didn’t want to take a chance of them escaping. I watched in horror as commotion ensued and the helicopter opened fire on the star people and the soldiers dragging them. There was quite a ruckus of running and yelling. Five people ended up dead; three star people and two of the human soldiers. I stood there in shock with my mouth hanging open, not feeling enough energy to do anything. The high-ranking military official, who had me by the arm, then proceeded to guide me through the nearby woods. A small group of soldiers accompanied us. We approached an old farmhouse, and I saw people run inside as we advanced. My heart sank when I realized what was going on. There were people and animals living here, all mixed 120

The Secret Government breeds – hybrids. The military personnel knew this farmhouse was here, and I suspect it was a government operation; they were doing their own genetic experimentation. I felt sick to my stomach. The official wanted me to help him, by telling him how the hybrids felt and what they were thinking. I just wanted to throw-up. Almost like I had no control over it, I used my empathic skill to tell the man how the beings felt. They were very sad, in a way that I could not fully explain. They were trying to hide from us. They knew they were part of an experiment, and that their lives were no more meaningful than that. I woke up crying. Once again, I felt very bad about myself; this time, for aiding the government people. At that point, I knew the star people were teaching me new skills for a reason. It was not just protection or insight for myself, but for others as well. I wanted to share what I was learning. When I was dreaming about flying, or going out-of-body, I felt so happy and free that I started to teach other people how to fly in the alternate reality. I met so many people who did not know they could fly, and had never even thought of trying, it astounded me. I began teaching classrooms of people how to fly. Some were slower learners than others and, of course, I remembered that it had taken me many years of trying to achieve flight myself. Every now and then, the star people were with me, helping me with the teaching. Sometimes I just saw them standing outside a window of the classroom, smiling at me, and then at times, I was completely on my own. The fortunate thing for me was that even the government psychics did not know how to fly – at least the ones I had encountered so far. During quite a few conflicts, I evaded my attackers by taking to the air, flying up into the trees and even higher. The problem was keeping my 121

Invitation to the Self thoughts on flying and not focusing on the fear of being captured. If my concentration slipped, my flight would suffer; a lack of faith in myself or feelings of fear would cause me to slowly fall from the sky. By no means was my skill at avoiding the attackers perfected. Often, as I have already written, the government people would get the best of me and get their information or forcibly have me aid them in some way. Every time this happened, I thought about what I could have done in a better way. I ended up learning not just from the star people who were making an effort to train me, but also from the government psychics who were unknowingly teaching me how to defend myself against them. Shortly after the “government hybrid” incident, I had a mindboggling encounter with a powerful race of star people that had its own trained soldiers. I was standing with a group of other humans inside a military base on Earth. As we were apparently moving into conscious awareness outside a group of small buildings, some movement caught our attention. We looked up toward the night sky and saw defined, concentrated beams of light streak across. Red arrows of light moved silently and swiftly, halting in certain places, as though they were targeting. The group I was in watched helplessly as red, glowing outlines appeared around different types of military craft. Then we heard the explosions and witnessed many different types of land and air vehicles being blown to smithereens. The intensity was awesome, almost overwhelming. The star people, who were conducting this activity from above, now sent troops to the ground that began marching in our direction. They were evidently elite, well-trained soldiers that let nothing stand in their way. The group I was with decided to hide in a nearby bunker – 122

The Secret Government we scrambled inside quickly, concerned for our lives at that point. The soldiers stormed in and smashed everything, but did not harm us. In fact, they paid no attention to us at all, almost like we weren’t even there. I had never seen anything like these star people before. They looked very much alike, each about 5-foot-9, thin, and wearing loose fitting white garments, like desert clothing. Their heads and faces were covered by white cloth as well. I got the feeling that this race of beings may actually be raised just to be soldiers – perhaps another biological, genetic undertaking. They were extremely powerful, and it seemed to take no exertion on their part to come down and demolish everything in their path. I do not know why I was shown this; perhaps it was just to let me know what they were capable of. On occasion, I had encounters in which the government was capturing UFOs and, at times, I spoke with government personnel on the telephone. Most of the time, I was speaking with NASA employees. The conversations were usually brief, and began with someone questioning me about the star people. Somehow, it always got turned around, and the talk would end up with me asking them questions. There were always so many different connections between the star people and the government. I was so confused about what was going on. I just tried to write everything down, thinking that maybe I would be able to decipher it all later. The star people seemed to have their own questions. On one rare occasion, I would be witness to this. In the alternate reality, I was standing in an open field under the starry sky. Trees encircled the open space, giving me a secure feeling. I held a small, lap top computer in

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Invitation to the Self my hands, and directly in front of me was a large screen mounted into the ground. I met three men there, all of whom worked undercover for the CIA. I did not realize it right away, but standing next to me was a tall, yellowish star person who was guiding me. I took the men’s names and typed them into the computer. What came up on the large screen was their real names, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. After viewing all the information, the star person near me said that I had the choice to “keep” the men or “throw them away.” I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. I went by my gut instinct, looked over their information, and examined the men standing there. The two older men seemed to be very shady characters to me, so I got rid of them by pushing a button on the computer. Each time I did this, a white light streaked across the night sky, and a man disappeared. The third man, who was a bit younger, stood nervously in anticipation. His eyes were wide with fright and sweat was beading on his forehead. I had remembered speaking to him on the telephone before. He had been polite to me in the past, so I decided to keep him. He was allowed to leave the area. I was beginning to feel as though I were in the middle of a very sticky situation. It did not seem, however, that I had much choice in the matter. Wherever I ended up, I tried to use my best judgement and make the best decisions possible, depending on the circumstances. I was mixed up in something I did not understand, and no one was doing very much explaining. Meanwhile, it seemed I had created a bit of interest in the UFO/abduction phenomenon at the A.R.E. (Edgar Cayce Foundation). The editor of Venture Inward magazine contacted me about the letter I had sent to their pen pal section. Since their readers 124

The Secret Government appeared to be interested in the subject, I was asked to do an interview for an article to be published in the magazine. I gladly accepted. I met with two lovely ladies who conducted the interview at my house. It was wonderful to share my experiences, and I hoped the article would reach people who needed to see it. It was published in 1992, and would soon create enough interest for a UFO conference to be held at the A.R.E. headquarters in Virginia Beach. Though I felt much happiness with the publishing of the article, I was still dealing with frequent visitations and unwelcome, unprovoked attacks from the government psychics. The good part was that now I had a supportive husband and my parents were aware of the visitations, although not in-depth. More people were speaking out about alien abduction and UFOs, including former government employees. I sometimes wondered whether I was just losing my mind, or maybe my imagination was way too overactive, but these were thoughts that happened when I felt alone and different. I knew very well that my experiences had all been very real. I also knew that my analytical mind would not try to make sense out of these irrational events if there was nothing to it. Experiences revolving around government involvement continued in the alternate reality. There was an unexplainable connection between UFOs and the government. At the same time these people wanted information from me, they also seemed to have a lot of their own knowledge on the subject. The events were many, but none really giving me the answers I was looking for. It has been like putting together pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. One evening, I had a vivid dream that there were two clouds in the sky all day, in the same spot. Towards evening, I could see they were not 125

Invitation to the Self clouds, but spaceships. Another ship slowly flew over to join the others. It looked just like them, but this third one had NASA written on it, and a man was standing on top of it. On a number of occasions, the government had its own UFOs, which I assumed to be experimental projects. Sometimes, what appeared to be a UFO would turn into a helicopter being flown by government personnel – perhaps there was holographic imaging involved or psychic manipulation to achieve various images. The questioning continued as well, and I felt as though I were being interrogated and watched relentlessly. One night, a man with a video camera was asking me about the scars on my hands. Another man was with him, and he already seemed to know what they were from. He made some comment and the guy with the camera suddenly figured it out and said, “Oh! How many aliens have you seen at one time?!” I said that I did not really know, maybe 500, and the other man said that it was more like 3,000. My heart sank as I looked down at my hands and saw the scars and suddenly felt as though I’d been tortured. The government people were not subtle about anything. Their questions were direct and straight to the point, and they surely were not sensitive to anyone’s feelings. In one experience, I was in a courtroom, on the stand, and two government men were questioning me. I answered all their questions, and when it was finished, they thanked me and gave me a copy of the questions and answers. A few nights later, I had this traumatic experience: Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I glanced over toward the side of the bed and saw a man sitting there! I was scared senseless. I barely had enough energy to move my lips and whisper, “go away,” and then wake up. I was very tired, however, and fell back to sleep quickly. 126

The Secret Government After going into another state of consciousness, I sat up in the bed and looked out the window. I saw a man outside with a gun. I rolled out of bed and swiftly made my way into the dining room, hiding under the table. I knew that was a bad place to hide, but at least I was out of the bedroom. I also knew that the man with the gun was coming after me. I did not have time to run again. I heard him enter the house, as I struggled for an idea of how to save myself. He immediately found me and held the gun to my head. I quickly smiled and blurted out, “Hi, how are you?” With a puzzled and hesitant look he replied, “okay…I guess.” I started to talk about how nice the weather was, the sky being so clear, and that I could see all the stars. Instead of concentrating on his task, he focused on my face and my speaking. His gun disappeared. He sat down next to me, and even though I was not happy about sitting next to the guy who was going to blow my head off, I kept talking about anything and everything until I came to the topic of his occupation. So there I was, sitting under my dining room table with a killer. What a picture. He said that he was working for someone, an agency. I got a feeling that it wasn’t exactly the government, but there was a connection there. I thought about the giant eyeball image. He went on to say that the man who had appeared on my bed was called “Beethoven,” which was a code name. He began to talk about aliens. I cannot recall the entire conversation, but he helped by giving me a “trigger” that would aid me in remembering past visitations. I saw flashes of memories run across my mind; previous experiences that I had recalled only parts of or had not remembered at all. This took a lot of my energy, and I woke up.

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Invitation to the Self I was afraid to go back to sleep after that. I tried to keep myself awake, but I was just too worn out. Soon, I was once again leaving the waking world and slipping into another state of consciousness. Looking around myself, I soon discovered that I was in a well-lit room with three other humans. We each sat upon a “mode of transportation.” This seemed to be some type of experiment run by the government people, in fact, a few of them were standing around. The other three humans acted as though they had been drugged, and I didn’t feel too spiffy myself. One of the “modes of transportation” was a model of an airplane, one was a train, the third I forgot, and mine was something that I had never seen while awake. I had previously seen it while in the alternate reality, and I thought it was old and kind of primitive. I asked them if they had the newer model, which I had a word for, but the government people did not know what I was talking about. I sat on my model and waited for something to happen. It was shaped somewhat like a bench with metal sides and a midsection that lit up. When we four humans were sitting on our models, the lights on the ceiling above us shone down like spotlights. What I recall happening after that seems to be a screen memory. I was in my backyard with another person, and we were trying to escape from a swarm of stinging bees. I could still see the lights that were in the experiment room, shining on us. My legs were all bit up and throbbing from supposed bee stings. I kept saying, “It hurts, it hurts,” over and over again and eventually woke up. This encounter brings my thoughts back to the earlier experience of when I saw the triangular pulsing light, and my legs were forcibly drawn apart, sore and throbbing, also no “alien” presence on that occasion. 128

The Secret Government The intensity of the attacks was stepping up, and I was starting to get worn out from it all. I found myself struggling through many nights, running from attackers and trying to help others who were being provoked. It was beginning to be too much to handle. In one encounter, I was in a large house with my oldest daughter, who was about five years old at the time. We were standing at the far end of a long hallway, near a window. I did not know where we were and I was concerned. I began to look for a door so we could escape. I heard a loud noise, and it sounded like it was heading our way. It was a roaring type of sound, which sounded more and more like a train as it got closer. I became terrified and grabbed my daughter. I fell to the floor with her underneath me, to protect her. I then saw what appeared to be a train flying over the house. I ducked my head down, afraid we would be hit. My daughter jumped up and ran toward the opposite end of the hallway, darting into an open doorway. I got up to run after her, but the distance was getting longer and I was not making any headway. It took a lot of determination, but I finally made it to the end of the hallway and into the room. I saw my daughter walking toward some strange looking people. I called to her, but she did not come. The people smiled evil grins at me. I was scared out of my mind. It’s one thing for them to attack me, but quite another when it is one of my children. The scene changed and I was in another room in the large house. I saw a telephone and ran for it. I scrambled desperately, but the numbers would not work. I tried relentlessly to dial, but nothing functioned properly. Quite suddenly, I was standing on a sidewalk down the street from my house, and the phone cord had wrapped 129

Invitation to the Self itself around my neck. Oddly enough, a group of military personnel were hiding behind some parked cars, having a good laugh at my misfortune. They did not know I could see them. The cord wound itself tighter around my neck and I began to choke and gasp. The military people thought it was a riot. Somehow, I gathered up enough strength and concentration to rip the cord from my neck. I knew where I was, and knew the way home. I took off without stopping to look back. I feared for my life, as I was running and sobbing, tripping every now and then on the uneven sidewalk. The thought occurred to me to start flying, which I feebly attempted. I jumped into the air but was not doing well at all – I had lost my confidence. I was only a few feet off the ground and travelling very slowly. Grief stricken with thoughts of my daughter, I looked toward the stars. “Please…help me…take me home.” Instantly, a bright white light flew down to me. It gently held me and pulled me skyward, about 60 feet up. It turned me in the right direction and escorted me home. I woke up crying. My daughter was fine, in her bed. Why was I having so much trouble? Why would anyone want to purposely hurt me? All this to acquire information? My mind was filled with questions and very few possible answers. One evening as I drifted off to sleep, I felt myself leaving my physical body. This was a very freeing sensation, one I had felt before, but only on a few occasions. I absolutely loved the adventure of leaving the shell of my physical body and freely flying about. As usual, when feeling this unrestrained, I did what I love to do – go flying across the Earth, exploring, and having a wonderful time. I flew across fields of green, huge fields of wheat, and then prairies. I saw hills and lakes and forests, towns of different sizes, cows in pastures…I felt so much happiness. I was laughing heartily, 130

The Secret Government thoroughly enjoying the sensation of soaring through the sleeping countryside, exploring the wide-open spaces that I had never seen before. My curiosity always took me to new and exciting places, and this time was no exception. A building hidden within a thick forest attracted my attention. I flew down to the place, landing on the ground. No sooner had I landed than a group of people jumped out of the building. Startled, I turned to run, and more people emerged from the trees behind me. In all directions, government people were closing in on me. A couple of them had walkie-talkies and were speaking quietly into them. They told me to “hold still.” I had become quite afraid. I was panicking and had forgotten that I could fly. Some of the personnel began to walk slowly but deliberately toward me, surrounding me, anticipating my capture. I started to cry. In desperation, without even consciously knowing what I was doing, I raised both hands and my face to the sky and quietly whispered, “Help me.” A brilliant white flash lit the air as a UFO was revealed in the clear sky above me. A beam of beautiful blue light encircled me, as I was gently lifted off the ground. Looking skyward, I saw the silver disk pulling me upward, away from danger. Then I looked down to see those on the ground. Oh, I wish you could have seen the baffled looks on the government people’s faces….

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Training Part Three transitional phase

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Invitation to the Self When an event occurs in another state of consciousness, whether it is in a normal dream state or in another state of mind, is it really happening? Is it REAL? Most people would say, “No, of course not. That’s not real.” Let me ask you something: When a thought runs through your mind, do you know that it’s really happening? A thought has no substance or mass that we can hold onto, and we cannot see a thought, so do you say to yourself, “No, that didn’t happen! It’s not real! Thoughts are not real because I can’t grab them. They’re not physical, so they’re not real.” Too many people are tied up in the notion that if it isn’t physical, then it’s not real. It is a matter of fact that we think all the time. When we are awake we think. When we are asleep we think. When we imagine we think. When we are dreaming we think. When we are outof-body we think. When we are in an alternate reality we think. Thought transcends the physical world, yet we know that thought is “real.” Our way of science teaches us to use the approved scientific method, which gives no leeway for metaphysical experience. Anything that cannot be concretely pinned down by the five senses is not actually happening…. Hello? Wake up people. How do we expect to progress in science if we do not open up some doors of the mind? Just as a thought is real no matter where you are or what state you are in, an event that occurs while you are asleep is also real. It may not be physically real but, nonetheless, it is real. From my personal background, I feel confident in saying that for the most part, an abduction experience or visitation by the star people does not take place on the physical plane of reality. Because

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Transitional Phase consciousness is capable of expanding, I believe the majority of encounters occur in what I have termed the alternate reality. I do believe that star people have the capability to visit humans within the physical plane for a limited period of time, but for the majority of cases, humans are taken from the physical reality and transported to an alternate plane of existence. They are actually moved from their physical bodies into another level of the self – a consciously aware, REAL experience. What I am saying is that an individual who is consciously flying around in a silver disc with the star people may physically still be lying in bed. However, this does not discount the possibility of physically being abducted and missing for three days. The truth of the matter is that I do not know how it happens every time – the methods do not seem to be consistent, but I am working on a theory. I have been told a number of times, that since our bodies vibrate on different frequencies, the star people have to lower their vibrations while abductees/contactees have to raise theirs to meet “half way.” Therefore, the star people have an easier time maneuvering and doing their work while in the alternate reality; a meeting place of sorts. I believe that staying in the physical world for an extended period of time would prove to be quite difficult for them by slowing them down and limiting their actions. In other words, they do not have as much control on the physical plane as they do on other planes of existence. I have been fortunate enough to have experienced and recalled apparent “transitional phases” of switching from the physical reality to the alternate reality and vice versa. Here are a few instances that I would like to present to you:

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Invitation to the Self In this case, my memory came into clear focus while I was already in the alternate reality, standing in my living room. I felt very much awake and aware of my surroundings. I realized that even though I felt so close to a normal state of consciousness, I was not quite there. I did not dwell on this idea however, as I became distracted by a loud beeping noise which had abruptly begun sounding off inside my head. I had experienced this before, so I knew it was just in my own head and no one else in the house would be able to hear it. I could also see little red lights behind the curtain and just outside the window, which were also familiar. I did not panic. I knew the star people were doing this, so I was patient and just let it happen, as I am always yearning to know more. I walked toward the window to more closely inspect the red lights when I was suddenly lifted upward and into a horizontal position about five feet off the floor. I began spinning in circles, as though an invisible pole went through my midsection and I was circling around it. The speed was so great that I could not control the muscles in my face. There was a very bright light and I saw three tall star people standing nearby watching. They were in the living room with me. Interestingly, I saw that they were wearing clothing – what resembled layered robes. They observed me as if I were part of a scientific experiment and they were recording the data. I felt and could hear the crackling of what seemed to be static electricity. For some strange reason, I was laughing. I’m not sure why, maybe it was nervous laughter. I certainly wasn’t having fun. I was feeling a type of energy, like static electricity tingling throughout my body, permeating my entire being. I heard the beeping noise in my head and was spinning uncontrollably. Then I felt my 136

Transitional Phase physical body lying on the bed, but I was not in it! At that point I became very frightened. I felt that I had no control over the situation, and my body was lying there without me…. Luckily, it was not long before I felt my two “selves” merge, as I returned to my physical form. I continued to feel the tingles all over, like I have so many times after visitation. It was a prickly type of feeling, not too much unlike when your foot falls asleep and you get “pins and needles.” I was unable to move for about a minute, but when I did, I was overjoyed to feel my blankets and my pillow with my hands, just to know that I was awake and in my body again. When I felt safe enough, I went back to sleep. I had returned to the alternate reality, and was going out the front door of my house. Four UFOs were hovering in the sky above. I was very happy to see the ships and ran forward to greet them. One ship landed and the star people came out onto the lawn. They were disguised as humans so they would not scare me or the other humans they had onboard the craft. The disoriented humans were being escorted out of the craft to be washed off. Apparently, they had just been picked up from elsewhere and they needed to be clean to stay on the ship. I approached a star person and asked her to turn back into her “real self.” She replied that she did not want to frighten me; that I might not like her if she took on her true form. I told her it was okay, so she did it - she transformed into a 3-foot tall star person, still the same spirit, still giving off the same type of energy. I picked her up, like she was a child, and carried her around the yard while we spoke. She seemed to be fine with that, and I really hadn’t given it a second thought. I told her about the beeping noise and the spinning I had

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Invitation to the Self experienced, and with a smile she exclaimed, “Oh! I was just warming you up!” We prepared to board the ship. I was concerned about being gone and my family missing me, so I asked the star lady how long we would be. She casually replied that it would be about a month or so, but the time on my clock later showed only three or four hours gone from the night. A few months later, I had a similar experience. I was in the alternate reality, sitting in the passenger’s seat of my car, which was parked in the driveway. My immediate reaction was to wonder how the heck I got out there and why I was just sitting there by myself in the middle of the night. Suddenly, the radio came on and started making a sharp-sounding beeping noise. It got louder and faster, and I tried my best to discern what was being said, as it seemed to be a language of beeps. I leaned toward the radio, attempting to make some sense of it. Then another noise began in the back seat. It was a flapping sound, almost like someone was briskly shaking a blanket in the air. I was scared and could not turn to look. I was afraid to even breathe. I tried to say “what?” but I could not move my lips to speak. I gradually felt myself lying on my bed. I was facing the wall, with my back towards the open room and the flapping noise still sounding off behind me. I thought that someone had grabbed the edge of my blanket and was shaking it violently. I did not feel a breeze from this; I only heard the noise. I felt as though I could not move or open my eyes, but I didn’t even want to try doing that, I was so afraid. Slowly, the sound subsided and I was lying on the bed, unable to move for a few minutes. Finally, I turned and looked behind me. There was

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Transitional Phase nothing there, and the blankets did not appear to have been moved at all. In fact, nothing seemed to be out of place. Slowly, I was coming to realize that the visitations were not taking place physically, but I could not understand how I would have physical scars on my body in the morning when I woke. One day, I awoke to find that a painting I had been working on had vanished. It was a picture of a star person and a little girl in the woods on a snowy evening. I was later told that the star people, who liked the painting so much, had taken it for themselves. Once again I wondered how it would do them any good in the alternate reality. To me, at the time, these two worlds were separate. I knew there had to be connections, but my culturally conditioned mind could not fathom how the physical world could be connected to other levels of existence. I experienced more of what may possibly have been types of transitional phases, which included bright flashes of light. On one occasion, while watching a UFO land in my front yard, the craft began to spin and hum, creating a yellowish-white light around itself. The illumination became extremely bright and the craft seemed to explode into a ball of energy. A flash of brilliant light flooded the yard and house. I stood in the glow, unafraid. I knew these people were my friends, so I just stood back and let the encounter happen. After the light flashed by me, my memory had a lapse. I next recall sitting in my kitchen with 15 to 20 very small, light-skinned star people busily scurrying around me. I was reading a group of papers about different types of star people while the little guys were going about their very important business, whatever that was…. Another instance very similar to this one occurred about a year later. I was having a restless night, not able to sleep. It was very early 139

