the romance, and the economy of love

GIRLS READING CULTURE: AUTOBIOGRAPHY AS INQWRY INTO TEACHING THE BODY, THE ROMANCE, AND THE ECONOMY OF LOVE

Zandra Lesley Shore

A dissertation submitted in conformity with the requirements

for the degree of Doctor of Education Department of Theory and Policy Studies in Education Ontario Institute for Studies in Education of the University of Toronto

O Copyright by Zandra Lesley Shore, 1999

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GIRLS READING CULTURE: AUTOBIOGRAPHY AS INQUIRY INTO TEACHING THE BODY, THE ROMANCE, AND THE ECONOMY OF LOVE Zandra Lesley Shore, Doctor of Education, 1999 Department of Theory and Policy Studies in Education University of Toronto Abstract Educating girls is one of the most significant yet problematic developrnents of the last 150 years. A girl, in the process of her schooling, leams to layer the messages of a logo/androcentnc culture over the insights bom of her lived experience, muffling and silencing the still, small voice within. 1 rnaintain that the educated woman who teaches cornes to her profession many times divided against herself. She is expected to teach the very values her life may have taught her to question. Using autobiographical narrative as my methodology, I weave a tapestry fiom the threads of memory, educational theory, newspaper articles, and popular culture to examine questions of gender and female socialization. 1 begin by investigating adolescent female psychological development and proceed to consider the relationship of literature to life through a close reading of the cathedra1 texts of my childhood and youth. 1 used literature as a road map for life, as girls often do. This dynamic becomes problematic as the compelling ideology of romance channels girls nmowly toward heterosexuality and mamiage. The high p i c e that may be paid for investing in the promise of romance is examined against the backdrop of Virginia Woolf s understanding that "intellectual freedom depends on material things." The solution to these problems (if there can be said to be one) is not simply a matter of changing the stones girls read. In a rapidly changing social world the romance is increasingly fundamental to the maintenance of order, critically embedded in the workings of the economy, and a pathway into the compelling archetypal world. 1interpret the current fienzy in the educational realrn as 'backlash' against the great gains and newfound liberties of women and girls. I trace the twinned trajectories of girls and the women who teach them through feminist literary, philosophical, and cultural theory back to the deeply buried history of the archetypal realm to find the answers 1 seek. Women teaching in a 'girl-poisoning' culture can begin to mitigate the effects of that culture by listening to girls and by honouring their own mernories. Using my scholanhip and my life history as a teinplate, 1 reinterpret the mythology of love, thereby hoping to genuinely make room in the classroom for the experiences, voices and values of women and girls.

Preface What 1 have wanted to know and have tried to find out was how that decision to become a teacher looked to them, what alternatives there were to rnost women; what kind of life they anticipated as teachers. And what the satisfactions and disappointments huned out to be. (Jane Miller, School for Women.) The human drama is first and foremost a somatic one. How is it, then, that things such as emotions, or more generally the life of the body, gets left out of academic history? How is it that historians remain oblivious to the amnesia of theu enterprise in its present form? How is it that that which is rnost important in human life gets omitted fkom virtually al1 accounts of the past? (Moms Berman, Corning to Our Senses.) At the center of this process [studying female adolescence], many women found themselves drawn by girls' voices into remembering their own adolescence and began to recail their own expenences of disconnection or dissociation at this time. Such remernbenng seems essential if women are not going to justi@ or reimpose on girls losses which they have suffered. (Lyn Mikel Brown and Carol Gilligan, Meeting at the Crossroadr.) It is repeatedly observed that women living within a patriarchal civilization are in a position to act as vanguards in the process of societal and cultural transformation, because women are at once inside and outside the class system, because women are increasingly inside as well as outside of the various societal institutions that preserve and transmit culture across generations, because women have such a direct hand in raising and educating the next generation. (Carol Gilligan, Ji11 McLean Taylor, Amy M. Sullivan, Between Voice and Silence.) If you must put books on one side and life on the other, each is a poor and bloodless thing. But my theory is that they mix indistinguishably. (Virginia Woolf, The Letters of Vwnia WooiJ)

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For we think back through our mothers if we are women. (Woolf, 1929,72-73)

...and sideways through [our] sisters. (Marcus, 1981, xiv) Memory - the mother of the muses. (Greek aphonsm)

My process of thlliking back is about memory, as memory is in the body, as thinking is about education; it is about being embedded in a web of relationships and about what we have leamed nom them. It is about my late mother, Frances Zimmerman,

who taught me about the body and her mother, my late grmdmother, Bessie Brener, who taught me about the mind. It is about the message 1 would leave for my children, Benjamin, Eliane and Alysha Shore, about how to live lives where "body is not bruised to pleasure soul" (Yeats, 1962, 22). It is about Virginia Woolf, who is the mother of al1 thinking women and whose voice resonates behind each thought that 1 would be bold or foolish enough to daim for my own.The methodology that 1 have chosen to employ, that of autobiographical narrative, is hers as well.