Invitation to the Self in the morning, and I was lying there, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, I was in an alternate state of reality, sitting up in the bed, with someone sitting next to me. I did not pay attention to who was there. Whoever it was handed me a photo album to look at. I started flipping through the pages. There were some pictures of an old friend of mine, so I looked closely at the photos, and I clearly remember a curious look coming across my face as I realized that something was odd about the pictures. I promptly blurted out, “These are pictures of star people!” I then looked over to the person sitting next to me and realized it was a star person. Instantly, his body became of flash of white light. Within moments, a second flash came, completely filling the room. I was dumbfounded. My mouth fell open as I felt a change overcoming me, a sort of numbness. I quickly felt myself lying in the bed, my muscles limp and unable to move. I was shocked from the abruptness of it all, and just lay there motionless, unable to move for a good long time, probably two minutes, and that’s a long time when you’re paralyzed! As you’ve probably noticed from other accounts that I have recalled in the book so far, there have been frequent moments of feeling tingly and unable to move after waking from visitation. I believe this phenomenon has to do with the process of moving from one level of reality to another. As time went on, and I became accustomed to the procedures of the visitation experience, the tingly feelings and the paralyzation upon waking seemed to subside in intensity. What began to happen instead was me trying to do it on my own…. One night after a visitation, I woke suddenly in the bed and, for some reason, felt that I had woke too soon…I wanted to see the 140

Transitional Phase star people a bit longer. I knew they were in their UFO far above my house, getting ready to leave. With great determination, especially being wide-awake now, I closed my eyes and repeated to myself over and over again, “I am awake and on the ship.” I started to feel tingly, and I got scared at first, but I kept going. I could not believe what was happening. My body became so tingly that I could hardly feel it anymore. I kept up my little chant as I began to feel the star people nearby. I was beginning to make out their forms, and I realized that I was coming up through the bottom of the spacecraft! I saw at least three star people staring at me with disbelief. One was sitting in a chair and had started to get up to see what was going on. At that point, when they realized what I was doing, I felt myself promptly returning to my physical body. Before long, I fell into a vivid dream and was talking to a friend who I could not see, only hear. This individual told me I had just been “dematerializing” my atoms, and that I had almost made it onto the spacecraft. The star people saw me and sent me back right away. References to realities other than the physical were brought up from time to time. I do not think I was expected to understand it all, but as long as I had the notion that life goes on in other dimensions and planes of existence, I was doing well. Sometimes the information came during visitation, and then at times it was to be found in regular dreams and visions. In one of these particular instances, I was in my backyard with family and friends, having a picnic. Nobody, besides myself, seemed to notice the yellow craft hovering above the house. I smiled and waved to it, and it promptly sent out a small “probe” towards the ground. At that point, everyone could see what was going on. Of course, they focused on the funny glass thing that had just 141

Invitation to the Self floated out of the sky, and completely ignored the spaceship above the house. I had seen numerous probes coming from ships before, so I knew what they were about. Sometimes they brought messages and sometimes they had something like cameras in them to gather information. This probe was probably the largest I had ever seen, about 2-foot across and 1-foot wide in the middle, tapering to the edges. It was a smoky grey color, and had what appeared to be little lumps for eyes, positioned on its topside. It reminded me of a stingray. The family children ran over in excitement, wanting to “catch” the strange object now resting on the ground. They threw plastic bags on top of it, in an attempt to bury it. I broke out laughing and said to them, “You’d better watch out! When that thing’s ready to take off, it’s gonna zoom out of here!” They quickly removed the bags and the probe flew away, apparently to escape the overly zealous kids. It returned a few minutes later, landing on the ground near me. The yellow craft followed it, floating about eight feet off the ground, approximately 10 feet in front of me. Two star people showed themselves, and I recognized them as friends of mine. They explained that many different dimensions existed simultaneously, side by side. They wanted me to understand that our world was undergoing a change, from the 3rd to 4th dimension. “As you change, you will be able to see other people living in the 4th dimension.” They went on to say that they were able to view all of my dimensional selves at the same time, and I got the impression there were at least 10 dimensions to see. After the brief discussion, they flew off. The star people know that life exists in a multitude of realities, and they have made great efforts to get this point across to me. I believe 142

Transitional Phase that many other contactees have had similar experiences. Of course, knowing that other levels of reality exist is one thing and reaching them is another. I am of the opinion that the transitionary phase I have been speaking of is an effect of moving from one reality to another. The only knowledge I really have about the transitional phase comes from the experience of doing it, which does not mean that I actually understand how it works. What I do know is this: The physical world is based on energy – energy that we have the ability to manipulate. Our physical bodies are energy based. Just like a fingerprint, each of us has a unique, individual energy frequency that our bodies vibrate on. This frequency correlates with the body’s energy level and can be manipulated. This is a long shot, but here it goes: it may be that the star people use electromagnetic radiation to speed up the body’s energy rate. This radiation comes in the form of intense white light, which transfers its energy to electrons, bumping them up to higher levels. The faster the electrons move, the higher the energy vibration becomes. In order to leave the physical reality, the electrons need to be moving at a rate beyond the speed of light. Accelerating electrons beyond the speed of light enables the Spirit to leap into the next world – a quantum leap, if you will. The speeding up of the body’s electrons acts as a catalyst for interdimensional travel. Electromagnetic radiation can also be used to slow down an electron’s movement rate, bringing the individual back to the physical reality and normal level of awareness. This transformation shifts your awareness into another conscious level of reality; you simply shift your awareness, but do not carry your physical form along with you. The speeding up of the body’s energy 143

Invitation to the Self gives you a boost; a momentum to make that leap of awareness. This is, I believe, what the star people do when “abducting” people from their beds at night. When I tried this maneuver on my own and brought myself onto the spaceship above my house, I willed myself there through concentrated thought. It wasn’t so difficult for me to do it on my own; all I had to do was concentrate and there I was on the ship with some very surprised star people. Why was it so much easier for me to just think about it and there I was? I have control over my own body, with the use of an extremely powerful tool – thought. We know that matter has mass and light has mass. They exist in the material world. Energy has no mass and thought has no mass. Their boundaries surpass the material world. In other realities, mass and light take on an energetic form, not a physical one, however, the form of thought remains constant whether in the physical world or in an alternate reality. Thought, therefore, can work as a bridge between worlds. The energy we are made of may be manipulated; we can change its form. We are much more than our physical selves; we exist on many levels, and when our physical forms perish, our spirit energy still survives. What the star people do is manipulate a person’s energy so that a part of the self leaves the physical form and travels to an alternate reality and, I believe, they also have the means to take a person physically into that alternate reality as well. Another concept to understand is that every level of the self affects all levels of the self. This explains the physical scars that abductees/contactees find on their bodies. They do not necessarily receive these scars on the physical plane; what occurs on one level of the self directly affects all levels, including the physical self. This helps 144

Transitional Phase to explain the bizarre occurrences that happen during visitations, that abductees/contactees are not able to explain. They believe the events happen in the physical reality, since they feel fully aware and conscious, when truthfully, they may be experiencing the visitation in an alternate reality with waking consciousness still intact. Remember the visitation that I knew would happen beforehand and I tried to videotape it? Well, when I watched the tape the next morning, I never saw myself physically sit up or leave the bed, even though I was sure I had done it during the night. It was very clear in my mind, and I believed I was fully conscious and aware of what was happening at the time. What actually transpired was that my sitting up happened in another state of existence in which I was conscious, but not in my physical form. The videotape, of course, could not pick this up. We each have the ability to exist consciously in other dimensions and planes of existence, and they are very much as real as the material world we focus on now. The more I learned with the star people, the more I traveled to other levels of reality. As this type of experience evolved, I was brought into events where I became witness to the entire world shifting from the physical reality into an alternate reality before my very eyes. I was placed in situations where I was forced to deal with this stupendous, unthinkable change. I do not know why this was done. Perhaps it was a test of some sort or just a learning experience. Whatever it was meant to be, I had no choice but to deal with it or completely and utterly lose my mind. During one of these rare occasions, I was with my family, watching the world around us fall apart. Wind and rain pelted us as we stood on a dock watching ships load their hulls with supplies and head out to 145

Invitation to the Self sea. For some reason, they could no longer stay in port. Roads and bridges were falling apart. People could not get from one place to another. They were giving up on hope, killing each other, and running around like mad zombies searching for life. My family and I hurried to our house, looking for that safe haven we had always expected to be there. We crowded into one room, holding onto each other. The window before us revealed a dark sky with the moon slowly rising. It was full and bright, casting shadows in the room, giving us a feeling of familiarity – the cycles of the moon on time and on schedule. Suddenly, it appeared as though an eclipse was beginning to cover our lovely moon, bathing it in an eerie dark red. This happened very quickly and was over. As I took in a sigh of relief, it began again. The moon glowed a dark red color and then it passed, bringing back the white light of the full moon, but lasting only temporarily, as the crimson wave swept across the moon again, this time remaining. As my entire family stared in awe and disbelief, the dark red moon literally blinked out of existence. In its place appeared a grid of blue, green, and yellow light…just a flat square of color in the night sky. Somehow, in a monotonous slur, I uttered the words, “I heard someone speak of this before, but I did not believe them.” We watched, unmoving, as the square rolled onto its side to become a diamond shape. As it made this turn, the grid pattern extended on all sides, creating a crystalline structure. In all my experience, there has never been such a moment of sheer terror as this. To watch the moon dissolve into an alien, crystalline device meant to me that my entire world was shattered. In every other traumatic experience, there was at least a familiar humanoid shape or 146

Transitional Phase some recognizable lines of landscape; some form of semblance to hold onto. I now existed in a foreign, seemingly unfriendly environment. In a void of all rational thought, my mind went blank and I simply stared at the unbelievable evidence of my reality gone, replaced with a horrendous monstrosity. The children started wailing and screaming. This snapped me out of my stupor, and I knew in that moment it was up to me to hold us together. I was the only one who had any type of experience related to this at all. I shoved my fear to the back of my throat and rubbed the girls’ hair, telling them, “It’s okay, we’ll figure this out. It will be all right,” not having an inkling of a clue how…but what else could I do? This was the most extreme case of witnessing the transition from one reality to the next, but it was not the only one. I had, on numerous occasions, ended up in an alternate reality where energy was seen and represented in color, and the sky was filled with geometric shapes. In time, being exposed to this new landscape made me somewhat familiar and more at ease with the situation. I came to know, in that particular level of reality, that energy was highly “suggestible.” It was so easily manipulated that I was actually frightened by having that much control. Perhaps I felt that by changing too much around me, I could undermine the foundations of a recognizable reality so much that I would bring myself into a seriously bizarre environment that I could not even comprehend, and I would become trapped there. What I think was really happening was that the star people were introducing me to a new environment. My fear was overpowering at first, so much so that my thoughts could not even come together in an orderly fashion. However, over time, it advanced to the point where I was able to observe and wonder about the “rules” of this new reality 147

Invitation to the Self and how they could be used and manipulated. My fear of the highly suggestible world reflected sensible caution on my part, which most definitely needed to be addressed. While realizing I was not in the physical world, I also knew this was a real place. My experience in this foreign environment would affect me on all levels of my self. Acknowledging that concept and taking it seriously has given me the advantage of calm control during the visitation episodes. I continue to visit new environments and slowly work my way into understanding how to function within them. Not only does the experience help me understand other realities, it helps me understand the physical world as well.

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Graduation Part One earth changes

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Invitation to the Self I was entering a new level of education as the visitations took on new form. There was no more genetic experimentation or creation of hybrids. What took their place was a sincere, symbiotic relationship of open communication. Instead of being fed information in lecture format, I began my own experiential learning; I was able to ask questions and try things out on my own with limited but ever present guidance. My opinions were also of value, as I occasionally translated between human participants and star people. It seemed I was in the perfect position to understand and empathically pick up feelings from both sides. One of the lessons repetitively pounded into my head concerns the state of the Earth and the coming Earth Changes. I do not know if this information is to be taken symbolically, literally, or somewhere in between. The star people have gone to great lengths, relentlessly filling my mind with images of impending catastrophic events. When I say Earth Changes, I am referring to an increasing awareness and rising of vibrational frequencies that will bring about a change in consciousness on the planet. This may or may not include a pole shift. The shifting of the poles happens when the Earth shifts on its axis, causing the north and south poles to become positioned in new locations. This has been discussed in a number of writings. I am not an expert on the subject, but the star people have told me that if and when a pole shift occurs, there will be great physical upheavals on the Earth. I have also been taught that the best protection against these tragedies is to be as pure of mind and spirit as possible. These messages were conveyed to me through dreams, visions, and talks normally consisting of approaching storms, rising water, warnings of war, and images of the sun and moon. The state of the environment 150

Earth Changes had always been an issue that was brought up by the star people, but warnings of war and catastrophic-type storms were far greater in number. There seemed to be an evolution of these images; a connection between all of them that was built upon over the years. In one of the early visions, I recall standing breathlessly with my eyes fixated on a violent sky. Dark storm clouds loomed threateningly over the horizon, soon making their way across the land toward me. I was afraid that a tornado would develop, as the clouds began to twist and swirl, looking quite menacing. Suddenly, a light burst forth from behind the clouds. It was brilliant, and I thought it must be the sun shining through the blackness. I tried to focus on the light, but it was so intense, it hurt my eyes to see it. I was momentarily forced to look away. When I was able to turn back, I saw that the light was emanating from a brilliant corona – it was an eclipse of the sun. There were numerous visions like this, of the sun and the moon. In fact, there was one occasion that I recall being on a craft with the star people, a group of us casually hanging out together in one of the welllit rooms. A rather tall, at least 7-foot, white-skinned star person turned to me and said, “Hey, I wanna show you something.” He walked toward the doorway and left the room, then proceeded down a brightly lit hallway, motioning for me to follow. I did. This was a comfortable situation where I could come and go as I pleased, and he was a friend of mine. This star person led me to a small indention at the end of the hallway, which I could almost call a closet, but there was no door on it. I patiently and trustingly walked into it with him and faced the blank wall, as he stood to my right side and held his hand above my head. I automatically looked up. He then said, “Watch this.” A bright blue 151

Invitation to the Self light, emanating from either his hand or something he held in his hand, filled my sight and I knew he wanted to show me an image, probably containing a message of some sort. I freely let the experience happen. What I saw then was the blue light fade out as a cloudy sky scene took its place. As the clouds rolled by, at times separating from each other, a small sliver of light shone through and then a darker object that I could not decipher. I kept watching and soon the clouds became thinner. Still, it was not clear to me what was happening when, suddenly, a burst of light shone forth from behind a crescent, and I realized then it was another eclipse. I believe that enlightening our minds and being open to experience will allow us to enter the new state of consciousness the planet needs to attain. I do not know how easy that type of transition is to make but, according to my sources, many will not make it. They won’t be ready to evolve. I just look at it this way: no matter what happens on our planet, it’s a great idea to be open to other people’s ideas and to be tolerant of one another. Try to learn as much as you can about the world and its variety of people and cultures and become more understanding and loving to those around you. The first experience I have recorded about physical Earth Changes happened in 1988. I was standing on the beach looking out at the ocean. The night was still and the sky was clear. Without warning, the immense body of water before me was swiftly sucked away by some tremendous force. I jumped and fell over backwards with fright, not believing my eyes; I saw sandbars and puddles where a massive ocean rested only moments earlier. After the initial shock, I felt a calming peacefulness yet, at the same time, an ill, sick feeling came over me – 152

Earth Changes that this life was about to end. I saw bright lights dancing above me in the sky, and I assumed they were UFOs. I did not realize it at the time, but what I was seeing was probably the makings of a tidal wave. This lesson was one of many, all of which concerned the destruction of our planet and the demise of just about every creature inhabiting it. So, right away I was exposed to the idea that “life as we know it” on Earth would not last forever. This notion was not really one that I could comprehend. The only way I had to deal with that concept was to keep it in the back of my mind and just try to live my life as a good person. There wasn’t any way for me to prevent the elemental forces of Earth from doing whatever they wanted, so I was fairly limited in what I could do about that. I kept recording the information with the hope that one day I would understand. I have had plenty of time to contemplate the idea of our planet erupting in chaos, and this is my opinion on the matter: No matter what happens, we have a responsibility to this planet. There is love and beauty all around us. If only we would stop and listen, we could hear this beauty calling to us. Just be quiet and listen – is that so much to ask? Stop what you are doing and soak in a little bit of that energy. Stop and think about the natural beauty we are destroying. How can we enjoy it here if we devastate the place? If we would stop poisoning the Earth with pollution, it would be able to grow and thrive. If we would be more tolerant of one another and more willing to work together, humankind would be able to grow and thrive. We need to take care of this planet and we need to take care of each other. All the people on this Earth, no matter what culture or lifestyle, share the same fate. People with money and people with no money share the same fate. Do you think you are separate from someone who 153

Invitation to the Self is completely different than you - someone who has a different belief system? You are not. You are the same inside; you have a Spirit that is connected to all Spirits. We are not separate from each other, we are One. The people you meet are little pieces of yourself, and you are a little piece of them. Together, we are God. What happens if we end up killing the planet? I can tell you one thing - there will be no sadness like the death of the Earth. We each feel we are too small to stop the problem; too minute to make any difference. Just remember that we are all connected – when one piece of a Soul begins to do something, the other pieces follow, one by one. Just like dominoes. And never forget…if one domino falls, the others will soon follow. We need to support one another, and we need to step back and quietly take a look at the way we are treating this Earth, which is very much alive. It will not flourish if we fail to care for it, and it will certainly not survive if we do not stop killing it. I am of the opinion that if we all work together and pull ourselves and the planet through to the next level of awareness, there will be no need for death and possibly mass extinction. I have a feeling that the Earth needs to cleanse itself before it goes on…and if we don’t clean up our act, the Earth will do it for us. The visions that I experienced were very strong, emotional, and thought provoking. These were in no way ordinary dreams. Many times I woke abruptly, not being able to move my muscles, or jolting upward into a sitting position with a feeling of shock or sudden realization. Almost always, my first thought was to grab the dream journal or notebook or scrap of paper, whatever was closest, and write as much as I could before the tears stained the page so badly that it could never be read. 154

Earth Changes Living through extraordinary experiences is not easy for anyone. Even after many years of dealing with it, I am still moved by bursts of inspiration and insight stemming from dreams, visions, and trips to other realities that I know are as real as the material one I live in from day to day. I find truth in all. One of the visions that really made a strong impact on me was recorded like this in my dream notebook: “…And the day came when I began to sense that the end was near. I recorded important events in my book, ones that I thought might later be useful to other people. My children lay near me, sleeping peacefully. I did nothing but record information for many days, until the children woke up. Then I knew it was time to prepare. Time was growing short, as I waited for the signs. I walked the streets in my town and saw many changes. The people were different, as well as the atmosphere of the whole place. Many were acting strangely, as if something had changed their minds about how they should live. People no longer cared about each other. They did cruel things to hurt one another, and I tried to avoid them. There came a day when the sun went down soon after it had risen in the morning. It did this again, a second day. When the third day came, and the sun quickly began to sink below the horizon, I went to the center of town – to the temple. Many objects had a red aura around them, so I was cautious. The windows of the temple looked out over the ocean, revealing the immense storm clouds sailing swiftly over the raging sea. I watched the sun set at 11:00 a.m., with the moon following close behind. Dark clouds rolled in, and I ran to the door and called for the people of the town to come, as I prepared to seal the temple. Turning back to the 155

Invitation to the Self windows, I saw the sun setting, the moon turning blood red, and three United States Destroyer ships gliding through the violent water. I pleadingly yelled out to the people, but they did not come. I had no choice. I reluctantly and with great sadness sealed the temple. Two spaceships appeared outside the windows, waiting for me to board.” I have always viewed this vision as very symbolic, but at the same time I have seen parts of it coming to life around me. From the beginning, the star people had warned of catastrophic events, but as my time with them progressed, the information became more direct and focused. I was placed in settings that, I believe, were meant to draw intense, emotional reactions from me. They wanted me to understand the seriousness of the matter and to know that the Earth was a living organism that needed to be cared for, just as I needed to be cared for. One night, I dreamt I was standing on a beach that had once been beautiful, full of life and energy. I had been to this place before, both in the physical world and in the alternate reality. It had been a special place for me to visit. Now it was dead, polluted and forgotten. The water that was once a gorgeous, sparkling blue-green had turned brown, littered with gruesome clumps of oozing garbage and the shoreline was cluttered with a large amount of debris. I looked down the beach and saw an elderly couple sitting together on the white sand, looking out over the water. Overcome with dismay, I plodded over toward them, seeking some kind of explanation. Slowly I asked, “What happened to this place? It used to be so beautiful….” They quietly replied that people had ruined the beauty with their garbage and didn’t care about it anymore. They did not have the time to stop and clean up their mess; people were busy “living” their lives. 156

Earth Changes In other words, they had better things to do. I could not understand the calmness of their response. I stared at them in disbelief and began to cry, “I don’t understand. I was here only a few years ago…how can this be?” They just looked out over the murky water, fading from view as I woke. The following night, I had an alternate reality experience. I was watching government personnel loading explosives into the tips (noses) of what looked like airplanes. I then watched the planes colliding and exploding in midair. The government was doing experimental testing with bombs. In the distance, I saw an orange flash of light, then a huge cloud coming up from the ground with lightening shooting out of it. I then found myself in a huge government warehouse where explosives were stored in large cones. It was dark inside, and very quiet. A faint, bluish glow emanated from beneath the liquid covering the cones. I stood on a small walkway, staring out over a far expanse of those dangerous objects, and felt an intimidating eeriness creep over me. Suddenly, I was standing outside with a star person. He told me to watch the sky. I looked up and saw spaceships fighting with each other and with people on the ground – the government. It quickly became a “war of the worlds,” with everyone attacking each other. The star person explained that there were many different groups involved in this fight, more than what I knew. I got the feeling he and others were trying to stop the fighting, but there were so many that wanted to go through with the violence. I felt sad, and I knew he did too. In another episode, I was standing in a beautiful green park that had existed in that location for a very long time. There were flowers 157