It is about my sisters in the embodied world: Margie Levitt, Susan Somrners,

Lillian Glowinsky, Elaine Steiner, and Ida Rubinoff, and about my sisters in the academic world: Dr. Leslie Crawford, Dr. Christabelle Sethna and Dr. Carole Ann Reed. How I could not have done it without them, my life and my work. It is about two men who listened when I taiked: one who came early, my late father Edward Zimrneman, and one who came late, my husband, Stan Cohen. It is about my step-children, Dana and Jonathan, and their partners Adam and Melanie. It is about my new mother Becky aqd about the Cohen, Rose, Rubin, Greenspoon and Friedman families, dl of whom have opened the doors of their lives to my children and me. In the shadow of their respect 1 moved fiom silence into speech. It is about my Winnipeg family: the Zimmemans and the Yellens, about my ninety-one-yearold aunts Rueth and Sadie, who stuck with me through dark days. It is about my adopted Toronto family: the Usters, Binstocks, Shoomans, Beck-Rubins, Loebs, Burtons,

Nefskys, Sevitts and Margolises, who welcomed us unconditionally. It is about Elsie Hignell, Helen Danyluk, Sharon Thompson and their families, Wends, who are now kin. It is about Ruth Brodie and Roslyn Silvenides, who got me thinking long ago and my business partner Pearl, who keeps me thinking today. It is about the fullness of fnendship that has endured through Iifetimes and acts of kindness that changed my life. It is for their mothers, their sisters, their husbands, their children, al1 their precious children, for Hayley and Jason most especially and for their grandmother Dorothy Riseman. It is for my young fiiends Caroline, Emily, and Madeleine, who read stories with me, and for Grace, Noah, and Joshua, the readers to corne. It is about two women teaching - Majorie Colpins, who taught me when I was thirteen years old, and Deanne Bogdan, who taught me when I was past forty

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changed my life because they believed in me.

It is about reading. It is about how 1 learned to read as a girl and how 1came, many years later, to understand what it means to read as a gendered subject. The feminist reading is not the one that phenomenology discovers. It is under cover. It must be dragged up through associations, etymology, through the denial of human history and human relationship. That is what Lacan and Freud rnean when they Say that coming to know and coming to be gendered are one and the same process. ( G m e t , 1988,74)

bbPsychoanalysis,"says Shoshana Felman interpreting Lacan, "is a prodigious act of reading" (Felman, 1987,22). To leam to read is to leam to read your culture. To learn to read is to l e m to read your self. Writing this story as a student of philosophy, 1 would revisit Peggy Means McIntosh's (1988) memory of "Feeling like a Fraud" in tems of the male-dominated discourse of the Father. Reinterpreting in a broader way the meaning of that discipline, I would uncover its Greek roots to daim that 1 am a philosopher as a "lover" of b'wisdom," as one who will always love to know and that, as Lorraine Code (1991) has pointed out, it is crucial to consider the implications that the gender of the knower has for what she can know.

1 came back to graduate school in the fa11 of 1986. Two people 1 loved were

dying: my kind and gentle father, Edward Zirnrnerman and my feisty and talented fiend, Liz Axmith. Beginning the academic journey sustained me through their loss, through the loss of my first mainage, which came years later. In the summer of 1996 a group of my OISE h m d s met to celebrate a birthday at the Madison pub. Jacqueline Brooks told me how she had asked her family to encourage her through the writing of her thesis, how she needed them to tell her that she would do it. 1 had begun the wn'ting of this dissertation twice and stopped: first to shepherd myself through the process of divorce, then to care for my mother through senous illness. My fierce and loving mother was dying now. Rernembering Jacqueline's words, one of the questions 1 asked her in the days before she died was: "Will I finish it, rny dissertation?" "Definitely," she answered, repeating "de finitely."

As the luminous source of energy that was my mother freed itself from the burden of embodiment and joined the cosmos, it showered blessings on those she had loved with special passion. I was an only child. Her greatest fea. on dying was to leave me alone. She saw to it that 1 found a partner. My mother and 1 shared a deep, intense, fractious bond. 1 think 1 believed that nothing could ever separate us. From the next world she asked me to write about her, to create some record of her passage here on earth, as footprints in the sand. 1 wrote about the 1 s t months of her life, about how brave she had been in facing death. 1 needed to wite her story before 1 could begin writing this dissertation for the third and last time. Virginia Woolf explained that women writing think back through their mothers; 1 had to write her story first in order to think back through it in mine. So 1 came to understand the gift she had given me in letting us share in her process of dying. How many are the ways that 1 have corne to write out of her death. Out of the many deaths, the many losses - new beginnings.