Invitation to the Self and trees, and open spaces for picnics and for people to run and play. It was a peaceful area filled with a nice-feeling energy. One day, some young people came to take over the maintenance of the park. They decided to pave it over and build a tourist attraction. By the time I knew what was going on, it was too late to stop it. I was riding on a bus with these young people, and we drove over to where the park should have been. Of course, I was expecting to exit the bus and step out onto the lush green grass and enjoy the natural beauty. What happened instead was, when the bus pulled up, I looked out the window and was horrified. I felt crushed inside, remembering all the life that used to be there – animals and birds, the bugs and the grass and the trees. All of it had been paved over with asphalt. In my grief, I saw that underneath the pavement was a large, gaping hole. It was like a sewer, but it was empty. I then saw a vision of the future: cars and trucks and buses came to the attraction and they all parked on the paved area. Well, there was nothing to support them…they crashed through the asphalt and most died in the fall. After I had the vision of the future, I looked to the young people and begged them not to let others come to this place. I told them they were killing it and that it should be allowed to return to its natural state. They laughed at me and said I was foolish – how could I expect them to make any money that way? They didn’t care about anything else, and they couldn’t understand how having a strong, healthy foundation of life supporting their ideas would promote everyone’s growth. I thought about how they were wasting their energy on this useless project while destroying the Earth, and it made me feel such emptiness inside. I hung my head and wept. 158

Earth Changes The visions progressed to an even higher state of urgency. The star people were pushing me to the limit, forcing me to imagine the end of life as we know it. In one experience, I was trudging across a desert with a large, large group of people. We were trying to reach the other side, all exhausted from walking so far, dragging our feet as we slowly progressed through a barren wasteland. As we got close enough to actually see the other side, some of us started to feel our strength pick up and made a greater effort to reach our goal. Then it hit. An unanticipated shockwave of energy; a blast so huge that most were laid out flat on the ground, face first. Some, however, were lifted off their feet and went flying, hurtling forward through the air. I was lifted into the air by the tremendous smack to my body and, at that time, saw the fleeting vision of a military ship. As I went speeding through the air, a good 20 feet up, I passed a wide gap in the earth below me. If the others had enough strength to reach it, they would not have been able to pass over on foot. I was propelled to the other side of the gap, smashing and rolling onto the ground, but survived. I had somehow gotten a little further ahead than most of the others. The few survivors straggled to their feet. The next thing I knew, I was sitting amid ruins. Glancing around me, I saw the rubble and debris of what used to be a dwelling. There was a cold eeriness; a darkness enveloping me. Slowly, I turned my eyes to the night sky, seeing the moon and a planet very close to it. I was intrigued, staring intensely and squinting my eyes to examine the planet further. In a moment of sheer disbelief and a widening of my eyes, it appeared to me that the planet I was looking at in the distance was the planet Earth. I wondered where I could possibly be, as it seemed I was sitting on solid earth myself. 159

Invitation to the Self When I looked back down to the ruins, there were people of all ages sitting around me…so many faces of different colors and nationalities. They were waiting for me to teach them. I felt a twinge of panic in my stomach as I glanced at the papers sitting on my lap – the last of the notes that were left by earlier teachers. I found myself in the position of having to decide which were the most important subjects to teach. The people were depending on me, and I felt sad that there were no more teachers. I felt that I was not adequate to fill the space, but I decided to do my very best. Three nights later, a powerful psychic attacked me. I didn’t want to fight, so I just kept running away from him. After a very long and drawn out chase, he finally caught up to me and I had to face him. I attempted to smile and be friendly, and I began a conversation about his job and how much energy he was wasting pursuing me all night. I could see that he was tired as well. He agreed and decided to sit down. Before it was over, I had managed to convince the psychic that it wouldn’t do any good to attack me in an attempt to retrieve information. In fact, it would really be nice if he could give me some of his information. He agreed that, yes, it would be fine if he told me a few things. After intense deliberation, he took on the opinion that he was being “overworked and underpaid” anyway, so that justified his decision. He went on to say that some type of large object hurtling through space was on its way to Earth. The government knew about it but did not disclose the information for one reason or another, possibly to avoid panicking the masses. They had tried to shoot it with lasers to steer it off course, but this action had been unsuccessful. That was all the information I got. I had not heard those words before, but there 160

Earth Changes did seem to be some slight connection with the sun and moon images shown to me by the star people. In the meantime, the star people continued showing me images of what seemed to be an eclipse. These visions became more detailed as time went on. During one encounter with the star people, I was listening to a conversation they were having about an event of massive proportions. I distinctly heard one of them say, “It always happens on an equinox.” They were speaking casually, as if this would be a normal, regular event that had happened before and was expected to happen again, as it always did. I was lying down on a table or some flat surface while the two of them were standing nearby talking. In fact, it seemed that one of them was doing some kind of work to my head, but my eyes were opening and closing like I was in an altered, trance-like state, almost as if I had been given an anesthetic. As I was slipping in and out of conscious awareness, the star people gave me a vision to see. I was outside and it was very dark…not a normal darkness, but an unusual, unnatural blackness. People were running past me, hysterical, not knowing what to do. In the scene of confusion, two beings emerged from the shadows and came at me. In the distance, I heard the star people telling me not to worry, as a rather large figure stepped out from behind me and scared the other two off. This being was protecting me as if he were a bodyguard, and he made me feel quite safe. He was around 8-foot tall, with a very large build, smooth, creamy-white skin, and a serious demeanor. He stood behind me in a defensive stance with his arms crossed in front of his broad chest. It was nice to know someone was looking out for me, but that did not ease my mind about Earth Changes. I know that gorgeous blue161

Invitation to the Self green water can easily be polluted with brown goo and trash, because people have a tendency to spoil natural beauty. Regardless of the visions, I cannot clearly give an explanation of what it all means. Perhaps some people might like me to tell them when the pole shift will happen and what signs they should watch for. I believe this information should be discovered individually, in one’s own good time. I do not like to prophesize about the future simply because of this: prophecies do not always come true. I believe there is a reason for this, and the reason is called “free will.” Let me try to explain this with an analogy: If we all stood still and held our breath, and one of us threw a dart at a dartboard, we could see from the position the dart thrower was standing, the strength behind the throw, and the trajectory of the thrown dart to the board, where it might land and what number might be hit. If we all stood still and held our breath, the dart thrower might actually hit that number. But what if the dart thrower moves an inch either way or if one of us coughs as the dart leaves the thrower’s fingertips – the dart might not hit the same spot we thought it would. Imagine if everyone started moving around the dart thrower in front, in back, and about the sides. The dart could end up anywhere…maybe not even on the board. Prophecies might all come true if we all stand still and hold our breath, waiting for them to happen. However, if we start moving about and doing our own things, a funny little thing called free will comes into effect. Free will can change everything; in fact, it works like a ripple effect, changing the lives of the people around us. Think about what happens when you drop a pebble into a pond. The immediate impact in the center sends out ripples that become less intense, but 162

Earth Changes larger until they reach the edge of the pond. You are the center. The first wave is your family and close friends. The second wave affects your neighbors and the third wave affects the town you live in. The ripples keep flowing to other parts of the world. You can choose to change your mind about anything at anytime. The actions you take affect you and all the people around you, in one way or another. So many events can change or transpire given to free will, that for me to take my experiences and predict Earth Changes for all people seems ridiculous and, I believe, not even fair. I only present to you what I have experienced personally. This information may or may not hold truth for you. That is for you alone to discover.

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Graduation Part Two psychic attack

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Invitation to the Self Another lesson that intensified as it evolved was how to defend myself against psychic attack. Quite often, I had nightly visitors who wanted to know what I knew about the star people. Some of the inquisitors were straight to the point and immediately began to ask direct questions. Others were sneaky and attempted to trap me in some way so that I was forced to tell them what I knew. The most popular (and most bothersome) method was to attempt to scare me so badly that I would become paralyzed with fear and do whatever I was told. Fortunately for me, I had training in this field. It was a difficult task for another psychic to scare me, let alone retrieve any information he or she might be looking for. The government psychics were coming in full force, but I was learning how to defend myself in new and inventive ways. I never took the initiative to attack anyone, even if I knew that particular individual was not a friend. I have always been one to give people a chance. I know that all people have some good in them, so it is only fair that I should give them the benefit of the doubt. However, when confronted by the government psychics, I stayed on alert, like I was in this experience: I was already in the alternate reality, having traveled there myself. I nonchalantly strolled along a quiet, empty downtown street late at night. All the shops had long since been closed, so only hints of light shone forth from here and there. I meandered down the sidewalk, enjoying the evening air. I then noticed a dark shape in the far right side of my peripheral vision. I turned and looked to see a figure walking on the opposite side of the street. It was a man who seemed to be trying to keep my same pace. In a defensive mode, I created a knife in my hand, just in case. 166

Psychic Attack Now, if I had handled that situation a little less dramatically, I probably would have been able to lose him easier. Instead, it became quite obvious to him that he had been spotted. I started to walk faster, and so did he. I quickly slipped into a backyard and picked up the pace even more. In fact, I started running. The man followed, also running now. I came to a tall fence and turned to look behind me, to see how close he was. He was right there. He grabbed for me and I slashed at him with the knife. I ran again, this time in another direction. No matter where I went, he was right behind me. I started to get tired and knew I couldn’t run much longer, so I decided to stand and fight. Even before I could turn to face him, he grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked hard to pull me over backwards. He tried to jump onto me and pin me down, but I was up quickly. We struggled for some time, one hit after another, until I wasn’t going to put up with it any longer. I stepped up beside him, positioning my leg behind his, and swiftly pushed him down to the ground. The knife was in my hand as I jumped down onto his chest and began to cut his throat. I know it sounds revolting, but I had to do something! Besides, he had his own defense for this. Instead of focusing his energy on what I was doing to him, he quickly averted his eyes and started singing and talking to himself – a very good move on his part. In the alternate reality, focus is the most important rule, along with the knowledge of not being physical. I kept cutting and slicing, and he was just looking the other way, doing a very nice job of completely ignoring me. When I had his head almost entirely severed from his body, and he was still talking, I knew I was in trouble. I had him down for the moment, but it would not last much longer. I was exhausted and did not feel that I 167

Invitation to the Self could go on. I yelled out for help. My husband instantly appeared and took control of the situation. I was sure he could handle it, so I got up and left the scene. When he woke, we talked about the attack – he did not recall the exact details, but he did remember helping me with a struggle. Luckily, there was always someone to aid me when I really needed help. Most fortunate was the fact that Bryan had been studying psychic self-defense himself. He knew about the visitations in great detail, and the troubles I had been having with the government psychics. In fact, it wasn’t just me but also Bryan who was targeted, especially after the psychics discovered that he knew what was going on. We were partners, best friends, and supported each other in everything, including defense against psychic attack. This particular psychic was determined and quite powerful. I had a strong feeling that he was going to come back for me. I didn’t know when, but I suspected it could be as early as the following night. Therefore, I did some research of my own. Using the travelling skills I had learned, I found him later that same night, but kept very quiet so I did not attract his attention. I was able to discover his name and what he was afraid of: snakes. I had learned from the star people, and even the government psychics themselves, that fear is the great killer. People can be controlled by their fears, and that was a tactic commonly used by the psychics to gather information. I set a plan into motion; I would spend the entire next day concentrating on becoming a snake - and that was pretty hilarious, but I made a great effort in focusing on it with strong intent. I tried to think about what it must feel like to be a snake. This was not an easy task, of course, but I tried to imagine it anyway. It’s a 168

Psychic Attack good thing I didn’t have to go out anywhere that day…snake woman on the loose. That night, it happened. As I went to sleep, I concentrated completely on my plan to become a snake when this man showed up again. I went through a number of regular dreams, with no sign of him. I kept telling myself repeatedly to watch for him and turn into a snake when he approached. This took a great deal of energy on my part, and it was tiring. Filled with eager anticipation, I entered the fourth dream, which quickly brought me into an altered state of consciousness. I found myself standing in a small, square room, which was completely bare. I could clearly perceive the life-like intensity of this place and braced myself as the door opened, and the government psychic entered the room. He had what you might call a “shit-eating” grin on his face. I stood in one position, unmoving, and it may have appeared as though I were paralyzed with fear. What I was actually doing was keeping my focus inward, using just enough outwardly focused energy to determine his position and how close he was getting. The look on my face was probably blank, maybe with wide eyes. With each deliberate step he took, I focused and told myself to wait. I held back until he was approximately six inches away from my face, apparently very pleased with himself for finding me so easily. Then I let loose…or should I say the snakes let loose. MUCH to my surprise, I shape-shifted into a 10-foot snake poised on its tail end in a striking position, looming over the psychic's head. I watched as hundreds of tiny snakes shot out of my snake-like self into the bewildered government psychic.

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Invitation to the Self Talk about the element of surprise…. He stood motionless, eyes bulging and mouth hanging open as the snakes went into his body. At that point, he was the one unable to move, clearly stunned and shocked. I never saw him again. Learning how to defend myself turned out to be very useful; unfortunately, it was something I definitely needed to know. The government psychics kept coming. Now more than ever, the psychics were working their way into my life, even more so than the star people. You might be wondering HOW the government people were doing this. I still do not know the definitive answer to that question, but I do have an idea. I believe the government conducts its own experimentation, with genetics, psychic development, and “time travel” (for lack of a better phrase). From what I am able to recall, government people never took me out of my bed like the star people did. I was always in the alternate reality already when they made contact with me. It is not difficult to travel out-of-body and visit another person. The government psychics use this technique as well as remote viewing. In many of the attacks, I was flying around when something caught my attention and then ended up trapping me – they drew me to them. They were definitely interested in any information they could attain about the star people, and they were also intent on keeping track of my whereabouts. Perhaps they needed to keep track of my vibrational frequency so they would know when I had entered the alternate reality. At times, I noticed a subtle difference between the visitations of the star people and those of the government. I have a feeling they differed slightly in the frequency they took place in. It could be that although it was also a conscious state of awareness, an experience with 170

Psychic Attack the government people was actually more like the physical world; closer to it in the vibration of energy. I believe those experiences also took place in the alternate reality, not in the physical world. It has been easier to recall details and events taking place in those experiences with the government people than it has been to remember the star people visitations. Perhaps the secret government was trying to reach that same level the one the star people operate from. It seems to me that the government psychics do not have the same level of access to an abductee/contactee as the star people do; they work on two different levels of the alternate reality. Whatever the case, I believe there were times when it was accomplished, or maybe the star people came down a step or two for one reason or another. I had, at times, seen them existing in the same space. Ever wonder what would happen if the government psychics showed up the same night the star people did? Well, it happened one night, quite unexpectedly for everyone involved, I might add. I woke in the alternate reality to find myself dancing at a nightclub. All the people were dressed in costumes, which I thought was strange, but then I figured they must have been having some type of costume party. There was also an odd feel to the place, something I could not quite put my finger on. As I was dancing and trying to fit in with these weird people, a man approached and asked if I would help him with an experiment he was working on. He seemed pretty harmless, so I said, “okay,” and went with him. Boy, do I know how to get myself into trouble or what? He just needed me to hold some little metal thing in my mouth, in between my teeth, and he would adjust it so the experiment would work. We 171

Invitation to the Self walked over to an object shaped somewhat like a small telescope standing on a tripod. This was over on the far side of the room, away from everyone else. We were standing close (about three or four feet) to a wall covered by a long curtain that reached the floor. He gave me the little metal piece to hold in between the upper and lower teeth on the right side of my mouth. I clamped down on it, my tongue darting away from the awful metallic taste. I wasn’t too happy about it, but, wanting to help out, I just dealt with it. He was adjusting some controls on the telescope-like object, and then came over to me and asked me to open my mouth so he could put the metal piece “in place.” I complied. As I held my mouth open, he attempted to insert the metal piece into one of my lower molars on the right-hand side. I began to feel an uncomfortable sensation of electricity coming from the metal. It was vibrating and sending little shocks into my tooth. I was getting aggravated. I asked the man to stop, because it was bothering me, but he kept insisting it would not take much longer and that I was "doing just fine." Well, I didn't care about his experiment any longer; I just wanted to get away but at that point, found I was unable to move. Out of the corner of my eye, over to the left, I saw a rather tall figure appear near the curtain, in the shadows. I could not see it well but had the feeling it was waiting for the right moment to jump out. I was not worried, as I knew its focus was not on me. Suddenly, a sound from behind the curtain distracted the man working on my tooth, and he turned and went closer to look. The figure leapt from the shadows and grabbed him. It became quite clear that it was a star person, about 8-foot tall. He dragged the man from view, and I quickly pulled the metal piece from my tooth. I looked at it 172

Psychic Attack first, thinking to throw it onto the floor, but instead stuffed it into my pocket and ran across the room, headed for the exit. It was at that point I noticed that the “night club” actually looked like a barn. I crashed through the barn doors and ran into an open yard. While I was running, I caught sight of a flashing light reflecting off the nearby houses of this rural neighborhood. I stopped to look up. Much to my surprise, there was an extremely large eyeball hovering in the sky, which was sending out flashes of light every few seconds. It was THE eyeball…I was so shocked to see it, and my first instinct to save my hide was to smile and wave, which I did, but there was no response. I turned and ran through other yards and behind houses, trying to find an escape. I found no way out. I kept running and running until I woke up. As I was lying there, slowly waking from my sleep, my glance fell upon the mirror on my wall, which showed me the bedroom doorway. Suddenly, my heartbeat accelerated, as I distinctly felt a presence in the house. I wanted to yell to Bryan, who was lying next to me asleep, but I could not move…not even my lips. My pulse quickened as my eyes widened and became glued to the mirror, watching intently, with my hand resting on top of my husband’s head. Then I saw him – a small being, approximately 4-foot tall, with light creamy-tan colored skin and large black slanted eyes peeking around the bedroom doorway. Bryan jumped and sat up in the bed. The star person had left as quickly as he had come in, but my husband had seen him, nonetheless, while he was sleeping. One night I was lying in my bed, not able to get any real sleep, so I got up and went to the kitchen for a drink. The door opened and in strolled a government agent. I went about my business of getting some 173

Invitation to the Self juice as he wandered in aimlessly, apparently looking for something, but it did not appear to be me. He searched around the dining room and then the living room, briefly scanning whatever was lying about. I was curiously watching him, wondering what he was doing in my house. I got the impression he was actually there for me but didn’t want to alert me to that fact. Looking back at it now, I try to rationalize this bizarre occurrence – if I was awake, how could I be so calm about a government agent walking into the house? I should have at least screamed in fright! I don’t have much of a choice but to assume I was already in the alternate reality and had not realized it. I must have slipped into that other state of consciousness without noticing, which actually isn’t too hard to believe. I walked up beside him and said “Hello” and began asking him questions about why he was in my house. He was nice to me and seemed harmless. As we spoke, the room gradually changed into another room, one inside a government building. I assume that because I was giving him my full attention, he was able to bring us there by way of thought. We were standing in what looked like a long dining hall filled with decorated tables and chairs. Streamers were hanging from the ceiling like there was going to be a party. We stood around for a while, apparently waiting for others to arrive, but I woke in my bed before anything happened. I was awake for a short time and then went back to the alternate reality and the same government building. The man was still there, but was now sitting with a woman at one of the dining tables. They looked up when I appeared, and they both smiled. Then they went back to 174

Psychic Attack their conversation, and I began to feel the pangs of boredom, so…naturally, I jumped up onto a table. Well, what else was there to do? I leapt to the next table and the next and started grabbing streamers and swinging around the room on those. The man and woman took notice and stared at me in wonder, seemingly confused with my actions. Perhaps they didn’t know how to fly, but it is likely they were surprised to see me swinging from the ceiling, jumping from table to table. I laughed to myself as I flew about the room like some wild woman. The man rose from his seat and asked if I would accompany him. I jumped down and said “sure.” We walked into another section of the building, entering a large, open room with a low ceiling that had a few doors going to other smaller rooms. He led me over to a table where two other people were standing. They were dressed in what looked like white lab coats. These were government personnel who worked with “psychic development.” No one made any sudden movements, and I was allowed to roam about freely if I chose. We stood and looked at each other for a few moments, no one taking the initiative. What has occurred to me since then is that they couldn’t really do much if they could not keep my attention. Suddenly, I was distracted by a noise coming from one of the side rooms, so I went to investigate. I walked into this room and saw, much to my surprise, a star person sitting on a bench! I stood still to wait for any movement or reaction on the star person’s part, but there was none. I got closer and looked into the large, black eyes. I stood back and paused momentarily in irritation as I realized that what I was looking at was not what I had assumed it to be.

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Invitation to the Self I angrily yelled out, “You’re not a star person, you’re a fake!” I strode decisively into the next small room and saw yet another fake star person. Consumed by indignation, I pushed it over and watched it topple over onto the floor…nothing more than a suit. I was disgusted and stormed out of the room. “What the hell is that!? That’s a suit!” Seeing a portly man in a security uniform, I quickly strode over to him. “What is that fake star person doing in there!?” He replied that those fake aliens were utilized to project images that were used for a number of reasons, one of them being that they needed help in “gaining my confidence.” I could not believe my ears. He was so indifferent about the whole thing…no big deal, projecting false images of aliens so I’ll be cooperative with them – and he actually told me that! Perhaps his conscious mind was not aware of what he was saying in this place. I walked back over to the lab coat people and their examination table. I propped myself up on the table in disgust. They were engaged in a discussion about me. They knew all about my visitations from the star people and the government psychics that tried to gather information from me. In fact, they even told me that they had attempted to gather information from me a number of times with no luck. They went on to explain that what they needed to do now was to “get a lock” on my “frequency patterns,” enabling them to contact me at any time. There seemed to be a sense of urgency, as they pleaded with me to go along with them. I was not afraid of these people. At that point, I was just very revolted with the whole affair and losing what patience I had. However, they were very pleasant with me, and I could see no harm in what they were asking, so I lay down on that table and let them inject 176

Psychic Attack me with something that would help me “relax.” They proceeded to hook me up with pads and wires, so many that I didn’t bother to count. I tried to sit still for as long as I could and let them get the “lock” they needed, but I just couldn’t help it. I was too curious about the other rooms, and I was getting bored again. I sat up and pulled the wires off my body. Apparently, that relaxing drug they gave me wasn’t working too well. I jumped off the table and walked toward another one of the doorways leading to more rooms beyond this large one. I went exploring down a hallway, looking into rooms along the way. This was some type of training facility for government psychics. One room had a purple-colored forest in it, of all things. I saw people in the rooms along the way but did not stop. However, I did see a person standing in the hallway and I asked him what all this stuff was for. He said the psychics could use the things in these rooms to “disorient” people they wanted to gather information from. I just nodded my head and slowly made my way back to the large, open room with the examination table. The lab coat people were standing there, glad to see me returning. They said they’d almost gotten the lock on my frequency, but they needed me to get on the table for a little longer. Unfortunately for them, I wasn’t interested in helping out anymore. I was still intent on searching the place. I turned to walk away and received sudden empathic feelings of sadness and regret. I stopped and turned to look back at them. The lab coat people were very upset that they did not get the lock on my frequency and, at that moment, I somehow understood that this had been their “last chance.” It seems the secret government wanted to tag me and lock onto my vibrational frequency in order to track my progress through the upper 177

Invitation to the Self levels of the alternate reality that the star people work from. They desperately needed to access those levels, but were unsuccessful, simply because they were not able to take a measurement of frequencies that high. I went to look around again, but the people were not being so friendly anymore. I ran into a nasty government psychic that began chasing me down a hallway. I leapt into the air and flew toward the exit, where two of my spirit friends were waiting to help me. I had not been expecting their assistance but, when I saw them, I went to them quickly. They opened the doors as I flew up a ramp and into the sky, over the water. I looked back down and saw that this was a marshy area with cattails surrounding the exit. It was an underground building, completely hidden from view. I was consciously aware at that point, feeling very much like I was awake. I felt scared and started to cry as I flew home. In the morning, I sat for some time and just thought. Why were those government people so nice to me? Was it just to get what they wanted? And why were they so sad when they failed to acquire that “lock on my frequency?” The government psychic encounters became more and more strange as time went on. Another tactic they began to use more often was to disguise themselves as star people. I assume this was in order to have me believe they were friendly, so I could trust them. Sometimes, however, they would make the star people look bad by doing mean things in their star people suits. On yet another occasion of running from attackers all night, some “star people” were flying around in a helicopter…so right away, things were weird. They landed their helicopter nearby and wanted me to hop 178

Psychic Attack onboard and take a ride. I thought it was crazy – did they steal a chopper or what? I woke up three times during the course of the night and went back into this same odd experience. Eventually, I got a pretty good idea of what was going on. When they landed near me again, I stood my ground defiantly and, with hands on hips, yelled at them, “Are we going for a ride into outer space or to a government lab!?” and their reply was, “to a green lab.” Their costumes fell off and they were clearly human underneath. They chased me, but, at that point, it was not hard to lose them. And by the way, I have no idea what a green lab is. Dealing with so much stress at night was not easy. I somehow managed to put on a smiling face and go about my daily business without too much trouble. My way to cope with the nightly insanity was to learn from it and devise a new technique for fighting off the attackers. My system of defense slowly began to evolve into a less fearful, less violent method of protection. I even met others in the alternate reality who were working on the same issue. One lovely alternate reality evening, I was in the mountains with a gathering of like-minded people. We were all practicing defensive moves against psychic attack. I was standing on a large hill, awaiting the practice attackers’ approach. Two people came at me, and my first reaction was to use energy like the star people had shown me. These two were flying at me, having come up from the bottom of the hill. I pushed a good amount of blue light energy at them, saying “peace…sleep,” and they both floated softly down to the ground with their eyes closed, resting peacefully. I was learning how to defend myself in less violent ways. It seemed to me that not only was this way calmer and more peaceful for both 179

Invitation to the Self sides involved, but it also took less energy and effort than having a fistfight. Which, if you think about it, doesn’t even make sense in a reality where physical laws do not apply. The psychic attackers would soon learn that my methods were ever-changing and unpredictable.

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Invitation to the Self I was beginning to feel more confident that the experiences I had at night were every bit as real as my daily, waking life. My alternate reality skills were coming into clear focus, as I found myself free to explore on my own. Although the star people were still around, they basically stayed in the background and let me go with it. I felt as though I were progressing somehow. The visitations had definitely changed, and there was the sneaking suspicion I had been through a lot more of this “training program” than I was consciously remembering. My subconscious mind began to reveal memories of the past, in which I was spending a considerable amount of time with the star people…more time than I could have ever imagined. Time that, in a way, I did not want to know about. A number of times, I was sitting in a chair looking at a photo album. Inside the album were pictures of me…at different stages during my life, with the star people. I became quite upset looking at these photos, wondering where my parents had been. The series of photographs began in the infant stage and progressed all the way to present day. Where were my mom and dad? Weren’t they supposed to be protecting me? I was just a baby! What shook me up so badly was the abrupt switch of perception; going from thoughts and feelings of home, family, protection, love and caring to being stolen from my crib at night and whisked away to wherever the star people wanted to take me. My parents had been helpless to stop it, and most likely oblivious to the fact it was happening at all. I felt violated, and it hurt more than the feelings I had after dealing with attackers. This was worse because it dealt with a small, defenseless child – me. On one hand, I felt a kind of connection with the star people, like the feeling you might experience with old 182

The Connection friends that have been in and out of your life but are always friends no matter what. On the other hand, logically thinking as an adult, it seemed that I had been taken advantage of; that the visitations had commenced before I could even speak my mind. But this was my initial response to the shock. The intensity picked up as I saw visions of the past: myself as an adolescent, in some type of training camp. I was with a group of teenagers, and someone (exactly whom that someone was is not clear to me now) was teaching us how to survive in cold weather conditions. I was near a tent working with a few other kids my age. Snow was falling as we dug with shovels and hoes into the ground, pushing aside the few feet of fallen snow to reveal the earth underneath. The scene changed and we were inside an underground area surrounded by thick metal walls. I heard someone say the name of the place, but I can’t recall it now. It sounded like a nickname. This person looked like an Army soldier. He was explaining to me that most places have “safes”; special rooms that are protected by thick metal walls, but that “this complex IS a safe.” I knew I had been at this camp for about two weeks. I couldn’t understand how I could have been gone so long without my parents even noticing. From what I was beginning to see, I had spent a good deal of my life with the star people, but I wondered how there was no “missing time" back home. I felt unsure of my life and who I was. I worried about hidden memories and, in fact, it was agonizing. After looking back over my records, I realized there could be a connection with something a star person had said to me as we were boarding a UFO. Before we embarked on our journey, I asked how long we would be gone on the ship. She replied “Oh, about a month or so,” 183

Invitation to the Self but we were only gone for three or four hours earth time that night. Is it possible that time moves differently in the alternate reality? I believe so. More and more often I had vivid dreams of parties and reunions social gatherings of humans and star people. One evening while still awake, I was standing on the back porch stargazing. I watched a small red light appear in the distance. It was moving in an odd fashion, up and down, vertically in the sky. At first, I wasn’t sure if the light was an airplane or helicopter, but after watching it abnormally move up and down, up and down, I figured it wasn’t either. It stayed at the same distance, just doing its little movement. After observing the light for a good 30 minutes, I decided to go in. At bedtime, I curled up in the blankets and snoozed off to the alternate reality. Once there, I found myself standing on the back porch again. The little red light had evolved into a red pyramid shape with a jellyfish-like tail. Another identical craft joined it, and they proceeded to do their up and down motion side by side. As I watched, they moved closer and closer to me, and a faint red glow slowly spread across the lawn. I turned and sped into the house and jumped onto the living room couch, not quite in fear, but something more like anxiety. The rest of my family was already sitting there. On the edge of our seats, we waited, all staring at the back door. I watched intently as a figure slowly approached the house, and I then realized I had left the door wide open. Not wanting anything dangerous to walk right in, I leapt from the couch and sprinted to the door. Wham! I slammed the door right into the little guy’s head!

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The Connection I peered out through the glass, wondering what I had done. There were two small hybrid children, one just clambering to his feet, apparently knocked back from the impact of a wooden door slamming in his face. I exclaimed, “OH, two babies!” and quickly swung the door open, which probably frightened them quite a bit. They both stepped cautiously up to the door, smiling and apparently not upset over my sudden reaction. In appearance, they looked like 2-year-old human boys, both with light blonde hair. I knew, however, they were not fully human. They wanted us to go with them, although they did not specify where, so I asked my husband and kids if they felt like having an adventure, and we all decided to go. The next thing I was aware of was standing in a large open room with a conglomeration of beings: humans, hybrids, and star people. It felt very comfortable, as if we all lived there together and I had been there before. This large room was a social gathering area with activities going on. People were mingling, talking to each other, and playing games. I went over to bathe at one of the many shower areas I saw in a back section of the room. I seemed to instinctively know to do this, as I had seen people taking showers on the ships, and I’d seen the star people washing some passengers off before bringing them aboard. It seemed that the people with more experience, who were able to maintain a conscious level of awareness, could fend for themselves, and those who were in other states of consciousness were gently taken care of by others. Everyone needed to be clean before spending time on a craft. I didn’t feel embarrassed as I walked over to the open shower and removed my clothing. It just seemed natural to me, and nobody was paying attention anyway…until I began showering, that is. A young 185

Invitation to the Self man walked up and curiously watched me, but he wasn’t googling or anything, just intently observing. He said, “I like the way your body is made.” At first glance, I had assumed this person was human but, from his reaction to me, he apparently was not. I thanked him and finished my shower. I clothed myself and walked into a smaller room. What a surprisingly beautiful place it turned out to be! Smiling, I strolled through the center of the room, examining what I could. There was a group of children sitting on the floor, listening intently to a lady who was reading a book to them. The story was about Goddesses. This room almost seemed like a daycare center. It was lovely, painted with bright colors, and had tall windows draped with sheer white cloth. Looking further, I discovered a balcony extending outward from this room. I walked out onto it and was amazed to see that we were floating above a white, sparkling city. The sight was awesome and I just stood there for a few moments, soaking in the excitement of it all. The peacefulness was suddenly jolted by the sound of military jets flying by – quite an abrupt change. I then heard someone, somewhere in the back of my mind, speaking about military bases; ones that held evidence of extraterrestrial life and knowledge of the star people. Why would I go from a beautiful, happy experience to a briefing on military bases? I really don’t know. This kind of event would happen from time to time and become more frequent as my experience advanced. There was some connection that I had not puzzled together yet. As I mentioned before, I was now in a position of being able to communicate to just about everyone I encountered, whether it was human, star person, or hybrid. I had come to understand many of the 186

The Connection star peoples’ actions and mannerisms. I also understood their speech, which really surprised me the first time I deciphered it. They sometimes spoke in a language of screeching “beeps,” for lack of a better term. I had heard this many times, even during the transitional period of moving from one reality to another. Here is an example of what happened one time during a translation experience: Finding myself in the alternate reality, I was standing in a room with about 20 other humans. It seemed we had all arrived in this place together and were just becoming aware of our surroundings. We simultaneously looked up to the ceiling and it disappeared so we could view the night sky. We all saw beautifully colored lights twinkling above us, which was nice for me to experience in a group, since I was usually the only one who could see them. We also began to hear screeching noises, and some of the people in the room panicked and ran into corners in a feeble attempt to hide.... I tried to calm them down; I knew the sound as the speech used by some of the star people. I compassionately said, “it’s okay,” but some of them ran for the door and tried to turn the knob. When they touched it, a small electrical shock came from the doorknob, and the people yelled and jumped back. I shook my head and muttered to myself with disapproval. Apparently, the star people were on their way and wanted to keep all 20 of us there until they arrived. I didn’t like the idea much, but I did not feel it was meant to be harmful. Sometimes the star people could be purely “scientific” in their methods, and by that I mean that scientific researchers, in many instances, put their work before anything else, including their own feelings and the feelings of their “subjects.” 187

Invitation to the Self I walked to the center of the room and, in a clear voice, explained to the people that this had happened before, and that we needed to try to remain calm and just stay where we were. I was able to calm their nerves a bit, and even told them the star people were about to walk through the door. I was right. The doorknob turned and in through the doorway came two star ladies, each wearing a makeshift disguise of robes and wigs. It was funny to me; they were only about 3-foot tall, with really long wigs, so their hair almost reached the floor. Even more humorous were the hair colors they had chosen – pink and purple. They had never been good at being fashionable. They were screeching, of course, but I knew they were trying to talk to us. I discovered that if I concentrated on their sharp sounding voices I could understand them. What I managed to uncover was this: their planet was in very bad shape, so they had to evacuate. They were allowed to make one last trip back there to complete any unfinished business. Then I saw a brief vision of a planet exploding. At that point, they left. It was a rather strange and abrupt visit, and I had no idea what the purpose was. I told the other people what the star ladies had said, and we kind of stood around for a few minutes in a bit of a stupor. As we stood there, unsure of what to do, another lady and I began to see “tattoos” appear on our hands and arms. Images and designs began to show, as if the ink were bleeding up through the surface of our skin. It was quite unnerving, but we had no choice except to watch and let it happen. Upon closer inspection, we realized these were from different lives we had lived, kind of like tribal markings. I inspected them for a while before waking. We had a few marks in common, but there were many images sprawled across our bare arms, some almost 188

The Connection identifiable, like something I had seen before in an ancient history book. There were also those that I had no clue about; nothing I had ever seen on this planet. There was also the time when the star people were observing a group of humans, including me, in an enclosed setting. It looked like an experiment in psychology, with two star people inside the room with us (participant observation). A few humans were wielding soft baseball bats, like the spongy Nerf type. One of them went to strike a star person on the head, so I quickly lunged forward to intercept the blow and scolded the man, saying, “No hit!” I guess I figured in this state of mind, with so much energy needed to focus, basic words would do. Then when the same human turned to hit a fellow human in the head, the star person reached out to stop him. I then grabbed the star person’s arm and said to him, “No. You are not going to take that away from us. That is a form of communication,” and the star person quietly backed off. I was quickly becoming the cultural interpreter. The star people had given me the freedom to come and go as I pleased – or perhaps I had taken that privilege for myself. Of course, I traveled to the alternate reality quite often without them. They seemed to be sitting back and watching me explore on my own. Every now and then I would run into them, and they always looked like they enjoyed my company, as I did theirs. In one experience, I was standing in a café with my husband. We had apparently just arrived in the alternate reality. People were seated at stools around a bar having drinks, and a few inquiring individuals peered at us from their tables. I was looking around, checking things out, when I saw a star person sitting at a small, round table. He noticed that I was looking in his direction, and curiously asked, “Can 189

Invitation to the Self you see me?” I said, “yes,” and walked over to sit at the table, in a chair across from him. Bryan also walked over and stood behind me to watch. The star person, glad to see a friendly face, showed me three “tricks” that he could do with his hands. Before each trick, he would ask, “Can you do this?” and afterward, I would replicate the maneuver. The one trick I recall the most clearly is creating a ball of light energy in my hand. He seemed to be proud of me, and kept speaking with me, even as I was waking! In that state just between sleeping and waking, I turned to Bryan, who was lying in the bed next to me, and said to him, “Look, there’s an alien in the room,” and the star person, standing next to the bed, quickly said to me, “I am not an alien; I am your brother,” and I knew in my heart this was true. I felt his presence all morning. I was getting the impression that I was not the typical contactee the star people dealt with. Many of the fellow humans I saw on the ships seemed to be in trance-like states, not fully aware of what was going on around them. In order for me to speak to them, it would take a good deal of concentration and energy to help them bring their attention into focus enough to listen. And, for the most part, my focus was on watching the star people. This is most likely true for many contactees, who are only able to see and observe the star people during visitation, knowing they can see all the humans they want upon waking. What I was beginning to understand was that the star people are not separate from humans; we are somehow related. There is a strong connection between us, and I suspect it has been that way for a very long time, as there is evidence of ancient peoples sighting UFOs and extraterrestrial beings. How long has the connection been there and 190

The Connection how deep does it go? From what they have told me, we are a family. They even refer to us, star people and human, as brothers and sisters. The more I thought about this, the more I felt that it was okay to spend time with them. Even when I was a young child, I willingly accompanied them on their spaceships, sat and talked with them, and listened patiently to their lectures. I decided that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without their companionship. Many concepts were changing for me, as I grew in different areas of my life. One evening, I had a vivid dream in which I was driving a car. I was having a bit of trouble at first, but as the dream progressed, I got the hang of it. The controls in the car changed every so often, as did the car itself. This typical four-door sedan eventually turned into a spacecraft. The front seat enlarged and the steering wheel turned into a lever. I went from steering and controlling the vehicle from one spot to having to run back and forth across the room to make use of all the controls. The vehicle also went through the transformation from ground travel to air travel. When the craft had become fully equipped for space, I found myself standing on the ground facing two star people. At that point, the dream state evolved into a more conscious level of awareness. I stood in one position as the world around me went from blurry to clear, fuzzy to crisp, as if I had put on glasses, and they had woken me from my slumber. One of the star people standing before me was quite tall and the other was fairly short. It was funny to see them standing there together, with about a 3-foot height difference. They did not speak to me, but smiled and handed me what looked like a small compact case, smooth, with no seams, that fit into

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Invitation to the Self the palm of my hand. I held it in my hand, noticing the feel of it, turning it over and over, wondering what it was for. I suddenly knew that if used properly, this small compact would enable me to float in the air, up around 10 feet or so. They just kept smiling at me. I smiled back and then looked down at the compact, wondering what I should do with it. I was standing in the wet grass and actually felt a mosquito bite me. I closed my fingers around the compact and thought about floating. It worked! I was slowly lifted off the ground, and then realized that my head was bumping into something solid. It was my bedroom ceiling! I was now quite aware of what was happening, as my state of consciousness shifted up another level. The star people were gone. The scene had changed and I was in my own bedroom, leaving my body. Wanting to continue, I concentrated and thought to myself, “You can go through the ceiling.” I kept my eyes open as I continued to drift upward through the ceiling of my room and out through the top of the roof. I felt the thickness of the roof as I floated up through it, and I saw the layers and materials it was composed of. After I made it out, I stopped briefly to look down at the house and yard, and then with much exhilaration, shot upward toward the starry sky. I was filled with a happiness that I cannot explain. My heart felt like it would explode with pure joy as I did flips and rolls through the air. Then a beautiful array of colors caught my eye. I stopped, floating in midair, as I saw the sun peeping up over the horizon, shining on a distant storm cloud, creating a reddish glow. I flew for the cloud, wanting to immerse myself in the shining light, feeling so much happiness as I let my body fly swiftly through the air. It seems that, when flying, a good burst of energy can take one a long way. It was 192

The Connection then that a conscious remembering hit me – I had always wanted to find my silver cord. With great anticipation, my heart beating fast with excitement, I turned to look behind me and, there, extending from my upper back, was a living, flesh-like “cord.” In absolute awe, I reached behind me and grabbed hold of it; my silver cord, which wasn’t actually silver but a pinkish flesh tone, similar to the rest of my skin, was floating behind me. It was enormous. I had expected to see a thin string, but this was made of a number of thick cords coming out of my back, joining together as they went outward, becoming one solid mass of living flesh. Well, this was a surprise, to put it mildly. I pulled the cord around to my front to get a good look at it. I felt the warmth radiating from it and felt the thickness and heaviness that continued down toward the Earth, as far as I could see and, I assume, down to where my physical body was sleeping. The cord became thinner and thinner the farther away from me it went. I also noticed a kind of stickiness to it, which was the only thing that made it different from any other part of my body. I was ecstatic. I had lost the little compact, but I didn’t care about that anymore anyway. What I had discovered, a part of myself, was more important to me than anything else. I expended my remaining energy on examining it as long as possible, until I woke in my physical body. I lay there and thought happily about the cord and, of course, scribbled it down quickly in my dream journal. I was learning and discovering new concepts so quickly. It was a very exciting time for me. I took those new ideas and experimented with them. After the star people taught me about energy manipulation, Bryan and I studied the subject together. It didn’t take long for me to start 193

Invitation to the Self trying new things on my own. One evening, when I had a feeling that I may have a visitation coming, I decided to circle my bedroom with white light, a sort of barrier that I hoped would work in the alternate reality. I walked around the perimeter of my room in circles, imagining the energy building up and engulfing the room in a sphere of protective white light. Bryan and I had discussed this and agreed that the circle of energy should keep out any unwanted visitors. As it turned out, I was correct about a visitation, and the energy barrier was in place. After falling asleep and entering the alternate reality, I distinctly felt a presence, so I went to the window to look. Sure enough, standing outside on the roof just outside my bedroom window were two star people. They could not get in. I laughed to myself. I had never seen this type of being before, so I sat down on the floor and had a good look at them to try and figure them out. Strangely, they were both wearing loose fitting red clothing and also had their heads wrapped in cloth, a style similar to a turban. Using my empathic skills, I felt that these beings were “neutral”; they had only come for a one-time shot, to do some testing on me. Unfortunately for them, they couldn’t figure out how to get in. I sat there and watched them for quite some time as they stood directly on the other side of the barrier, deliberating amongst themselves, trying to solve their dilemma. I was not afraid, but curious. After quite some time, they figured it out. I am not exactly clear on what happened, but I can say that to the best of my knowledge, they used a form of telekinesis to remove a small piece of skin from the bottom of my foot and float it out through the window. They did not break the energy barrier – the only thing that went through the barrier 194

The Connection was a piece of my skin going out. It had been quite a clever solution on their part. The next thing I remember is sitting up in my bed, still in the alternate reality. I ran to the window and saw a red light in the distance. It turned pure white and seemed to explode. The light became very large and suddenly, was gone, seemingly imploding into itself. I watched for a few minutes and did not see the light again, so I went back to bed. The energy barrier had been a partial success; at least it detained them for a while and prevented them from actually entering the room. It was a worthwhile experiment. Every now and then, I felt the need to protect myself in some fashion or another, whether it was putting protective energy around my own body or placing it around the entire house like a huge bubble. I didn’t mind seeing my star friends, but I definitely did not like being poked and prodded by anybody! Preventive measures are always a good way to go. Every now and then, I saw UFOs during the day or at night while I was awake. It was always kind of neat to see, but not a big deal compared to the visitations. At times, I saw UFOs while awake and then later had visitations in the alternate reality. Here is an example: During the middle of the day, I spotted a UFO in the clear blue sky. It was a bright silver object far above me that flew a short distance and then vanished. Three times that day, I heard a ringing noise in both ears. I had experienced this before. It had been, at times, an indicator of a coming visitation. Later that evening, well into darkness, Bryan and I were out taking a stroll, enjoying the cool night air. A white flash made us stop in our tracks and look up. Way up there in the sky was a bright silvery-white light that appeared to be “rolling” its way upward. 195