Acknowledgements The voices, thoughts and encouragement of many people, young and old, are woven into the completion of this project. I am grateful to them all, named and nameless. 1 deeply value the insight and encouragement of my committee members. Meeting Dr.

Deanne Bogdan has changed rny life; this work is hers in so many ways, inspired by her thinking and writing about literature, encouraged by the quality of her teaching, sustained by her integrity and the stunning example she sets of passionate, incisive scholarship.

Deanne was generous enough to supervise the writing of this work though she was officially on a year's study leave.

My work is much enriched by Dr. Cecilia Morgan's painstaking and meticulous examination of my text fiom a feminist educational histonan's perspective. 1 thank her for that and for the many illurninating historical references she has provided.

I am indebted to Dr. Clive Beck for his consumate respect of new ideas and ongoing dialogue across differences and for creating the kind of classroom where students felt safe to explore their lives openly. It was in Clive's class that 1 first began the integration of theory with memory that became the methodology of this dissertation. Dr. Johan Aitken has long been a generous supporter of my writing and ideas. In JO's class I first realized how important it was to think back through my education as a student in order to understand myself as a teacher; I learned how memones believed lost are really just stored in hands that type words across a cornputer screen telling a story. 1 am grateful to my extemal examiner Dr. Susan Laird of the University of

Oklahoma for her bold, brave, persistent insistence upon our recognition of what we learn at home about how to live hilly human lives and for her ethical cornmitment to the identification, inclusion, legitimization and valuing of that profoundly decent pedagogy in the educational agenda. It was my great good fortune to have had the privilege of working with Dr. Mary Kooy who joined rny committee less than a week before my defense. She enriched our discussion immeasurably and 1 am fiattered by her vivid enthusiasm for my ideas. vii

To Jeanie Stewart in OISE'S Education Commons and Tom on the telephone help

line who slayed the demons in the computer, I am etemally grateful. Thank you to Janet King and Audrey Weaver for their help in technical production.

1 cannot end without thanking rny students, the adolescent girls 1 taught so many years ago and the spirited grade fours of my more recent past. Together we pushed back the walls of what we did not know and honoured the ties of relationship that b o n d us.

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Table of Contents

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Abstract .............................................................................................................................1 1

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Preface...............................................................................................................................111

Acknowledgements..........................................................................................................vil.. Chapter One: Introduction ............................................................................................1 Chapter Two:Adolescence: Diving, Dividing, Drowning ..............................................41 Chapter Three: A Girl Reading. A Girl Writing: Desperately Seeking Jane ...................81 Chapter Four: Love Story. The Only Story: Seduced and Abandoned.......................... 129 Chapter: Five: The Economy of Love: Maniage. Divorce. Money ..............................174 Chapter Six: Teaching - A New Kind of Love............................................................ 224 Bibliography ...........................................................................................................2 8 8

CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION

Women who teach have to learn how to speak (and wrîte) out of the history of the accommodations they have made to male theories of culture and education. (Jane Miller, School for Women.) When teaching is so complex a set of practices, when it is so important to the development of individuals and of society, when it is culturally and economically of such importance, how is it that it can be so negatively positioned? (Josie Levine, qtd. in Jane Miller, School for Women.) 1 never wanted to be a teacher. It was what so many people, foremost arnong them

my mother, thought best for me. She called it something to fa11 back on. Those words have resonated within me as 1 have considered how women use their backshodies as economic currency.

I went into teaching reluctantly because I had tried other occupations and found them wanting, or perhaps found me wanting, wanting more. When 1 graduated with my

B.A. in 1967, three jobs came to me directly fiom the university placement service. One was as a hostess representing Canada at the Expo to be held in Montreal that summer; the

second was as a management trainee in advertising at Eaton's department store in Winnipeg writing fashion copy (a fiiend's dream that 1 had merely borrowed); the third was at the National Research Council in Ottawa, doing "top-secret, highly confidential communications research." Twenty years, one husband, and three children later, sirnmering and sweating in my basement laundry room, 1 came to realize that the job was to be a spy.

The interview, conducted by three men, took place in a narrow rectangular room dominated by one long mirrored wall, end to end. Was it, then, only my imagination? I was tall, dark, slim, long-haired, attractive (1 can write that now, at fifty, though at twenty

I would never have dared even drearn it). I had been a student of languages - French,