Invitation to the Self It darkened, but we could still see a faint outline. A smaller white light followed it. At first, we thought it to be two separate bodies, but then realized it was the same object, flipping its way into the heavens. It went straight up until we could no longer see it. That night, I dreamt the oceans had risen and huge waves were crashing everywhere. I was on a peninsula, and the water was coming from both sides. It was very frightening, to say the least, and I felt like I was trapped. Later, during the course of the night, I saw the silvery UFO once again, and this time a star person emerged from it. I have little recall of this event but do know that near the end of the experience, an implant was inserted inside my right ear. The following evening, my entire family (my husband, my two daughters, and myself) experienced a visitation and all recalled some part of it the next morning upon waking. My experience begins like this: I was outside with Bryan, trying to call the star people down for a visit. Apparently, we were in the alternate reality together. We saw lights in the sky, but they did not come down, so we decided to go back in the house and to bed. On the way to our room, I saw my oldest daughter. She sat up and looked at me, and I could see that she had been “looking into a star person’s eyes,” which is what I thought at the time from taking a look at her eyes. Suddenly, a bright light shone down onto her bed from the ceiling. It was a way to board the spaceship. She jumped up into the light, with my husband following her. I was about to join them when my youngest daughter yelled out, “Mommy!” and I physically woke in my bed. My daughter was calling to me in both worlds. I ran to her and she asked me, “Mommy, where are you going?” I told her that I wouldn’t 196

The Connection go anywhere, and that seemed to comfort her. I went back to the alternate reality and watched the lights of the ship through the walls and ceiling of our house, but I did not go out. I also dreamt once again that the water was rising and becoming violent. In the morning, my husband recalled seeing lights in the house. My oldest daughter said that the star people came down in their spaceship and landed in the yard. One of them got out and walked around the yard. He was contemplating whether to bring the whole family on the ship or not. She says that we got our things together and all went for a ride on the ship. My youngest daughter was explaining to us that she saw different colored lights in the road, shining down over the street, when my older daughter burst in, “Yeah, the spaceship was there.” The star people were common knowledge to my family, so we openly spoke of them in casual conversation. And this brings me to the topic of connection once again. I am not the only person in my family who knows the star people. From what other contactees have reported, and from my own experience, it seems that this connection with the star people runs through family lines. If you are an abductee/contactee, it is likely someone else in your family is too. Without realizing it at the time, I was going through a spiritual transformation. I was gaining more control over my own life and my actions in the alternate reality and Out-of-Body. The star people were treating me more as an equal and less as a student. I was having conversations with them and teaching “classes” with them. It began to dawn on me that I was making some kind of serious progress when I experienced my own “graduation.” I had entered the alternate reality with the star people and was standing at the edge of a 197

Invitation to the Self large, polluted lake. Across the lake was a bridge on which people were standing and yelling at me. They were saying that I was crazy, as they threw trash and screamed obscenities. A few feet in front of me was a screen doorway. I noticed little white markings on it and then realized this was something I had been working on during my training. I was almost finished with this project. When I had completely removed the white markings from the door, I could proceed forward. A star friend quickly appeared next to me and started pulling white markings off the door. He said that I had done my part in completing the work and passing the tests, but there wasn’t much time left. He was going to help me finish. We both rushed to rip markings from the door. Soon the doorway was clear and I broke through it. I hesitated, looking from the screaming people before me, back to the star friend behind me. He kindly encouraged me to go forward, saying that I should ignore those people who were yelling, because beyond the bridge there were others who loved me and were waiting for me to arrive. I stepped into the water, which was shallow and easy to walk through. I paid no attention to the nasty people on the bridge. I went under the bridge and up onto the other side of the lake, where a doorway was opened for me and I proceeded to walk onto the bank. People waiting for me there were very happy to see me. I was told that I had now “graduated” and that I was “ready.” After this experience, I found myself in a new setting – my family and I were dressed in different colored robes, getting ready for my “graduation ceremony.” The colors of the robes showed what “levels” we were on. That was not fully explained to me, but I recall that my robe was white, and the bottom hem and the short sleeves were 198

The Connection decorated with a latticework design. Star people and humans were mingling in the crowd. I felt proud of myself, even though I wasn’t sure of exactly what I was proud. My star friends told me that since I was now prepared and did not need their help anymore, they would be moving on to help others. Not long afterward, the star people came for another visit. I was standing outside near the ocean, already in the alternate reality. It was evening and a breeze was blowing off the water. Strands of hair blew across my face, and I stood motionlessly, soaking in the eerie silence. I watched the sky, knowing they were near, as I could feel their energy in the air. As I waited, I began to sing, experimenting with different notes, coming up with my own melody. A craft gradually approached from the east, and I kept singing as I watched it getting closer. My singing voice echoed in the thick silence around me. The UFO stopped when it reached me and hovered there approximately 20 feet above my head. I was calm, singing softly, now swaying from side to side waiting to see what they wanted. A light shone down from the craft, not a brilliant one, just enough that I could see it was there, more like a glow. I knew to hold out my hands, and watched in amazement as a key slowly appeared there. It was an oblong shape and flat. I held it up with one hand and saw some type of ancient writing appear, as the words became musical tones. I stopped my singing so I could hear what the key was saying to me. I felt a warm glow in my heart and a knowing that this key was to be used when the time was right. I felt it had something to do with the coming Earth Changes. In the stillness, I brought the key to my face to examine it more closely. Then I gently closed my eyes, letting the key slip inside my heart where it would be safe until I needed its use. 199

Invitation to the Self It was getting to the point where instead of the star people coming into my bedroom and dragging me out of my body with a flash of light and a big to-do, I would go and wait for them in the alternate reality. The experience of being taken from one reality to the next was bypassed, making the time we had together used more efficiently. The calmness of the meeting made for an unobstructed, open communication for both sides. I went on to receive a number of “keys” which I placed in my heart. I did not have a clue what to do with them, but I felt the importance and privilege of being gifted with them. I always had the impression that when they were put together, they would form something special, so I’ve been storing them up. I know I don’t have all the keys yet, but I believe as I progress on my spiritual path I will earn more keys and these, in turn, will somehow open new doorways. In 1995, the A.R.E. in Virginia Beach held its first UFO conference. I was invited to attend the conference for free, since it was my article that had generated the interest in the first place. I gladly accepted. I met some wonderful people there, including Dr. John Mack from Harvard University and PEER (Program for Extraordinary Experience Research) and Mr. Budd Hopkins, who wrote the Intruders book that had triggered my conscious mind. Everyone was openminded and receptive to new ideas and possibilities, even the people who had no previous experience with the subject. For part of the conference, I sat with Dr. Mack and Karen Wesolowski from PEER, so we were able to discuss the phenomenon. I also spoke to Ms. Wesolowski for hours in the garden outside the A.R.E. that day, and I happily related many experiences while we ate lunch. During the conference, the editor of Venture Inward, Robert Smith, 200

The Connection acknowledged my presence and asked me to stand, and I received applause for ultimately bringing this conference to the A.R.E. I had never felt so much support before. This event made me aware of the fact that many people are interested in the “alien abduction phenomenon” and that there are educated, serious researchers studying the data. This gave me a stronger sense of relevance, and I felt a little more like sharing this information with others. My ties to other people were expanding – human and otherwise.

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Taking Control Part One overcoming psychic attack

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Invitation to the Self During the summer of 1995, I heard about a psychology course offered at the local community college. I had always been interested in the subject, and I thought it would be a great way to spend the summer, so I signed up. I engaged myself in the study of human behavior and earned straight A’s. Not only did I enjoy the challenge of going back to school after 10 years, it was also therapeutic for me. The psychological concept of being able to alter one’s lifestyle through thought control was intriguing. One day after class I approached the professor and spoke to her about my experience with the star people. Her reaction was one of interest; being near the end of the semester, she knew what I was capable of and took me seriously. She had her own practice outside the college setting and invited me to come in for a session. I met her there, along with another psychologist who was to sit in and observe. It was explained to me that the subject of alien abduction was not very familiar to either of them, but they did know of the possible traumas that could be recalled and were not sure if they could handle that or not. Some abductees undergoing hypnosis have episodes of crying and screaming while reliving hidden memories – apparently, that type of therapy session is not for everyone, including psychologists. What they wanted to do was a trial hypnosis, to see how easily I could be hypnotized and what might happen. They were very cautious, not unlike timid mice. I went along with the psychologist’s suggestions, quickly going into an altered state of consciousness. She asked me to hold out my right arm and make it as stiff and hard as if it were an iron beam. I did so. The other psychologist got up and approached me, pushing down on my arm with all her weight. It would not budge. This was nothing new to me and seemed quite 204

Overcoming Psychic Attack normal; not only was an “altered state of consciousness” quite ordinary for me during visitations, but Bryan and I had also been practicing meditation techniques together. I tried to assure the psychologists in the room that everything was okay. I knew I was in an altered state, but I was still quite aware of everything that was going on around me, and I felt that I was in control. Unfortunately, the two psychologists decided that we could go no further – they were afraid. They did not want to take the chance of having a traumatized, hysterical patient in the office who they could do nothing for. Their fear of losing control prevented us from going further and learning more. I was disappointed, but at the same time I understood their shared perspective. I had wanted to investigate the experiences further, but I left the office with my hopes broken. I returned home to continue my usual recording of information as it came to me. Analyzing the data on my own, it was easy to see that just as the visitations had evolved, so had the experience of psychic attack. In many ways, I had more control over each encounter, even those that brought new and difficult situations. However, I was not in the clear yet. My last experience of being rescued by the star people occurred in 1995. It all started while I was in a pleasant dream, exploring a new land. This was a fairytale-like place that held my interest strongly. What I did not realize at the time was that this absorbing locale had been set up just for me, to gain my interest and hold my attention. An enchanting little town with cobblestone streets and smoke drifting upward from chimneys caught my eye. What had not struck me yet was that all the streets were empty. There were no other people to be seen. The glow of candles shone through windows and doors as they 205

Invitation to the Self opened invitingly, calling me to come closer and have a look. I had just spotted what appeared to be a gingerbread house, covered with candies and toys, and I was excitedly hurrying toward it when I happened to notice two men following me. These unpleasant individuals clearly did not fit into the surrounding environment. That jolted my level of awareness up a notch and I realized I was under psychic attack, in some sort of trap. The dreamstate turned into a consciously aware alternate reality event. Upon seeing my adverse reaction to them, the men broke into a flat-out run, taking chase after me. I was quite upset that the magical dream had ended, and I reluctantly jumped into the sky to flee the scene. I actually hesitated and looked back longingly to the quaint little shops and lighted streets. Being quite unprepared for this attack, I was sluggish in my movements, desperately struggling to adapt to the new state of mind suddenly thrust upon me. The men were not able to fly. Instead, they kept their feet planted firmly on the ground, stretching their arms and legs like rubber to reach out for me. I accelerated my flight speed and momentarily lost them, but I could not keep up the sudden burst of concentration required to completely lose them. Knowing that I needed assistance immediately, I dropped all other thoughts and came to an abrupt halt, floating in mid-air. In a sincere moment of distress, I refocused all my energy on an appeal for help. I looked up toward the Pleiades constellation, cried out for help, and blew the stars a kiss. Instantly, white light flashed all around me, seemingly coming from the stars themselves. It came rushing toward me, gradually changing and forming into a glowing ball

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Overcoming Psychic Attack that floated before me. I held out my arms and the ball came to a rest in the palms of my hands. The attackers disappeared, as well as the rest of the setting. I was floating in a quiet, sleeping world with no movement around me. I saw my own reflection in the ball, hair in a tangled mess and tears streaming down my face. I was careful with the luminous ball as I glanced back up toward the stars, smiled and whispered, “thank you.” I turned my attention back to the ball and threw it into the air and popped it. I woke in my bed. That was the last time I asked for help and the last time I received it. From that point on, I was on my own. I made a conscious effort to be more alert – to always be prepared for anything that might happen. Over the years, I gained a good amount of control in the alternate reality and in dream states. I learned how to focus my awareness and energy where it was needed. One evening that autumn, I came to consciousness in the alternate reality. I was immediately confronted by a hostile group of about 20 people. They were floating down like heavy balloons, falling from silver ships strategically positioned in the sky, rapidly closing in on me. These people appeared to be human, but I was not sure; the feelings I picked up from them were hostile and robotic. It occurred to me that whoever or whatever they were, there had been brainwashing or programming involved. Unfortunately, I had no time to think about who they were or why they were doing this; my thoughts were focused solely on how to get away from them. There was no sense in running or even flying, as they were surrounding me much too quickly, on the ground and in the air. More and more of them were leaving the ships to encircle my position. 207

Invitation to the Self The first one advanced upon me, forcing me to look into its eyes, attempting to grab my concentration to gain control over me. The eyes were glazed over in an eerie fashion, as though this individual’s thoughts were really in another place. I felt that my only way out was to respond with an attack. Trying to contain the panic burning at my insides, I glared back into the eyes, searching for some weakness to aim for, and promptly found it. About halfway between the front and back of the head was a “wall” which I could see (or feel, rather) by looking through and past the eyes. I gathered up a tiny, condensed ball of my own energy and shot it out of my eyes into the entity’s eyes and to the wall inside its head. It was almost like a shot of air pressure, shooting out from an air compressor. When my concentrated ball of white light energy hit the wall, the wall collapsed. The entity suddenly stopped, standing there motionless with a blank look on its face. I continued to do this to each attacker that advanced upon me. The reaction was always the same – an abrupt stop of all movement. I quickly determined that these entities had been programmed to carry out predetermined actions. When I hit the walls inside their heads, their programming shut down and they stood there not knowing what else to do, and from the looks of it, not even thinking about what to do. They seemed devoid of all thought. I do not know why they tried to attack me or who could have done the programming to their minds. What I do know is that I have used the same method of defense against other negative entities, one of them being a 4-foot-tall star person with big black eyes. His reaction was a bit different…. Instead of stopping and blankly staring into space, he jerked and twitched and stumbled around in circles. Not a pretty sight. 208

Overcoming Psychic Attack I have heard from other abductees that the aliens will sometimes take control of an experiencer's body by staring into his or her eyes. By using some form of telepathy or hypnosis, the abductee is then paralyzed. I do not personally have any conscious recollection of this type of experience happening to me. I have, at times, been paralyzed, but never while a star person was staring into my eyes. For me, it was always more of a side effect of the transition of moving from one state of consciousness to another. For most of my experience, I have had the ability to move freely among the star people. Even among negative, hurtful entities, I have been able to move about and escape their clutches. The few times that I recall actually being paralyzed, there were only humans present. In 1995, by the time I was 27 years old, it had become very clear to me that there was a secret department of the government with indepth knowledge of “alien” visitations. I knew because I dealt with them quite often, and I was not the only one. Not only were other abductees reporting such events, members of my own family were also experiencing psychic attack. One night that same year, in a vivid dream, I was having a picnic in my backyard. My family and some of our friends were sitting in the shade of a tree, enjoying iced tea and little sandwiches. It was daytime and the sun was warming the air. While relaxing with this good company, I noticed a black helicopter in the distance. You might imagine that, at this point in my life, I was getting tired of having pests interrupt my enjoyable dreamtime. I tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away. It did not. The helicopter flew by, did a loop and turned back. It flew by again, this time a little lower than before. It continued to make passes 209

Invitation to the Self for quite a long time, yet I was determined not to let this spoil the pleasant afternoon. I pretended not to see it. It was common for me to be the only one, in my dreams, to be able to see lights and objects flying in the sky. So, I figured if I didn’t see it, then surely no one else would, and if I didn’t speak up about it, there would be no way that anyone else would notice it! Unfortunately, my logic did not work in this particular instance. The helicopter came to a standstill, hovering just above our beautiful shade tree. It dropped a small wire ring to the ground, finally gaining the attention of the others and then, quite reluctantly and grudgingly, myself. I picked up the small device in my hands, knowing it was a “probe” or “bug.” We played with it for a while and then broke it into pieces. The helicopter flew off. The consensus was that this government bug should be disposed of, so I walked into my house to throw it away. When I reached the dining room table, I saw a notebook full of information about star people. Supposedly, a government worker had accidentally left it there. I skimmed through it and then decided to make a copy for myself. When I was satisfied that I had recorded enough information, I gathered up the government “trash” and proceeded to make my way to the garbage can outside, near the front sidewalk. I had decided it would be better to throw this stuff away somewhere besides in my own house. I was about to dispose of the items when three cars sped by. Each identical car had a similar-looking driver holding a gun, and each one took a shot at me. Well, I just stood there with a curious expression on my face. Not one of the bullets had managed to hit me. I was standing there in plain sight, about three feet from the road…. I never even moved. I was amazed that I hadn’t gotten shot, and I 210

Overcoming Psychic Attack thought about how those attackers obviously needed more training. I casually threw the notebook and bug away and headed back to the house, shaking my head in disbelief. Much to my surprise, on the way to the house, I was confronted by a ninja with a shotgun…. I had to stop myself for a moment to hold back the laughter. I was thinking, “Why would a ninja need a shotgun?” But, I wouldn’t want to embarrass the fellow, now would I? So I said, “Okay, you got me.” He stood motionless, aiming the gun at me. I turned away from him for a moment, to snicker, and when I looked upon him again, he was accompanied by a man wearing slacks and a dress shirt, and wire-rimmed glasses. This fellow seemed to be observing the scene, with no fear of being directly involved in it, as though he were not really there. At that point, the actuality of the situation hit me like a Mack truck. This man was somehow organizing the attack, as pathetic as it may be, from some other place. I don’t know if he realized I had seen him or not, but at that moment I stopped playing around and hastily woke myself up. Upon waking, I heard rapid breathing and sounds of distress. I quickly looked over to my husband and could clearly see that he was having some difficulty in his sleep. I quietly woke him and asked him what he was dreaming of. He anxiously told me that some government people had taken him inside a spaceship. He saw a star person there who was smiling at him, but then an image was projected into the hand of the star person, making him look quite menacing. According to Bryan, the image was only seen in what appeared to be a reflection. For some reason, the government people wanted him to be afraid of the star person. He next found himself inside a NASA 211

Invitation to the Self base, tied to a chair, where he had been seated in front of a television screen. On the screen he saw distressing images of the same star person and the spaceship. Bryan’s image had also been projected onto the screen, and that is what he had been seeing. In reality, there had been no spaceship or star person; it had all been a projected image used to frighten him. He then looked over toward his side – standing right next to him was the man in slacks and a dress shirt and wire-rimmed glasses. The description he gave me exactly fit the man I saw in my own vivid dream only moments before. The more evidence I got about the psychic attacks being actual, real events, the more serious I became about them. Even though I was aware that events occurring in the alternate reality were “real,” I did not yet realize the extent of their reality and connection to the physical world, but I was learning. Because of this, it became more and more difficult for attackers to affect me. For the most part, I just began to ignore them. If one managed to get through to me, I would instantly develop a defense, and these defenses, by the way, were different each time. There was nothing predictable about the way I handled new situations. The only predictable thing was my overwhelming curiosity. During a psychic attack, or even in a bad dream or nightmare, it is very important to remember that you are not in your physical body. This is the first fact to realize in order for you to overcome whatever is happening to you. From birth, we have been conditioned to believe that we are limited in our physical actions. We cannot walk through walls or fly. We cannot make objects appear or disappear with our thoughts. We are trapped in the physical world, subject to the whims of the deities 212

Overcoming Psychic Attack that rule our lives. Our minds have great difficulty in even contemplating the possibility of having the ability to create and control our own realities. Because we all have this conditioning, the easiest way to begin to defend ourselves in another reality is for our minds to realize that we are not physical, so we have no limitations. Even though this idea needs examination in itself, it is a good way to begin to overcome a negative alien abduction or psychic attack. If you are not in your physical body, you can walk through walls and you can fly. You can make any object appear or disappear with a thought. You are even free to create your own surroundings and your own experience. If your head gets cut off, just stick it back on – it’s not going to hurt you. If you fall off a cliff and hit the bottom, so what? Just get up and brush yourself off. Every psychic or sensitive person is at a constant battle with himself or herself – overcoming fear. Fear is the great killer, and everybody has some kind of fear hidden inside. In order to overcome your fear, you must face it and deal with it. Use your willpower to defeat what scares you. You are stronger than your fear, because you have created the fear yourself. It is part of you that you can lose, just like losing weight when you go on a diet. A psychic that comes to attack you will uncover your fear and use it against you. It is the first thing the attacker will look for. Your fear is your weakness. If you are afraid of heights, the psychic will sense that. The attacker can create the scene of a cliff and have you standing on it. You will be pushed off the edge and begin to plummet to your death until you realize, “Hey, I’m not in my physical body…this can’t hurt me.” If you can realize that truth, then you have many choices: you 213

Invitation to the Self can stop your fall and float gently to the bottom, you can stop your fall and shoot back up to the edge to confront the attacker, you can smash to the bottom and stand back up, you can fly away, you can make the whole scene disappear and wake up…. It is your choice. Why does the psychic want to scare you so badly? When you are terrified, it is easy to control you. You are focusing your energy on the fear instead of using it to stand and be strong. It is also very easy to get information from you. Think about it – when you are crouched down in a corner whimpering in fear, you are pretty vulnerable. What the attacker wants to do is immediately gain control over you, one way or another. The quicker the better. Please remember that most people who are sensitive or psychic are gentle, loving people who would never want to bring harm to another. Unfortunately, some sensitive people use their gifts for negative purposes. There is information being disclosed now about the government performing its own psychic testing and “military psychics” being used for purposes of remote viewing and psychic warfare. For more information on a first hand account, read Psychic Warrior by David Morehouse. These “military psychics” may be the same government psychics that investigate abductees and contactees. In a later episode of psychic attack, a couple, male and female, confronted me. They were trying to scare me into giving them information. I was in a large auditorium, sitting on some bleachers with a couple hundred other people. The two psychics, standing on the floor, in the spotlight, announced that we were all to be taken hostage, but that everything would be fine as long as I gave them the information I had “in my pocket.” This was interesting, because whenever I went to the alternate reality and found something I wanted 214

Overcoming Psychic Attack to keep, I would put it in my back pocket. Now they were actually asking for it. They said the information they were looking for concerned the star people. The threat of being taken hostage was meant to frighten me, but it did not. I stood up and hopped down the steps, landing firmly in front of the male psychic making the announcement. I asked him, “Who exactly is going to take us hostage?” He hesitated for a moment. I had expected him to say that he and his female partner were, but that’s not what came out of his mouth. Instead, he confidently exclaimed that two of my old friends, who he identified by name, were going to do the job. I blurted out, “You must be joking!” and cracked up laughing. You see, these supposed kidnappers were old friends of mine from the teenage years; bumbling clowns who walked absent-mindedly into telephone poles on occasion. The attackers’ expressions were that of surprise, and they faded from the scene as I woke up. The really intriguing thing to me is the information they wanted from my “pocket.” On numerous occasions when I was visiting another world or when I was with the star people, I would collect information and stuff it into my back pocket. Of course, I would never have the materials in the morning when I woke…or did I? My opinion on that is changing – I think the information is still there, residing within another level of my self. I believe that information may somehow be accessed. Perhaps, as I grow spiritually, I will learn how to find it again. The attempted information retrieval continued the following night. My family and I were trapped in a “haunted house,” with a rather large ghost chasing us. First of all, this was a ridiculous scenario, considering that I know a good deal about spirits and ghosts and am not afraid of 215

Invitation to the Self them. I have met lots of them during my travels in the night; being the open-minded, curious person I am, it is not difficult to run into multidimensional entities from time to time. We easily escaped the “ghost.” I then entered a dimly lit hallway and saw my mother shifting uneasily in front of a closed door. Tears streamed down her reddened face as she looked to me and dramatically exclaimed, “Oh no! The girls aren’t in their room!” Of course, I knew I could control this state of reality, so I calmly replied to her, “No mom, they’re right here,” as I swung the bedroom door open to reveal my children sleeping peacefully in their beds. By developing this form of defense against psychic attack, I came to realize that what I really needed to do was rise above the situation – if my energy was raised higher than the attacker’s energy, the attacker would not be able to touch me. I began to feel more comfortable with myself, more at peace. I started to believe that I was above the clutches of the psychic attackers and, for the most part, I was right. The number of government psychics thinned out tremendously and, eventually, the attacks almost came to a complete stop. Instead of being worried about defending myself, I dwelled on happier thoughts. Eventually, new psychics managed to reach me, and they were more powerful than what I had previously experienced…but so was I. Now this new type of attack needed a defense. While I was enjoying a vivid dream of spending time at my grandmother’s house, a knock pounded on the door. I had been relaxing, watching television and drinking my grandma’s delicious, sweet iced tea. I rose lazily from the couch, went to the door and peered out the little window through the lace curtain. Staring back at me was a rough-looking woman dressed entirely in black, wearing a 216

Overcoming Psychic Attack nasty grin on her face. Needless to say, I did not let her in. I jumped back in shock, first thinking of protecting my grandmother. I quickly ran around the house pulling down shades and making sure the windows and doors were all locked. The crazed woman began to bang on the outside walls of the house and yell. I snuck a peek through one of the miniblinds, and saw her out there, fuming with anger, her short black hair sticking out as if she had been running her hands through it in all directions. It was like a wild animal trying to escape from a cage. Instead, in this case, it was trying to get in. Grandma seemed to be oblivious to all the commotion, focused on her favorite television show…but she would not remain in her calm condition if this crazed individual managed to break into the house. Thoughts ran through my head faster than I could catch them. I was panicking. In a moment of desperation, I flung open the front door, hurled myself through, and slammed it shut, locking it in place. I ran out toward the street to lure the menace away, going so quickly that I was half-stumbling. Instantly, I found myself in a classroom setting, sitting in the back row at a desk. I looked around to see what was going on. Students were listening to a teacher who was at the front of the room near a chalkboard. Everything seemed to be okay, but I didn’t know how I had gotten there, as I was clearly not in a dream anymore, but a consciously aware experience. I had a few moments of self-composure before I saw her rise from a desk in the second row. The black-haired lunatic woman was standing there, staring at me with a malicious, evil grin. I stood as well, knowing that this was it – the showdown. Luckily, I had been able to calm myself just enough for a good idea to pop into my head and a chance to catch it. I pulled a 217

Invitation to the Self bow out of the thin air behind me, drew the string, and imagined an arrow of “white light.” I aimed at my target, which was now walking toward me at a good pace, and let it fly. I had intended for this arrow of white light to hold a small amount of positive energy and love that would temporarily raise the crazed woman’s awareness. The arrow struck her in the chest, but she kept walking. There seemed to be no change in her, at least not that she showed on her face. I had no choice but to stand and wait as she swiftly approached. With each step she took, the expression on her face changed; the evil grin turned to a soft smile, and her eyes relaxed into a confused but happy look. I took a big gulp and stood my ground, opening my arms in acceptance and forcing a smile to spread from ear to ear. By the time she reached me, it was like greeting an old friend. She was pleased to see me, and we embraced. The arrow of white light had worked, but I knew it was only temporary. I left the scene, waking in my bed. I did not see her again. After surviving a number of these trials and gaining needed experience, I began using high frequency energy to stop attackers. I developed new methods of defense on the spot, in every situation. One evening while in the alternate reality, I found myself instantly encircled by five psychics. As soon as I realized what was going on, I flew straight up and away from them. I remember thinking about what I could do to keep them away from me, then flying a good distance before returning to the ground. I walked around, inspecting the surrounding environment. I was hoping I had lost them, because I was interested in this new area that I had just spotted, which contained quaint little shops – just like I had done so many times before, I fell 218

Overcoming Psychic Attack into their little trap. I had managed to overcome fears that I had built upon since birth, but my curiosity still had me snared. I entered the nearest shop, fascinated by the various trinkets set out for sale. Little lights glowed on the shelves like faeries, and objects sparkled and drew my attention like magick. Again I thought of the attackers and tried to raise my energy enough to completely avoid them. I definitely did not want to have to deal with them now, not after finding this magickal place. I then noticed a blur rushing past the open window, and a psychic swiftly appeared in the shop. It was a rather large man, one who had been in the original group of five. Apparently, he was the only one left that I had to deal with. I closed my eyes and made myself disappear from the shop. I reappeared in a wooded area. He lost track of me for a few minutes but then found me again. He stood before me in the forest, prepared to attack. “Okay,” I said to myself, “this guy is good.” I wasn’t about to run; I had become tired of that option. Fleeting thoughts rushed through my mind, searching for a new defense. I found it. I dropped all my resistance. I relaxed my muscles, let my arms rest down at my sides, put a smile on my face and walked toward the man. With a quick step back and a dumbfounded look on his face, he dropped his defenses also. I approached him with my arms open wide in acceptance. In a moment of mixed bewilderment and love, he reached out for me and we embraced. I felt confusion coming from him but also relief and happiness. The attack had abruptly ceased with no damage done on either side. I have found that the best defense against psychic attack is to raise one’s own personal energy to a level that is nearly unapproachable. I 219

Invitation to the Self have not made it to that level of “untouchable” myself, but I am not certain it is even possible for a “reality jumper” like myself. I think the best we can do in situations of confrontation is to be as positive as we can. Love is always a great focus, if we can drop our fears and anxieties long enough to trust in it. In a different sort of experience, I was attacked one evening by a negative entity that greatly disturbed me. This did not appear to be a government psychic, but some type of creature that wanted to scare me out of my wits to steal some of my personal energy. I did not oblige. What I did then, I had never done, never even thought of doing before. It suddenly occurred to me that this entity did indeed have its own energy that it was using solely to maliciously hurt others and drain their energy. I believe this was an entity without a physical self. This creature had dragged me through a number of nightmares involving my friends and family, causing me a great deal of undue stress. When I had regained my composure, I faced the entity and, using my own blue light energy, wrapped coils, not unlike tentacles, around its body to hold it in place. I then proceeded to “disband” the creature’s energy, sending it outward to be used for other, more useful purposes. The form that had taunted me all night dissolved into the air as I watched it float off in all directions like billions of tiny white lights. One step in raising your energy is to release whatever fears you may have. This is a huge step, yes, but one that must be accomplished. If you are afraid of spiders, which many people are, you must find a way to face that fear and get over it. Think about it – WHY does that spider make you cringe? Does your reasoning actually make good 220

Overcoming Psychic Attack sense? Even if it’s poisonous, and in most cases, it is not, there is a very good probability that you will escape its clutches. Another step to take is to realize that you, and only you, are in control of your life, whether that is in the physical reality or otherwise. You have will power that you can harness. Be strong and believe in yourself. When it comes down to it, in the end, you are the only one you have left. No matter what your actions or where they lead you, you are the only person who can truly decide your path in life. You do not need to look for answers outside yourself – you have all the answers inside. Absolutely no one knows you better than you do! No one. Think about it. By having a strong belief in yourself you can accomplish any goal. A psychic attacker will have a difficult time approaching you, let alone opening up an attack. That individual had better be very sure of him or herself to step up to you. By the time you conquer your fears and decide to give yourself permission to take complete control of your life, your energy will have raised and your odds of future attack will be slim.

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Taking Control Part Two controlling the dream state

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Invitation to the Self Upon completing my psychology class, I felt a yearning for more knowledge. I enrolled in a course of study at the two-year college, focusing on psychology and sociology. It turned out to be a wonderful learning community. The teachers took time to work with students one on one in a helpful manner, providing a supportive environment conducive to growth. I became involved with academic groups, thoroughly enjoying the companionship and the overall atmosphere of people wanting to better themselves through education. By the second year of my studies I had been elected president of the Student Government Association and vice-president of Phi Theta Kappa. I had a terrific time organizing events and student activities as well as taking part in an art contest, a talent show, and a play. None of this social activity, however, changed the nocturnal visitations or psychic attacks. I still dealt with that other part of my life in a quiet way that would not interfere with my daily existence. The experiences in the alternate reality became so life-like, that sometimes, I could not tell the difference from that reality and the waking world. The only true way for me to determine which world I was in was to take control of the environment, manipulating the energy to my own will. If I was able to instantly change a setting or fly through a wall, I knew I was in the alternate reality. During this time period, I spent a night at my sister’s house. We stayed up late having fun drinking chocolate milkshakes and playing video games and cards. Around 12:30 we made our separate ways off to slumber. I washed up and got into bed, noticing a distinct “magickal” feeling, like something special was happening; there was a certain familiar feeling in the air. 224

Controlling the Dream State I dozed off and quickly found myself in the alternate reality. A man and I were just getting into a car. As I lowered myself into the driver’s seat, he slid into the passenger’s side. It was dark and I didn’t see any other people around; in fact, I didn’t see anything else. It was as if the car were the only object existing in a black hole. We were both slightly disoriented as I put the gear in drive and slowly drove forward. Consciousness flowed into me and I looked over to see my passenger. I got the impression that this man was a scientist; perhaps it was that white lab coat he was wearing. For some reason, he seemed a bit nervous. I didn’t understand why, until a spaceship flew over the car, sending him into an outright panic. He lunged across the seat and grabbed my arm, pleading with me to pull over, so I stopped the car in the quiet, deserted area through which we were driving. Then, with sweat dripping down his red face, he anxiously whispered, “hold very still” (so the aliens wouldn’t see us, I assume), which I went along with just to make him feel better. Of course, that tactic wasn’t a huge success…. I tried to calm him down, as I was not the slightest bit afraid or nervous, but it did no good. The man was frantic. At that point, I noticed a small group of star people walking toward us. The man beside me suddenly became quiet. Approaching with caution, and bending down to peer into the car, about five cream-colored star people stopped at my door. I got out and walked with them to their ship. As far as I know, the man stayed where he was in the car. This part is a little blurry in my memory. The only thing I really remember is the thought that some type of operation was done to my brain! I saw a bright flash and found myself back in the front seat of the car. I held an image in my mind of a beautiful totem pole on which various animals where climbing in a spiral fashion. 225

Invitation to the Self I started driving again. The scientist was still in the car with me, now sitting quietly. I drove the car to a place where he and I were supposed to do some work. This was a wooded area with a hidden driveway. We pulled up in front of a white building, and I convinced him to walk inside with me. “C’mon, it’s okay. Nobody’s going to bother us.” He didn’t seem to believe me, but he didn’t want me to leave him alone, either. There was no one else to be seen. I briefly scanned the surrounding trees and then turned toward the lonely building. The scientist followed as I led him down a hallway and to a room that I inexplicably knew we should enter. I looked up as I entered and saw, on the far wall, a picture of the same beautiful totem pole entwined with various animals. At that point, I felt a change in my mind. Somehow, there was a difference, and I wondered what kind of operation I had gone through. I then noticed a gilded chair in front of the totem pole, gold with a velvet cushion seat, much like a throne. A young girl with long blonde hair suddenly moved across the room to take a seat on the throne. The scientist and I just stared at each other with our mouths hanging open. We both knew we were in the presence of someone extraordinary. This girl was very special, like a queen. I explained that to the scientist, although I don’t think he really needed the lowdown. It gets confusing again here – the girl also had an operation done to her brain, and the scientist was quite appalled at the idea. He thought it was unthinkable and a horrible thing to do. I went on to explain that the girl had made this choice herself, and wanted to have the operation done in order to be able to do something very special with her life. It seemed, in a way, that the girl I was seeing was me.

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Controlling the Dream State As I was explaining all this to the scientist, sparks of energy began to shoot from my fingertips. I was quite surprised, at first, but then I thought it was pretty cool. It was like Fourth of July sparklers. The sparks were mostly colored white and silver, but then a whole rainbow of colors flowed forth. The scientist was staring at me in disbelief. He had a terrible look on his face, as though he’d had quite enough for one night. My fingers had never actually spontaneously burst into sparks of energy before, but I accepted the idea and let it flow. Even though I really wanted to let loose with it, because I could feel that energy wanting to explode, I tried not to make the sparks too large, knowing the man was frightened and I was just scaring him even more. Upon waking the next morning, I remembered rousing from my sleep a few times during the night. The first time, I looked out the front window, from my bed, and saw a bright light shining down on the street. I explained this to myself as the streetlight. However, upon careful inspection that morning and then the next night, it was certain that the bright light I saw could not have been the streetlight. First of all, it was in the wrong spot – the actual streetlight was a bit further down the road. Secondly, this light was shining from a more elevated spot in the sky and was quite brilliant and focused. The second time I woke during the night, I saw a large, blazing ball of reddish-orange fire in the woods that I explained to myself as “the setting moon.” Obviously, I was mistaken about that as well. I asked my sister how she slept that night. She replied that she hadn’t slept too well, as loud noises on the roof kept waking her all night, but she never felt enough energy to get out of bed to investigate.

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Invitation to the Self This time in my life was a turning point. I was gaining more confidence in the waking world and in other realities as well. Lifelong goals that I had strived to achieve in my dreams for years and years, I was now able to accomplish. For example: horseback riding in my dreams. I had always loved horses and had ridden a few times in the waking world but, for some reason, in my dreams I was never able to catch a horse and get on its back. For years, I worked my way up to being near one and finally getting close enough to reach out and grab it, but I could not get on. Trying to analyze the situation, I believe it had something to do with my own spiritual growth and reaching a level at which I had control and was in touch with my higher self. Step by monotonously slow step, I was able to get on the horse’s back, but would then be promptly dismounted. Finally, after about 20 years of failed attempts, I was able to calmly approach a horse, climb on and ride. Interestingly, after I had done it a few times, the novelty wore off and I went on to other things. My flying skill had also developed, now becoming a pure joy. It still took concentration, but not like before. Flying became almost second nature. I was able to hop up and float in the air anytime, anywhere. When I wanted to fly, I would jump up and soar across the sky with little effort. Years of practice where now paying off.

Throughout this book I have spoken of dreams, out-of-body experiences, and the alternate reality. In order to dispel any confusion about the differences and similarities between these types of events, I will elaborate further: 228

Controlling the Dream State •

Dreams – We dream of possibilities, hopes, and fears. Our dreams are subconscious images working their way through conscious interpretation, filled with symbolic meaning. Dreams may give insight to help guide us through our daily lives; dreaming is a time to rest and consider life. Some dreams are more vivid and detailed than others. Some are in first-person view and some are seen from another perspective as though one were watching a movie. Dreams come in black and white, and also in color. One’s state of mind may have a direct effect on what types of dreams one has, but no matter what type of dream it may be, a dream is just a dream. It does not allow the same conscious state of awareness attainable during out-of-body experience or an astral plane event.

•

OBE – Out-of-Body Experience takes place on the astral plane. This type of event involves one level of the self, namely the astral self, separating from the physical body and bringing consciousness with it. This type of experience allows for spiritual growth and knowledge of the self. It is not normally associated with the mundane issues of daily life, but daily events may bring an OBE on. The astral plane may appear similar to the physical plane at first sight, but objects will shift about and even mirror the physical world, moving the wall of a room to the opposite side or setting it at a strange angle. The energy may be more easily manipulated than in the physical world, but not as easily as when in a dream. You can float through a wall, but you will feel the density and thickness of what your astral body passes through. Unlike dreams, using energy to create or destroy in the astral plane takes a greater 229

Invitation to the Self deal of concentration and effort. The process takes a little longer and requires more focused energy on your part. •

The Alternate Reality – The alternate reality is entirely different. This is where abductees and contactees typically meet the star people. In this type of experience, calm control and focus is what matters. Before trying to slip through a solid wall, you must think clearly and set it in your mind, but when it is done, it is amazing, because your state of awareness is very similar to a waking state of consciousness. By forming a clear thought and focusing it in your mind, you can accomplish anything. It is a matter of belief in yourself and knowing that you are in control. However, the art of energy manipulation does not come easily; it requires much practice. What happens in the alternate reality will ultimately affect the physical world and the other levels of the self.

In 1997 I graduated from the community college with my Associate in Arts and Science Degree. I delivered the valedictory address to my graduating class and received three standing ovations – I was quite pleased with the whole thing, needless to say. Still, I wanted more. I saw my horizons broadening and I knew that education was the key. I optimistically applied to a prestigious four-year college and was accepted. In 1998 my family and I relocated to live near my new college. It was an exciting adventure for all of us. Being interested in psychology and sociology with a growing interest in cultures around the world, I decided to major in cultural anthropology. Human behavior, including 230

Controlling the Dream State my own, was fascinating to me. And theories of the origin of life and humankind’s development over the ages were quite intriguing. Anthropology is the study of human origin, development, and behavior. I think the anthropologist Clyde Kluckhohn sums up my feelings about the subject best with this quote: "Anthropology is the science of human similarities and differences. It provides a scientific basis for dealing with the crucial dilemma of the world today: how can peoples of different appearance, mutually unintelligible languages, and dissimilar ways of life get along peaceably together?" It seems only appropriate that I should be interested in understanding different cultures and ways of life, considering my “multicultural” experiences with the star people. I didn’t join any social groups within the college, as I desired to focus strictly on my studies, learning as much as possible. I did, however, meet three times a week with a group of older, “nontraditional” students for lunch and to hang out, talk, watch television, or study. I also took part in activities outside the school setting. Bryan and I both volunteered our time leading ceremonies at the local Unitarian Universalist church, a place that recognizes and respects all religious views. Bryan worked not only as a chef but also as a lifeguard, and I did archaeology and spent a lot of time swimming – one of my favorite sports. My state of mind in dreams and in the alternate reality was sharper than it had ever been. My focus was clear, meaning that I had a good deal of control in the way the dream or experience went. Even though dreams do not allow the same level of conscious awareness as the alternate reality, the energy in both may be directed and altered to suit

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Invitation to the Self one’s desire. And, as I mentioned already, at times it was difficult to discern which reality I was in. One morning, around 6:30 or 7 a.m., I was lying in bed trying to go back to sleep. I had been awake for a while and didn’t have to get up quite yet, so I wanted more rest if I could find it. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I decided that since I was lying there feeling bored and did not have to start my day yet, I would go out-of-body and visit some friends of mine. At that point, traveling without my physical body was no big deal. I did my visiting and then returned to my body. I was still lying on the bed when I noticed a rather strange sensation on my forehead, as though I could feel my “third eye.” I could almost see a triangular shape there when I closed my eyes. I kept my eyes shut for a few minutes, trying to get a better look at the shape on my head and feel the sensation there. The next thing I knew, I was getting up out of the bed and walking into the kitchen. Bryan was just coming in the front door. I was surprised, since he usually gets up very early to leave for work, and would not come back home this soon. Nonetheless, I was happy to see him, so I smiled and asked, “Why are you home so early?” He casually replied, “I came back to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” and no more explanation than that. He stepped into the kitchen and walked toward the food cabinet. I examined his movements, as something felt out of place. I was confused but went along with it, taking a seat at the kitchen table. Looking around me, I saw that things were a little different than they should have been; everything seemed to be in its proper place and functioning normally, but a sneaking suspicion tugged at my senses. I felt like I was wide-awake, but I wasn't quite sure that I was. I turned 232

Controlling the Dream State to Bryan again and asked, "Am I awake? Are you really here?" He looked up with a grin on his face and said, "Yes!" as he continued making his sandwich. I slowly rose from my seat, scanning the house, now relying only on my inner self for true answers. My interest drew me to the window, which revealed intensely bright colors in clear and sharp detailed images unlike anything I had ever seen in the physical world. Standing water in the backyard was a beautiful, vivid blue color. I then realized this was not my normal waking reality, and I woke myself up. A few months later, I had a similar experience. Before going to bed that night, I felt the star people nearby. I didn’t do anything to prepare for them but, during the night, I decided to get out of bed and walk around. As I passed through the dining room, the lights went out. As I went through the kitchen and living room, the lights went out in those rooms as well. All the electricity in house was shutting down. My only concern was the fish tank – I had tropical fish at the time, and I knew they needed their heat and oxygen bubbles working. I looked over to the aquarium and saw that it was still functioning, electricity still on. It was the only thing that still had electricity. I checked the light switches and the refrigerator, wondering why everything was off except for the fish tank. I then thought about how this (electrical abnormality) happens quite often during visitations. I was confused about what world I was in, but I figured that my star friends were around, so I wasn’t worried. In the morning, I went to check the fish tank, first thing. The temperature was way higher than it should have been - a whopping 86 degrees Fahrenheit! I quickly removed the heater and the lid of the tank and poured some cold water in. Luckily, no fish were hurt from 233