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Spanish, Greek, and, most importantly, Russian. The RCMP had interviewed al1 the neighbours on the neat, middle-class, tree-lined Winnipeg Street where 1 lived. That was the job I didn't take. Would 1have had that kind of courage? And yet the course my life would take would ask for courage of a different sort. From the proud and heady expenence that was Montreal that summer of Expo '67, 1 came to Eaton's, where

an ad that 1 wrote in my first two weeks won an Amencan advertising award. 1 was an accomplished student; new things came easily to me. Since I had plucked each word with infinitely exquisite care, it pained me to watch my supervisor, an unmarrieci career woman in late middle-age, slash red lines through my fashion copy. As if words mattered. 1 remember writing an ad for a $9.98 dress sale. The buyer came to see me the week afier the ad ran; he threw his amis up in the air, ecstatic. The ad had produced an unprecedented response. Not one dress was left in the store. How could words and images have so much power? 1 was not happy as 1 imagined women with meagre incomes washing their new

dresses and finding them wanting. 1 asked myself questions about the moral import of what I was doing. Youthfùl, presumptuous, idealistic, I wondered "1s this why G-d gave

me talent? To deceive people, to deceive women?" Now that my days at Eaton's were numbered, what would 1 do with my life? Not that what I was searching for mattered to anyone else. I knew what others expected of me though 1 have not one memory of any person ever articulating it to me. 1 knew it fiom the time 1 was very Young, perhaps five or six. A casual acquaintance coming to Toronto to do a Master's degree supplied

another dream that 1 could latch onto. We could be roommates. Why, 1 wonder, was my own dream so hard to catch? Or was it that 1 had many dreams but chafed under the understanding that it was essential to choose one? 1 was accepted to do a Masters in Linguistics at the University of Toronto. It was the first year the program had been offered. My roommate had her own problems to work out. When we walked down the

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street together, men looked at me. But 1 saw only her envy and took the words of her vicious tongue deep inside my heart. When that didn't work out, 1 came back to Winnipeg and went to bed for a couple of months. What was 1 going to do with my life? Like the protagonist of Charlotte Perkins Gilman's nie Yellow WaZZpaper (1899/1973), whom 1 was to meet in fiction

many yean later, I talked to the people in the walls. Like Virginia Woolf, 1 heard voices. Sornehow the prospect of a summer in Europe roused me fiorn my deep depression. Off 1 went that spnng, my mother urging me to make sure 1 sent in my application for teacher training. She hoped that 1 would retum to Winnipeg in September and learn to be a teacher, so womed was she about my falling back. As a middle-class girl my relation to money was always strained and constrained. On the one hand, 1 had grown up taking things like a trip to Europe for granted, though 1 knew my parents' resources were now limited; on the other, the expectation that 1 might need to eam a living coexisted peacefully alongside the implicit assumption that a husband would support me. The metaphonc nchness of "falling back" captures for me how precarious my situation was; how much money would 1 need to eam to support myself and how would 1 eam it? Working-class girls have been clearer about their relation to money; they know they have no choice. Sitting at my desk, staring through mullioned windowpanes at the deeply-green, deftly-trimrned trees of the London street where 1 lived the better part of that summer, thinking of the teachers whom I had loved and who had believed in me, honouring the memory of my graïïdmother who was my first teacher, who taught me Aesop's fables in Yiddish as she drew me with her into mystic worlds, 1 wrote my application - a long essay about why 1 wanted to teach. 1 wish 1 could read it now. The only part of that decision that was reaily mine was a cornmitment to do the very best 1 could as a student. Though 1 had always done well at school, with erratic and inconsistent bursts of effort, now 1 set myself the goal of working the very hardest 1 could. The goid medal was where 1took my aim.

I won two gold medals, standing first in a class of 430 would-be teachers. No one before me had carried off the award for the highest academic standing and the one for the best shident teaching as well. My hard work had paid off. (Not literally of course.) And al1 those women had been nght, after all. 1 was a bom teacher. 1 type this and the letter

"i" cornes out in lower case. The "1" in me that was a bom teacher newr felt very good about herself in that capacity. 1 never wanted to be a teacher. It was a poorly-paid, low-status career, and 1 had

no delusions about that. When 1 was very young, I told my mother that 1 wanted to be a doctor like her brother, my doting, childless uncle, the Jewish director of a large Catholic hospital in the 1950s. People would corne to line the streets outside the synagogue at his funeral, for there was no room inside for al1 those whose lives he had touched with his care. "Itts too hard for a girl," she said. "What do you need it for?" It was the very best advice she could have offered me, caught up as she was in the heyday of post-war capitalist ideology. It has taken me many years to forgive her for it. When my own son was small, 1 asked him what he might like to be when he grew up. "Well, 1 would like to be a doctor, but thatts only for girls," he replied. His pediatncian, the only doctor he knew at the time, was a woman, a mother. It was tempting to romanticize how the world had changed.

It is no accident that so many of the women 1 know at graduate school wanted to be doctors just like me. But they weren't good at science; the mysteries of math eluded

them. Good students, they became instead, good teachers, pursuing doctorates. So they moved fkom the embodied practice: teaching into the mindworld which had already been

a minefield for them and which, revisited, would be one nonetheless. It would ask them to forsake their bodies and the world of their lived expenence. A dangerous move. As it

has asked me. But 1 have refiised.

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