Invitation to the Self the incident. What was similar to the previous experience, when Bryan came home early to make a sandwich, was the acute level of conscious awareness in a reality other than the physical. The year 2000 was my last year of college. I took a strong interest in indigenous cultures with a focus on Native American Indians. I had taken part in and conducted anthropological field research already, including archaeology. For my senior research, I wanted to work with the local Native American Indians and write a sort of “ethnohistory” about the people and their culture. My professor and I both knew this project would be a lot of work, that is, if I could even manage to get the people to talk to me. I contacted the tribe’s senior clan mother and then waited for months with no reply. I tried several times to open a line of communication, but it was not time yet. Finally, when I was beginning to wonder if I should change my research topic, I received a call from her. She invited me to a tribal meeting and a sweatlodge. First I had to assure her there would be no archaeological “digging up of her ancestors,” as some anthropologists tend to do. She said that she had been praying for months and talking to the other council members of the tribe about my project. They had to make sure that everyone in the tribe and the spirits agreed with it. Fortunately for me, I was allowed in. My time spent with the Native people was wonderful. I attended tribal meetings, sweatlodges, and other types of ceremonies. I felt honored and privileged, as my whole family was accepted into the tribe as good friends. I conducted private interviews with a few of the tribal members, including the Chief. During his interview, I quietly and respectfully asked if he knew about the star people. He began to tell 234

Controlling the Dream State me about special pieces of meteorite that had fallen from the sky and how they called them “star people.” I turned my tape recorder off and looked at him in all seriousness and said, “I’m not talking about meteors….” He stared into my eyes for a few moments and with a warm smile replied, “Yes, I know of the star people. My ancestors came from the Stars…from the Pleiades.” We smiled at each other in a knowing way. My research with the Native people ended with an ethnohistory, including archaeological evidence, participant observation, interviews, and a timeline and map of their history and movement from place to place. The project had been very successful, and I hoped it had been helpful for them to have the information recorded. I did not forget how the “Indians” had helped me in my alternate reality experiences, and it made me feel a connection to the Native people involved with this project. In fact, as they say, I believe “we are all related.” I graduated from college in the year 2000 with a BA in Anthropology and decided to spend time working on this book. It was not an easy decision, as I desired to find a good-paying job in the field of anthropology. Instead, my family and I returned to our quiet home. That way, we were near our extended families, in an environment we were used to – a slow-paced life perfect for writing a book. I got a part-time job and spent my other days homeschooling and writing. I only saw the star people sporadically, with large lapses between visits. They were staying away, just as they had said they would after my graduation from their school. I did not like it much, because I missed seeing them. At the same time, I knew they were busy with their work, so I tried not to complain. I still knew they would hear me if I spoke aloud to them, but I did not want to bother them. I was 235

Invitation to the Self patiently waiting for the time when we would be together again, and somehow, I knew that the energies of the Earth were changing and that I would see the star people again soon. In October of 2000 I dreamt a vivid scene in which a virus was intentionally being dispersed around the world. It was spreading so quickly, people were getting sick and dying before anything could be done about it. I quickly gathered my family members and asked an elderly gentleman for help. He told me that in order to escape from the chaos, I would need to spend time in confinement. I went down a hallway to a closed door. It was appropriately labeled “confinement,” so I went inside. I stayed there for a while and eventually found a way outside. Upon exiting the room, I looked up to the sky and saw the sun shining down over the moon, which was shining down over another object. Three bodies this time. I knew it was an important sign. I could not make out what the third object was, but the shape seemed to be of another large round body, like that of a planet. I had new symbolism to figure out, but this would take a while. I did not understand these messages and images in the sky. In the spring of the following year, I was sitting on a bed of tiny flowers with a star person in an alternate reality event. We were looking at a photo album together. As usual, it was filled with pictures of me throughout the years. The star person turned and said to me, “You need to use everything you’ve learned now – you’ve been training for this since you were a baby.” I understood what he was saying on one level; I knew I had been going through some rigorous training…the problem was that I did not know what it was all for!

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Controlling the Dream State The star people, my friends, had basically left me; at least, that’s how I felt about it. Left me to continue on my own…but what exactly was I continuing? It seemed like it was important, whatever it was. I knew I felt compelled to help abductees, but there seemed to be something even more. There was the persistent threat from government psychics, which I had begun to overcome. Indeed, my focus had turned from trying to figure out the star people and visitations to defending myself and trying to figure out the government involvement! I also knew that the world was changing, as I watched my visions come true and, unfortunately, many of them were filled with despair. The star people had proven to be benevolent beings. I believe our relationship had been a symbiotic one of give and take, learning from each other. I had graduated from their school and was pushed out the front doors to face the world on my own. All I had to do now was determine what I was facing. The year 2001 brought dreams and experiences of confidence and control. Anything I could imagine, I could bring about. I had learned to propel myself through alternate realities, vanishing and reappearing in flashes of white light. The possibilities were endless, and I knew this. Anything I could imagine I could bring to life. In one vivid experience, I was standing in an old, large room, like a warehouse, with my husband and two daughters. An intense silence closed in around us. It seemed it had been deserted for some time, with thick dust and cobwebs draping from the corners of the tall ceiling. The walls were lined with dusty shelves that held boxes and boxes of toys. These wooden shelves stretched imposingly all the way up to the towering ceiling and there was no ladder or other means to 237

Invitation to the Self reach the higher racks. My youngest daughter asked me if I could get a box of toys for her, one that was nearly touching the ceiling. I leaned my head back to bring it into view. With a strong sense of determination and a concentrated thought, I levitated the box from the top shelf and floated it down to her. I came to the conscious realization that I could grab and move anything with purely mental energy; thought. I contemplated changing the contents of the box. “What kind of toy do you want?” I asked her. “I want a jump rope!” With another mindful thought, I successfully accomplished the feat and watched her pull a rope from the box. My mind began to ponder the limitless possibilities. “Hey! Do you want to go to Mexico?” Everyone nodded in anticipation as I focused my energy to transport us to the beach, and there we were, ready to take a dip in the warm waters of the Gulf! I excitedly investigated my surroundings, noting that we were, indeed, in Mexico where I had wanted us to be. I was absolutely thrilled with this discovery – the freedom of being able to change any situation with a thought. Another evening I dreamt I was taking part in a ritual in which I had to scale a brick wall and touch the sun. The task seemed a bit daunting, but I decided to take the challenge. The wall was made of three sections. The two end sections were solid, but the middle had been a doorway that had been closed over long ago. I climbed up the face of the wall, which was difficult, as the footholds were only small protrusions jutting outward. When I reached the top of the wall I extended an arm toward the sun. It flew down from the sky and brilliantly absorbed into my chest. The doorway opened and I proudly walked through.

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Controlling the Dream State The very next night, I was in the alternate reality meeting with a king. He was in his castle, which was positioned on the edge of a towering cliff. I joined him on a balcony overlooking a beautiful, unspoiled land of colorful forests and rivers winding through mountains. As I stood there with him, looking out over the beauty that lay before us, I felt a promise of opportunity filling my heart with a surge of abounding joy. Without warning, I jumped from the balcony as the king yelled out and gasped in amazement as he watched me plummet to the bottom far below. I aimed straight for the ground, flying head first with arms and hands stretched out behind me, laughing all the way. The joy in my heart was indescribable. Instead of smashing into the ground, I waited until I was about five feet away, then slowed and floated to the side like a leaf falling from a tree. This was the first time in my life I had attempted this little trick, or even thought of it, for that matter. The self-confidence I experienced enabled me to raise my energy up a notch, to a level I had not previously known possible…to be so carefree, to attempt any action, and to achieve true freedom – freedom from fear. Throughout the years of experience with the star people, I had learned, step by step, how to confront my fears and take control of them. I do not mean to say that nothing ever frightens me anymore or that I am like a solid brick of non-emotion. I do get scared, but when I get scared now, I use the fear as a warning to be alert and to stay calm. Instead of letting emotions overcome me, I try to use them as the tools they should be. I have learned that behind the fear is valuable information. To remain calm and observe why there is fear leads to greater understanding. Most of the time, this understanding enables 239

Invitation to the Self realization to come forth - that my fear originated in ignorance on my part; that I was afraid simply because I did not understand. The psychic attacks had temporarily come to a standstill. I had raised my energy so much in such a short amount of time, I was not affected by any attempts made. This was a relaxing time for me to just enjoy the skills I had learned, and it was a time to experiment with them as well. I was able to enter and control dreams with minimal concentration. The alternate reality became a whole new world to me – one that I could not only control if I needed to, having the new level of awareness that I did, it also allowed me to see amazing things that were probably there all the time but had gone unnoticed. However, with the newfound level of awareness, I had become a bit slack with the psychic defense issue. I had been above the possibility of attack for so long that I had almost forgotten how to deal with it. As you may have guessed, my eyes were reopened for me. I should know by now that whenever a doorway is opened, new obstacles present themselves in order for the experiencer to learn more and progress even further. In this unexpected event, I was confronted by a group of entities that were nothing like anything I had seen before. I was taken off guard, not even realizing what was happening at first. I was just gaining consciousness in the alternate reality, trying to focus my eyes and pull myself into awareness. I could barely make out movement before me - something unnatural was working its way into my vision. The action was sinuous and flowing as figures of shadow wormed their way up from the ground on all sides. Unsure, I stood my ground, not knowing what to expect. A blow came from my right side and then from the left. I almost lost balance but was hit from the front and 240

Controlling the Dream State straightened myself. The entities continued their barrage, making eerie noises in an attempt to frighten me. More than anything, it was beginning to irritate me, so I woke myself up. I thought about the situation for a few minutes and felt angry about being bullied. I just could not understand why any entity would feel the need to attack someone who was happily floating around, not meaning harm to any creature. I decided to go back into the other world and teach them a lesson. I pondered the possibilities for a little while, knowing that I was tired and did not have a great deal of energy to fight with. As the thoughts ran through my mind, I realized it did not matter how much energy I had to spare; what mattered was the quality of the energy. I reentered the alternate reality and found the bullies immediately. Utilizing just a little bit of the energy I had, I encircled myself with a bubble of blue light. I then imagined that a whip-like tentacle was attached to this bubble. When the entities rushed forward to attack me, the whip grabbed them one by one, pulling them toward my blue energy. Upon contact with my energy bubble, the entity’s own energy dispersed, causing the form to disintegrate and the energy particles to float into the air to be used in another place. Upon completing my mission, I suddenly felt a presence behind me. At once, I turned to see five military helicopters hovering behind me, observing. I woke. Had it all been a set-up in order for someone to observe my attack/defense methods? A few nights later, I found myself aboard a UFO. This was quite strange, as it seemed that the UFO occupants were not the ones that had transported me there – it appeared that my curiosity had done that for me. These star people were unlike any I had seen before, with an 241

Invitation to the Self insect-like appearance and a not-so-happy-to-see-you attitude. I walked down a corridor, passing numerous star people who stopped and stared at me, wondering why I was there, or maybe how I had gotten there. I even saw a familiar-looking, small star person with grey skin and big black eyes. I almost stopped and gave him a friendly pat on the head, but quickly thought better of it and stopped myself. Finally, an insect-like female approached and indifferently asked if she could help me. I asked for something to eat. She tilted her head in confusion, like a dog sometimes does, then turned and walked off. She came back with what looked like ice cream, and I gladly accepted it. The next thing I knew, I was sitting with her at a table, doing a puzzle. This puzzle was a matching kind, comparing the human skeleton and insect-type star person skeleton. After attempting this puzzle without much luck, well…you know me – I got bored so I started walking around the ship again. At that point I woke up and thought they probably got tired of me and sent me away! Because I had grown spiritually, my experiences were changing. Even though I had always been curious around the star people, there had been a sense of uncertainty at times. Now there was never any anxiety or fear. I walked among them confidently, knowing I was free to do as I chose. I was happy to see them, always smiling, often chuckling. They had a difficult time getting me to hold still – not that I didn’t want to comply; my curiosity had always gotten the best of me, and having control in that alternate reality made it even worse. I was fascinated; enthralled with being so free and aware of the possibilities of life. Nevertheless, the star people had a fascination for me just as I had for them. The feelings were mutual, and I imagine that is why the

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Controlling the Dream State insect-type star people at least humored me by taking time out to do a learning puzzle. After that point, when I did see the star people, it was only to hear words of encouragement and warnings of impending danger. I was to be on the lookout, to watch for the signs they had given me. It was confusing, because I didn’t know what to take literally. I didn’t know how to decipher those visions in the alternate reality to make them fit life in the material world. Still, I remained alert to all possibilities, keeping an open mind. On August 20, 2002 I experienced another psychic attack in the alternate reality. I was standing in the living room when a woman entered the front door. It was an older lady, wearing a very nonthreatening dress, decorated with lace and flowers – something a grandmother might wear. Her hair was short and curly, greyish in color. She was also wearing a pearl necklace. Immediately, I knew what she was and I adjusted myself accordingly, pretending to be her friend but ready for anything on the inside. She offered me the opportunity to wear her necklace. Approaching me cautiously, she unclasped it from around her own neck and then adamantly looped it around mine. I distinctly heard her thoughts in my mind, and I knew the necklace had some type of tracking device embedded in the silver clasp. Satisfied with her work, she walked out the front door, and I proceeded to make my way to the bathroom. I removed the pearl necklace and wrapped it around the base of the toilet. I’m not sure why I did that...I think it was something about the device not being able to pick up any signals around the porcelain base. I slipped in and out of consciousness inside the experience, eventually “coming to” on a couch near the window. I was still in the 243

Invitation to the Self alternate reality. I sat up and looked out the window, astounded to see a multitude of “tornadoes” rising from people’s homes and disappearing into the clouds above. Somehow, from the depths of my mind, came the realization of what was going on, and boy, did I get angry. Propping myself up to face the outside, I let out a deep growl; a sound that resonated from my chest and throat, sending out an intense, deep vibration that momentarily disrupted and broke the tornadoes apart. They did not reach into every house, but select homes. I knew what they were and I was furious. Streams of energy waves spiraled upward toward a central source, such as a satellite. The embedded chips under people’s skin made it easy for the government to track and monitor every movement they made. Most people slept soundly in their beds, quite unaware of what was happening to them and around them; they had no clue that radio transmitters implanted in their own bodies were collecting and sending information on a regular basis. The elderly psychic lady reentered the room as I slowly rose from the couch. I glared at her with images of “tornadoes” shining in my eyes. She jumped back and cringed in a corner, holding her hands up to her face. I released the image and smiled, leaving her very uncertain about what to do. She quickly fled. I had been dreaming of these thin tornado-like shapes for years, never sure of what they were. Now I had seen a disturbing picture of what could actually be the truth – the implanted devices were indeed used by the “secret government” to keep track of and attempt to control sensitive people through psychic attack. 244

Controlling the Dream State People who come up with new thoughts and ideas that may cause others around them to ask questions are seen as a threat to the secret government and actually, to society as a whole. These people are sought out and attempts are made to coerce them into conforming and living “comfortable” lives, not disturbing the boundaries of our bubble-like world, leaving the shell intact and under control. It doesn’t even matter who it is or on what level…even members of your own family can shoot down your “far out” ideas. Your neighbors, groups you belong to (church, school, etc.) – these are the people that usually accomplish the feat of making you conform. However, if that doesn’t work, the job has to be taken care of by others such as this secret government. Obviously, if you get too out of hand and no one else can control you, you have become a threat. Whatever this secret government is, it wants to keep power more than anything. It wants to keep the human population in control with as little resistance as possible. This is why they have used holographic images of star people and fake alien suits to confuse people like myself who normally perceive the star people as being friendly. Much to my surprise, I encountered a visit from the secret government not even a week after seeing the ugly truth about the tracking devices. For the first time ever, I was approached by this group with an openness that was quite disturbing. Not only did they confirm for me that this elite project does exist, they made an effort to gain my trust and my “membership.” The encounter began in a dream-like state. I was hanging out in a small café with about eight members of an exclusive club. This brought back memories of college sororities and fraternities, but not exactly – this club was a profound example of what corruption and 245

Invitation to the Self money can bring an individual. Even though the people seated around me were happy and friendly toward me, my empathic skill told me they were playing a little game that I could not figure out right away. I tried to go along with the situation while I analyzed it. The group was comprised mostly of men; in fact, I did not see any females. They were planning a “hunting trip,” and wanted to know if I would join them. They laughed and drank, told jokes, and seemed to be having a great time. I was confused about their intentions. They seemed to be sincere, but there was an underlying deception that I could not pinpoint. I showed interest, as my curiosity was nagging at me, but never gave them an answer. I did want to join them in the hunt, although I was not sure what they were hunting. I held back as they left the café. I watched them leave, and I sat there for a short while, pondering the invitation. I decided that I wanted to go. I left the café and proceeded to make my way through the alternate reality until I found them near a wooded area, preparing for the hunt. At this point, the dream had become a reality; an awareness that I was fully conscious of. I approached them from behind, but they already seemed to know I was coming. A few of them turned to smile and urged me to join them. I was handed a bow and two arrows. I then looked down and noticed that I was standing in about three feet of snow. Almost in slow motion, as if I were very unsure about what I was doing, I held the bow in my left hand, grabbed the string with the fingers of my right, and stretched my arm to its full reach. I had wanted to practice pulling the bowstring to get used to the draw of the bow. When I pulled the string back, it snapped. The snow 246

Controlling the Dream State began to fall harder as I lost awareness of that reality and woke in my bed. A feeling of bewilderment overcame me. I sat in awe, unable to decipher the event that had just taken place. Never before had I felt this energy…in this type of situation. I had experienced the feel of this group before, during some psychic attacks and then whenever I saw the “eyeball.” Heaviness fell around me and a chill ran up my spine as the thought scrolled across the front of my brain like a neon billboard, “What you call the ‘secret government’ has just invited you to join.” Boy oh boy, did I feel like I was being pulled from all sides. On Christmas morning 2002, I entered the alternate reality to meet with a very, very old friend. This event was extremely real and brought forth deep emotions that I did not know were within me. This was a one-of-a-kind meeting with someone I had not seen in ages. The bright energy in his eyes shone past the wrinkles and leathery skin to reveal my friend who I had not seen in so long…not in this lifetime, that is for sure. Layered cloth enrobed him, covering his 4-foot-tall being, making him look somewhat like Yoda. His intelligence and wisdom filled the air around us, and I bathed in it and soaked in as much as I could. I had recalled him being a type of scientist; in fact, we had been working together on a project that was not yet complete. My excitement turned to laughter and then tears as I recalled the bond between us and the closeness we had felt for so long; one that I had consciously forgotten. I could not believe I had been able to forget something so important. Apparently, he couldn’t either. In a surge of exhilaration I blurted words from my mouth that came out in a jumbled mess. I slowed down and tried again, forming the words in my mind, but uttered babbling sounds that made no sense to either of 247

Invitation to the Self us. He tried to speak as well, but the results were the same. We were no longer able to communicate with speech. Something had happened to the air around us; a change in the atmosphere, perhaps a vibrational change that prevented us from performing actions we had been used to in the past. It quickly became clear that our communication had been drastically limited to sight and touch only. I was filled with despair, as I rushed to think of a better way for us to share information. I knew that our time together would be brief, and the thought of not seeing him again for another lifetime filled me with dread. I touched his face as we shared feelings of recognition and love. Then I remembered what I had done so many times before, and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. Although this was not a clear communication either, it did let us confer with each other that the experiment we were working on was still in progress. He had come to gather a kind of progress report. I then realized that my position in this project was one of participantobservation; I was the one out “in the field” while the others were in safer, more familiar locations. The experiment had something to do with communication between the worlds. My friend seemed to think I had full conscious knowledge of what was going on, but the truth of the matter was that I was just recalling it as he relayed the information to me. I was shocked and embarrassed at how easy it had been for me to forget. I tried my best to stay calm and clear-headed. It was very plain to me there was not much time left for our project. As we embraced one last time, he began to fade from my view and I wondered in anguish if I would see him again during this lifetime or if I would have to wait 248

Controlling the Dream State until I passed over into the next world. I felt very alone as we were slowly ripped from each other and separated once again by the distance between worlds. I slowly faded from the experience and woke in my bed, sobbing. I sat upright, practically wailing, with deep and long breaths that seemed to permeate my entire being. Sadness filled me as I thought about the friend who I had not seen in ages, and whom I could not communicate with now. Bryan woke up and held me as I mournfully related the experience to him. Three flashes of lightning filled the early morning Christmas sky, and I watched a small white light flashing in the neighbor’s yard until it blinked out of existence.

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Taking Control Part Three energy manipulation

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Invitation to the Self You have a choice. You can take control of your life or you can let your life control you. Think about the things that really matter to you. Imagine for a moment that you have six months left to live your life. What would you do? Would you be worried about what others thought of you? Would peer pressure hold sway? Or would you leap at the chance to live your life as fully as possible? To make your dreams come true? In order to gain control of your life, you have to think about these things. You need to reach into your heart, think about the people you love, and think about what kind of difference you want to make in the world. What kind of mark do you want to leave? Many of the dreams people have, they let go. Perhaps it is because they believe the dreams are too difficult to attain or perhaps it is a matter of being afraid of facing the ridicule of others. Instead, we go to our 9-5 jobs, day in and day out, same boring, sense-dulling rigmarole every day - stuff that doesn’t even matter. Is that what you really want to accomplish during your lifetime? Do yourself a favor and break out of that shell! Use that energy you have stored inside of you. You know it’s there…it has been waiting there for you to open up to it. All it needs is a crack in the shell and a little push to break through. We are made of energy and we require energy to survive. In fact, our entire world is completely made of energy. So…if we could regulate this energy, could we not regulate our world? This just happened to occur to me while I was first caught up in the alternate reality, realizing that I was more than my physical self. I was consciously aware of my surroundings, I could move my head and look at whatever I wanted to, and I developed logical thoughts…but I 252

Energy Manipulation was not in the physical world - that was clear. The laws of physics were not in effect. My rational mind focused on this fact and I began to wonder, “If I’m not in the physical world, do I still have to abide by the rules of the physical world?” So, I tried something. I tried to fly. I was just a kid then, but I had always wanted to experience that freedom, to run and jump into the rushing wind, take flight and soar like an eagle. I felt that somehow, if I was persistent and I pushed hard enough, I would be able to accomplish this feat. I used to run around flapping my arms all the time, pretending I was flying. My parents have a videotape of my cousins and me playing in the backyard on a hot summer day. We were jumping in and out of the pool, splashing each other and laughing, and I was there flapping my arms, flying through the warm air, my feet every now and then leaping off the ground, allowing me to temporarily take flight. I was happy and I didn’t care what anyone else thought about it – I knew that somehow I would learn to fly. I never doubted it. When I discovered this other reality, one in which I was awake but not limited in my movements, I took a chance and tried my seemingly impossible idea. I jumped up and down, flapping my arms with great determination, and what happened then changed me forever. For a few short seconds, I was floating in midair. It was almost like swimming; the air was thick like water, and the more I jumped and flapped, the more progress I made, even though it was exhausting and time consuming. Although I was in another reality, I was still made of energy, and everything around me was made of energy. I kept trying the jumping and flapping technique until it dawned on me that I could utilize a 253

Invitation to the Self different movement. It took years for me to simply have the thought to just jump up into the air one time and float there weightlessly. It took a great deal of concentration to power the thought, and this required energy, but the more I practiced this new thought, the easier it became. Nowadays I simply have the intent to fly and, without much effort, I am soaring through the skies. When you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything. When you are able to realize that you and your entire environment are created with energy, you can alter the energy any way you want. We already know that energy can be harnessed and directed – take electricity for example. The same goes for the energy that runs throughout our bodies. This energy can be harnessed, directed, and controlled by concentrated thought. This is a fact that many people know but do not acknowledge. Let me give you an example: In late 2001, I started having painful heart palpitations. I had always had a slight heart murmur, but nothing so serious as to cause the sudden pain and discomfort I began to experience then. It got to the point where just about anything could trigger these palpitations, and I was concerned about having a heart attack. I made an appointment with a cardiologist. We were to meet at the hospital where I would undergo a series of tests to discover the problem. A few days before my scheduled appointment, I had an encounter. In my earliest dream of the night, I was walking through my house, looking out the windows periodically to see if anyone was coming. I was waiting for someone to arrive. At about 3 a.m. I woke with a slight feeling of alarm but was not sure why. Bryan had also gotten up. I sensed that something was going on, so I went to check on my 254

Energy Manipulation daughters. They were fine, but apparently restless, one with her blankets kicked off. I pulled them back over her and put protective white light around both of them. I walked back to my bedroom and said to Bryan, “Isn’t it strange how we both woke up at the same time?” Then the town’s fire alarm went off and I felt a little frightened. After about 20 minutes, I went back to sleep. As my eyes began to focus, I saw a very weird “cat.” He was a silvery-grey color with large black eyes and no tail. He was extremely intelligent and informed me that he had to stay on his silvery metal “island” or he would die. So, I went there with him. On this island was a teacher, whom I recognized. She was an older lady, with large glasses and thin white hair. I wandered off to explore this island filled with numerous small chambers. Each time I entered a room, a different entity was there to check an organ of my body, taking it out of me and, with great attention, thoroughly looking it over and then putting it back into place. I am not sure if they were star people or not; they almost felt like spirits. The heart was saved for last. Upon inspection, the entities all agreed there was no physical damage to my body. When I came to the last remaining room, a little girl approached me and said, “Your heart has a small electrical device in it that controls the energy impulses. This device is not working properly; your heart is not receiving a steady flow of electricity. This is an energy problem.” I was shown a symbol of a spiral that was more square than circular. I asked her how I could fix it and she replied, “meditation.” I woke up repeating these words in my mind: “Your problem is electrical.” The day before my hospital visit, I met with an astrologer friend of mine who does psychic readings. She spent over an hour with me and 255

Invitation to the Self decided there was nothing wrong; she could see no physical ailment and expected my examination with the cardiologist to go very well. I then told her about my experience with the “spirits” and the spiral symbol I was shown. She suggested I draw the symbol on a piece of paper and put it under my pillow that night and ask what it meant. Well, I drew the spiral-type symbol on paper and placed it under my pillow and asked the spirits to tell me the meaning of the symbol. I went into a dream and was briefly met by the same entities I had seen previously. They yelled at me like I was stupid, saying, “It means electricity!” I laughed to myself in amusement and woke up feeling assured. I was, however, still having sudden bursts of severe pain in my chest that caught my breath and made me still with fear. I was now facing my fears in the physical world, not the alternate reality where I had “power” to control my surroundings. I went to the hospital and had the tests done, experiencing painful palpitations the entire time. The cardiologist studied the data and finally said, “It’s an electrical problem.” He concurred that there was not actually a physical problem that could be fixed. I was later mailed a bill for approximately $2,000. That same evening my family and I went out to dinner to celebrate the good news; somehow an electrical problem just didn't sound as bad as a physical one. While I was sitting there, taking a bite off my fork, a pain hit me and I stopped. My husband looked over with a worried expression to see if I was okay. I decided right then and there that this was over. I said to myself, “NO. Stop it right now. There will be no more of this!” The pain instantly vanished and NEVER CAME BACK. I was able to regulate this electrical or energetic problem with thought. 256

Energy Manipulation To me, this was astounding. I had control over my body the whole time…. When I went back to work a few days later, I told everyone there about it, and guess what they said – “yeah, I’ve done that before” or just nodded their heads in agreement like there was nothing mysterious about it at all! So why is it they couldn’t have told me this earlier and saved me a whole lot of unnecessary pain as well as $2,000? Were they afraid to suggest that such a thing was possible? All the time they knew this could be done, while I was suffering with so much pain I could no longer work. As I was saying, people seem to know these things subconsciously. It was not once suggested to me that I try this technique of just telling my body to stop giving me the pain, but after I had done it, it was simply obvious to everyone around me that I could have done it all along! People know the “secret” of energy manipulation. It isn’t something that we talk about often or maybe not even think about often, but it is there. So my question is, why don’t we do it all the time? I believe the answer to that question is mental conditioning. We do not talk about or dwell on these ideas because we have been taught not to. The physical world is based on energy that we have the ability to manipulate. If we can control our physical bodies with thought, then why don’t we?! The same thing goes for our individual perceptions of life and the paths that our lives take; we have chosen our own paths and we choose to travel them, whether they are happy and fulfilling or otherwise. We each have the ability to bend reality in such a way that our lives can be changed. This is another way of using energy. A simple thought can change your life.

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Invitation to the Self In the alternate reality, I was able to control what happened around me by concentrating on a single thought. I developed a particular intent and focused on it until it became a reality. So I began to wonder…is the energy of a thought so strong that it can alter one’s physical existence as well? I believe the answer to this question is yes. Perhaps there are differences in what can be accomplished in the physical and the alternate realities, but I have seen evidence of it and I do not intend to dismiss the idea. Maybe it is just a matter of perception and belief. In late 2002, I began to study the existence of energy in all realities. I came to realize that all realities are connected in some way, and this has to do with an intricate weaving of energy. The possibilities dumbfounded me, turning over and over in my mind. I had known for some time that realities other than the physical did exist. However, I had no idea that these worlds were blended within one another – not just sitting side by side, making them accessible by stretching out to the sides in order to grab them, but by reaching within. That concept made it a little frightening, knowing that entities from other worlds were not far away and separate at all, but part of the energy swirling all around me and within me. While I was discovering these new ideas, I sat down to read The Art of Dreaming by Carlos Castenada. I had read all the Don Juan books many years earlier, but it was not until this latest work that I made the connection between Don Juan’s “second attention” and my “alternate reality.” From the detailed descriptions that Castenada gives, they are one in the same. So for those of you who know his work, perhaps this new insight will be helpful for you in imagining the alternate reality in which visitations take place. 258

Energy Manipulation In January 2003, I entered the alternate reality, arriving in a place that I had been to only rarely. It seems that, just like having a silver cord that kept me from wandering too far from the Earth, my body has a built-in mechanism that prevents me from jumping too far ahead of what I can handle. Here, everything was alive and even the air seemed to have its own thoughts. It was not unlike a liquid, resting heavily on my skin, connecting every organism to the next, each affecting another’s movement. The energy was malleable, easily formed and manipulated. I walked out my front door to the sidewalk and stood looking down the street. As I quietly and carefully looked only straight ahead, I noticed movement close to my left side. I knew the tree in my front yard should be right there, so I assumed the wind was blowing the branches. I then realized there was no wind; in fact, the air was quite still and there was no sound. I turned to get a closer look at the tree, seeing flows of orange, yellow, and green energy flowing from the branches. Even though the tree is a Maple in the physical world, it appeared to be a Willow in this place, simply because of the delicate, sinuous energy that flowed forth from the branches. I felt happiness inside myself upon seeing this energy, but at the same time I was concentrating on what else could be moving around. I looked up to the night sky, and instead of seeing the familiar stars and constellations, my sight was filled with geometric shapes floating in spirals and other patterns. As my eyes popped into wide-open mode, I looked back down in haste, as I was fully aware that my actions would bring consequences – if I stared at that sky for long, my energy would attract attention from the beings up there, and I did not know exactly whose attention I might grab. That frightened me, so I decided to focus on more earthly 259

Invitation to the Self aspects of the experience. Of course, my curiosity got me and I looked up once more to see shapes floating by in all directions. I had encountered this place before and I knew how easy it was to send, receive, and direct energy. I forced myself to look away. Perhaps the most frightening thought is not having control taken away, but having too much control. Having the choice to decide what does and does not exist, or what will happen and what will not happen may be the very thing that stops us from taking control of our lives. It seems to be so easy to live in a world where most things are decided for us. All we have left to do is to go about our daily business according to the consensual laws of our physical reality. I decided that while I was there in that fluid, highly suggestible environment, I would try something. I wanted to call out to a friend of mine, to see if she could hear me and then meet me there. I yelled out her name and waited. I could almost see my words trailing off into the distance. I imagined that the energy from my voice traveled through that viscous air to wherever my friend was at the time. I had no idea if this would work, it was just an experiment. I called to her again, optimistically hoping to see her walking down the street toward me. I had used energy in many ways in the alternate reality, but I had never summoned a friend with it, and I had no experience using energy in this particular world. I called out to her once more, but there was no response, just the silent world pushing against me on all sides. I returned to my house and began to head upstairs to my bedroom, when the front door swung open. “I’m here, it’s me, I’m here!” I turned to see my friend running toward me, out of breath and laughing. We embraced and all the while I was thinking, “I can’t believe that actually worked.” 260

Energy Manipulation That reality and the physical reality are intricately woven together by the energy that crosses all barriers. This energy fills our spirits as well as every construction we have ever created. In the other world, my house was still my house; it held the same energy. Although it visually appeared to be somewhat different and was painted a different color, I still recognized it as the house in my physical world because it was still shaped by the same energy. The tree in the front yard was the same tree from the physical reality, I just perceived the energy differently. That life-giving energy exists in all levels of reality, meaning that WE exist in all levels of reality. The next day, I was sitting at my computer doing some writing, but my mind was still thinking of the reality I had experienced the night before. I recalled the thickness of the air and the flowing energy. I closed my eyes and tried to relive the feeling of being there. While I was sitting there in a semi-meditative state, thoughts began to pop into my mind. The words that came were based on the energy I had felt in the alternate reality, but pertained to all energy. This is how it reads: “Step lightly and slowly. Stop and look around you. See the energy alive in all things. You have that energy as well. It can blend with the energy surrounding you. All energy is shared. This brings the feeling of oneness. Knowing that we are all made from and share the same energy. Stand still in the silence and stillness. Feel the air on your skin. Hold your hand in front of you. Bring it to your face. Open your palm, face up and let the energy flow out and up. Create an apple there. You have harnessed the energy around you and within you to create. This is possible on all levels. Energy flows in and out, all around. There is no

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Invitation to the Self end and no beginning; it is a continuous cycle. There is energy in everything. Energy can be used to bring about change in the same manner. It is a matter of intent and focus. Set your mind, fix your intent, focus your energy. Now draw in the energy floating around you. It is there to use. If you do not use it, someone else will. It is available to all to use freely. Most people do not know this, but those who do will manipulate energy to their will, for good or bad. It makes no difference; this energy may be used for any purpose. The star people hear you when you speak to them or when you blow a kiss, because they feel the energy you send. You share the same energy, as we all do. You are connected. We are all connected. The only separation made is by people themselves who feel the need to be apart. People have separated themselves from each other for so long, they have forgotten what it is like to be one, to be together in love. They forget the ties and the bonds that connect us all. They live in fear and sadness. It is ridiculous; it is so easy to reach out and grasp that energy and that love, if people would just open up to it and set themselves free of their own restraints, the restraints they themselves have made. The trees use the same energy you do. They love you because you know that, and you acknowledge that. You know they are alive and you know that you are part of them as they are part of you. There is no separation. You know this. This is the feeling of “knowing” you talk about, that you have had since you were a young child. You never forgot the connection. You know that all people are one. This is why you can talk to anyone and they will feel your spirit and they will feel their own spirits, because you are freely sharing that energy and it 262

Energy Manipulation makes people aware of the connection we have with each other. We are all one.” The feeling of “knowing” that is mentioned goes back to my childhood. I always played with the trees and the animals around our log cabin. I knew that everything was alive with energy, even then. Of course, many people believe that young children bring knowledge with them but forget this wisdom after years of conditioning by parents and peers. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all remember those things we knew when we first arrived in this world? I think we all hold a great deal of knowledge within ourselves; we just have to remember it. Our energy surpasses any “boundary” we perceive, because we have created the boundaries for ourselves. In other words, if we can control energy in one level of reality, we can control it on all levels. You can control your reality on all levels. There is no true separation between the realities. They are interconnected, blending into one another, forming many levels of the self. Your condition on one level will affect your condition on all levels. Your physical, mental, and spiritual health is directly connected to your well being in the alternate reality. So take a moment to feel the energy inside yourself. It is a feeling of self-identity that you may feel near your heart or solar plexus. This is the center of your energy body, the part of you that controls willpower and everything else about you. You have strength there, just waiting to be used. Some people may be fortunate enough to already be doing their life’s work. However, if you are not one of those lucky few, think about who you really are, deep down inside – not what your job is or the schedules and tasks you run through daily, but the person

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Invitation to the Self you dream to be. Feel that power and imagine what you could be – what you want to be. Take hold of that feeling and go with it. Begin to make a plan of how you can accomplish your life’s work. Write it down on paper and look at it. Think about how you can start to change your daily life in small steps that will bring your concept to life. Now you have to take action. No matter how large or outlandish it may seem, you can do it. Take it step by step and work towards one goal at a time. In this way, you are utilizing your creative energy and molding your reality; manipulating energy. By taking control of your physical world, you begin to take control on the other levels of reality as well. All the parts of your self are energetically connected. You will soon find that you have more control in the dream state and when you travel out-of-body. Your being will emanate a new sense of self-confidence and positive energy that will change your energy patterns in all levels of reality. You have that choice to make. It will take dedication and a great deal of energy on your part. It must be an all-around, conscious and subconscious decision. It may sound difficult, but you can do it, and once you have that foundation laid out, there is nothing stopping you. You can take control of your life, spread your wings and take flight. This is your right as a human being, to live to the fullest extent, and learn through living. Your other choice is to remain a bystander, subject to the tides of energy that will decide your fate for you. You came into this life to accomplish something – what is it?

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Conclusion Regardless of what alien abduction or visitation by the star people may actually be, it has taken my life and transformed it. Many people who share this same experience have also changed and grown spiritually. According to Dr. John Mack of Harvard University, and other psychiatric professionals, the typical experiencer has no mental abnormalities. The only symptom that seems to show itself among these people is a type of post-traumatic stress disorder, which obviously stems from the unfathomable experience of confrontation with unexplained and bizarre, foreign life forms. To live through the ordeals of visitation and still exist normally in the daily world requires a great sense of self. Abductees/Contactees may be easily confused by the extreme genuineness of the situation, believing they are physically awake when in actuality they are not. For many, it does not occur that anything other than physical experience holds relevance. For those fortunate souls who can take the experience and transform it into a lesson and test of character, there is much to be learned. These people need to be taken seriously and listened to with open-mindedness. When my visitation experience began, I assumed it was a physical one…not knowing there was any other type of experience to be had. I did not know there were other worlds existing along with the material one. As this writing comes to a close, I can confidently state that there are many worlds just as perceptible and real as the physical, and that the greater part of my experience took place in a reality other than the material world. I believe that for the majority of experiences, the alien visitations do not take place on the physical plane. The humans involved are transported from their physical bodies to another 265

conscious level of the self – an aware state of consciousness where one is awake and living a real, discernable event. I do believe, however, that some abductions may take place physically; the physical laws as we know them may be manipulated so that the star people are able to work on this plane for a short period of time, conducting their typical procedures on abductees/contactees and then leaving this physical world to return to a different vibrational frequency where they normally exist. Where do the star people come from? When I gaze up at the stars at night, and I sense the stars and planets as being part of our physical reality, I am not so sure the star people are really from the stars. I’ve become used to the label I gave them; it’s an easy way for me to recognize them and talk about them. The truth is, they may be from another plane of existence, another reality, or perhaps they exist alongside us in our own world and we are not able to perceive them – kind of like a dog hearing a dog whistle that we humans can’t hear, it is beyond our level of normal perception. My experience has carried me through various stages of learning and growth. When the visitation consciously picked up at age 20, I saw the star people two or three times a week. While I was undergoing operations and having ovum extracted, they worked with me through intense psychic training. Why, I don’t know, but the experience grew into one of give and take; a reciprocal interchange that brought benefit to everyone involved, although perhaps not immediately – my awareness of that would come later. For quite a while, I drifted through the visitations in a confused daze, not knowing what was going on. It took years to put the pieces together and form some semblance of recognition of patterns and symbols; as humans, we 266

categorize and label our collective world in order to share knowledge and communicate with one another, and even to work things out in our own minds. However, when a new, unrecognizable experience presents itself, brand new symbols and ways of organizing must be developed. Such is the way with the alien abduction phenomenon; we are just now in the process of getting a grasp on the information to form rational thoughts and ways of communicating about the subject. We are learning. In my personal experience, the star people knew about the secret government and the psychics that relentlessly harassed me to obtain information about them. I was trained to defend and protect myself against any attacker, whether it was human or alien. The star people constantly provided me with one type of protection or another, at first rescuing me from difficult situations and then by placing “marks of protection” on my person. They were very careful with me, and I was treated with respect. Even to this day, if I happen to suddenly find myself in the alternate reality, I quickly prepare for anything that may come my way, bringing my mind to an alert state of consciousness. It seems to me that the government involvement was taking place all along, just as the visitations themselves were. The repetitive “dream” I experienced when seven and then nine years old gives the first hints of government involvement; my “alien friend” and I being chased by the “bad men.” However, the intensity of the psychic attacks did not pick up until I refused to freely hand over information to the secret government. As the visitations from the star people picked up, so did the psychic attacks. After the failed “frequency lock” by the psychic development people, the attacks slowed greatly, and

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were deterred even more so when I learned how to rise above the situation, preventing psychic attack from occurring. The intense years of training began to pay off, as I used what I had learned to advance to new levels of understanding. I “graduated” from the star people school and was compelled to use the newly gained knowledge on my own, so I continued to develop through new experiences, with or without the star people. Knowing the basics of energy manipulation, I began to explore new worlds, each one having its own rules and flows of energy. Then came the challenge of discovering those laws and learning how to use them and exist for a short time in those places. I knew that if I could master the laws of any given location, I would be able to come and go freely and experiment with the varying flows of energy that weave through everything. All my life, I have known that energy is alive in all things, flowing in and out of the whole of creation. With the knowledge gained through my experience with the star people, I slowly came to know that the energy not only flows through the whole of creation, it connects it. In order to begin to harness this information and make use of it, I had to let go of the fear in my heart. I needed my entire self to be open to that flowing energy, to realize that I was part of it, and then to feel the connection – my connection to all beings. In this way, I was able to begin the study of controlling the dream state and the alternate reality. I would advise any abductee/contactee to try and calm the self enough to be able to observe what is happening. You will not be able to come to grips with the situation if you do not begin to understand it. No matter if you want to permit the visitations to continue or to stop them altogether, you absolutely need to have a level head. Also 268

consider that the visitations are occurring in a conscious, aware state of reality besides the physical. This may help to explain many occurrences that have not been explainable previously. Remember, you are much more than your physical self. What you experience on other levels of the self is just as valid and important as what you experience physically. Do not discount its worth. Once you have found your sense of self and know who you are inside, you will be able to stand up to the star people and make your will known. If you do not wish to see them, tell them that in no uncertain terms. In the comfort of your own home, when you are alone and feel you are ready, speak out loud to the star people, and they will hear you. Tell them they do not have permission to see you anymore and if they try to, the whole universe will know and they will be held accountable for their actions. If, on the other hand, you want the visitations to continue and that relationship to flourish, practice bringing your consciousness into focus during your dream events and visitations. You can start by focusing your attention on a simple item in your dreams and viewing all the details of that item. This will shift your awareness, bringing you into a more conscious state. Work your way up until you are able to focus during visitations, giving yourself a good measure of control. How you deal with any situation depends on the way you perceive life. One person’s experience may be an ordeal of great proportions while another’s may be an occasion of thoughtful contemplation and learning. Try looking at the world from different angles, taking in every possible view and then pushing yourself to go further. You are an energetic being capable of existing in realities beyond the physical;

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your multi-dimensional, endlessly creative self has no boundaries. Free your mind.

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The Glossary •

Alternate reality – a place other than the physical world in which conscious awareness is experienced, affecting the mind and body.

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Dreams – subconscious images affecting the mind but not the physical body.

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Energy manipulation – controlling subtle energy with learned techniques such as concentrated thought.

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Earth changes – prophesied physical and spiritual evolutions on the planet Earth.

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Hybrid – a genetically altered person of both human and star person origin.

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Implant (“bug”) – a small device inserted under the skin, possibly a type of radio transmitter or monitor.

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Out-of-Body Experience – consciously takes place on the astral plane without the physical body.

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Secret government – an organized group covertly involved with the alien abduction phenomenon.

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Transitional phase – a movement from the physical reality to the alternate reality and then back again.

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Psychic attack – an assault of directed psychic energy affecting the mind.

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Screen memory – a false image or scene created to hide the truth.

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Star people – the “aliens” or multi-dimensional entities.

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Visitation – an encounter with the star people. 271

You may contact Bonnie Jean Hamilton online at Hamilton House, a research and support group for abductees and contactees.

www.alienabductionhelp.com

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